


Temporal Closure

by Dieuw



Category: Steins;Gate
Genre: F/M, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-03-24 01:44:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 81,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13800741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dieuw/pseuds/Dieuw
Summary: Kurisu and Okabe try to help each other cope with the trauma surrounding the events and aftermath of operation Skuld (the true ending), which isn't easy, considering she barely remembers anything about him. Can they still succeed, and can anything more come of it? Well, it doesn't help that Kurisu’s brain kept feeding her strange visions of events that never happened, along with disproportionally strong feelings concerning him, the stranger in front of her… or does it?(Okarisu, Romance/humor/hurt/comfort. Latest chapter: 6, finally succesfully uploaded)





	1. Chapter 1

 

**Author’s notes/Introduction:**

(Warning: both these notes and the story itself contain massive spoilers for the ending of Steins Gate. I would highly recommend someone not having finished the game or at least the anime to do that first!)

With that out of the way, welcome everyone, to what I suppose is my take on a ‘what now?’ story, taking place immediately after Okabe and Kurisu find each other again at the very end of Steins Gate. Inspiration for it came mainly from some major realism and plot hole problems I had with that ending, or the 'true ending' as the visual novel calls it. Thus, aside from entertainment, one of the goals of this story is to touch on those issues and try to fix them. I'll try to make it all as realistic and as human as possible to best emulate the source material. For more details, please see the author's notes at the bottom of the chapter. 

I’ll be using the Visual Novel as the baseline, but some unique events in the Anime are referenced here and there because they were too awesome or fit too well for me to not include them. Someone who has only seen the anime should still be able to follow the story just fine (with one exception, maybe. To preface this, no, Kurisu is not joking when she says certain things later in this first chapter, that’s _actually_ what Okabe does and says in the VN during operation Skuld).

The second major reason for writing this is that I wanted a more longer and more satisfying epilogue/more closure, hence the revised title. There aren't that many fanfics out there that go for this either, and I wanted to add a hopefully good one to the collection. 

Well, that’s enough of an intro, let’s get into the story!

Disclaimer: I don't own Steins;Gate.

 

Added note: a progress report for the next chapter has been added to the author's notes at the bottom and will be updated regularly. 

 

* * *

 

He said he’d tell her everything.

He was lying.

Her more sane self from two months ago would have probably walked out long ago.

But, unfortunately, she was a different person now.

Time travel? Worldlines? Attractor fields? A time machine created somehow from an accidental crossing between a microwave and a phone and later her knowledge of memories? A direct internet connection from a random apartment to a research institute halfway across the world, which possessed secret black hole technology that had been hidden from the world for years? Technology which a group of teenagers had then somehow been able to use to compress memory data enough to be able to send it directly to the past? A CRT TV feeding electrons into the transfer as a makeshift lifter which would require exact wave specifics to function from an infinite number of possibilities, AND that TV happened to be present in the exact same building? AND this guy claiming to have an unexplained superpower that let him see across the timelines when no one else was able to, which would conveniently also be the only thing that gave relevance to it all, since no one would remember anything except him?

It sounded like something from a hardcore chuunibyou’s fantasies. 

The chances of all of this accidentally occurring were almost infinitesimally small. The old her would have attacked it without any hesitation. She would have broken the time travel story apart, both for her father’s lost reputation and her own sanity.

…Part of her hated herself for that instinctive desire of still defending her father or his reputation, despite everything that had happened. It was a sign of weakness and overdependency she had to lose.

Kurisu put the thought away for now.

She kept listening because this man had saved her life. For that, she could at least temporarily indulge him. She asked polite questions as he went on and on about the workings of this phonewave thing, how that had come to be, how they’d eventually improved it to a timeleap machine, and so forth.  

Unfortunately, it was dragging on and wearing on her patience. Any information on what she really wanted, an explanation for everything surrounding the murder attempt on her, was still nowhere in sight. Should she interrupt him? Ask for the most relevant answers right away? It had been weeks of fruitless searching and he was now right in front of her!

She gripped the lab member badge in her pocket. It kept her hand from shaking. It was just another coping mechanism to deal with her nerves, now on an all-time high from finally finding her ‘savior’, if that term was correct. She’d consequently allowed him to lead her away from the crowded street, certain that she’d get the answers, that her brain would go back to normal and most of all that the world would somehow make sense again.

…but then he’d led her to a maid café and her hopes had started to falter. And after meeting the strange pink haired girl dressed up as a cat, who’d led them to this office, assuring them that they wouldn’t be disturbed because ‘the manager worked for her anyway,’ the world made even less sense. And if there was something she hated as a scientist, it was something not making sense. That meant that there were answers out there that had yet to be discovered, and questions to find them that hadn’t been formulated yet.

Thus, Kurisu couldn’t help but wonder why the girl would be working as a maid in a maid café if it were actually true. Then again, no one had thrown them out yet either, even though they’d been in here for well over an hour now. The girl had seemed so sure, too… so was it  _actually_  true or just some sort of prank or delusion?

The pink-haired maid was either a lot more than she appeared to be or she was completely insane. Or, you know, both.

Realizing that wasn’t the most pressing issue, she again tried to focus on the young man before her.

Their eyes met.

And there it was again. The briefest of initial hesitations on his part, followed by an attempt to continue anyway. But his speech pattern invariably slowed down the longer they made eye contact and finally broke down somewhere mid-sentence. It had gotten worse the longer this conversation had gone on. He looked away awkwardly. If she didn’t know any better she’d say there was a lot of sadness in his features as he did. 

Sadly, that was still a more than she could say for herself, as her own emotions were nothing short of a complete mess.

Why was looking at him so difficult? There was an impulsive desire to look away from his tentative gaze. A fear. A deep uncertainty. But also mixed with happiness, a feeling of hope. A certain nervousness. But above all, an almost desperate need for something. A confirmation of sort, she somehow knew. But of what? No matter how hard she dug through her hippocampus, the answers kept evading her.

What were these feelings she felt? Was it attraction? The endless angst that girls of her age supposedly felt for their crushes and then obsessed on and on about it instead of doing anything productive? It wasn’t like she’d know, spending most of her time in a lab either collecting or analyzing data.

Sure, she’d watched a lot of anime and could understand why certain characters were attracted to each other and were the definite one true pairings of their respective universes - not that she’d ever admit either of those. But to actually have those kinds of feelings herself, in reality, for a real person, out of pretty much nowhere…

It was so out of character for her.

It was also such an absolute longshot from when she’d met him. The guy had legitimately thought she’d been an assassin from some strange organization and had relayed that information into a phone that wasn’t even on. That had been with  _zero_  provocation from her end. To fall for someone like that… if that were true, part of her was tempted to kill herself.

 _“That was before he saved our life,”_ her Frontal Lobe reasoned.

 _“Then if this is some kind of rescue romance trope we’re trapped in, why do I feel like breaking down time I look at him? Aren’t we supposed to be happier and less emo?”_ her Limbic System countered, confused.

 _“Beats me,”_ Frontal Lobe admitted, shrugging. _“Emotions are mostly  your thing. And it’s not like we regularly get almost-murdered. I’m perfectly happy we’re unable to cross-reference mental states. Now could you please get on with it? Thank him if you’re still set on that and lose him ASAP, so we leave this mess behind and finally pull ourselves together. Personally, I can’t wait to get back to the safety and comfort of a lab behind lots of high-security locks.”_

She shook her head. Part of her wanted that too, but getting a grip had proven a lot easier said than done. She’d been this way ever since her own father attempted to kill her two months ago. Maybe these feelings for Okabe Rintaro were just anxiety symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, resurfacing from being exposed to a stimulus related to that attack, in this case he himself, mixed with some faint hope that she could find closure.

A plausible hypothesis, but it didn’t entirely fit. She was fairly sure that she should have been much more panicked or afraid if that were the case. The strange bit of happiness didn’t quite fit, nor the overwhelming sense of loss, which had only grown stronger in time.

As she thought it, she could imagine Frontal Lobe continuously faceplanting itself against the wall of her cranial cavity, protected only from the bone by the fibrous membrane of the Dura Mater.  _‘Not this again,’_ it groaned. _‘For the last time, let’s look at this rationally. You feel we lost ‘something important’. So… something like… oh, I don’t know, forever losing the bond with dad, which was all we’ve ever worked for!? How can that possibly not be enough of an explanation!?’_

 _‘It just… feels like it’s something else,’_ the structures forming her Limbic System replied. _‘And it’s not like there are no problems with your explanation, either. What about the visions?’_

 _‘Look at these idiots…’_ the prior brain structure scoffed. _“Is that really the best you have? Well then, brace yourselves for this incredibly obvious hypothesis: we are experiencing auditory and visual hallucinations due to psychosis caused by severe mental trauma. For that matter, we ourselves could be auditory hallucinations.’_

Kurisu had to concede the point. She could well be psychotic. It fit all too well with the sensation of losing her mind and nothing she’d done had managed to fix it. Not talking to the police psychiatrist, not EMDR therapy nor visiting the Radi-kan building as exposure in vivo therapy.

The only thing she hadn’t tried yet were antipsychotic drugs, but then again, she hadn’t told anyone about the hallucinations either. She wasn’t exactly sure why; it was more of a vague feeling that if she’d write the hallucinations off as being false, if she took away those fragments of potential leads, that she’d give up that undefined something she felt she’d lost, even if that made absolutely zero logical sense. Plus, the prideful part of her found it hard to accept even potentially having such a diagnosis and found the prospect of having to take heavy medication to get though it both humiliating and horrifying. Thus, not telling the psychiatrist everything had been somewhat easy.

Dealing with her mother or her supervisor had been a lot harder. With them, it wasn’t so much as not telling them about the hallucinations as it had been about straight up lying about how things were going. She knew that if either of them knew how bad all of this had really messed her up, they’d force her to leave, either by withdrawing the funding that allowed her to stay in the hotel or by refusing her request for  _yet another_ week of ‘vacation extension’.

So she lied, often took their phone calls without the vidphone option so they couldn’t see her face or the state of the room, did her absolute best to keep her voice straight and sent them some pictures of famous tourist attractions in the area, all to keep up the illusion that she was having a great time. It had apparently worked, though she suspected only because her mom hated her dad so much that she  _really_  wanted to believe he hadn’t been able to inflict any severe or lasting damage on their daughter.

And with the psychiatrist, her mother and her supervisor out of the way, that left… absolutely no one for her to confide in. That realization somehow made the undefined feeling of loss hurt even more.

It conjured memories of things best left forgotten. Of a cold and dark hotel room and a betrayed teenage girl trying to cope with severe mental trauma with nothing more than a Upa pillow for direct company.

The urge to cry was rapidly resurfacing.

Okabe Rintaro, or Hououin Kyouma, or whatever the man’s name in front of her was, hesitantly continued his monologue. She took the opportunity to take in his visage, grasping at any distraction that allowed her to keep her composure.

He was at least decently handsome, there was no real way around it. He was tall, dark and had a certain rugged charm about him. His almost but not entirely clean shaven beard and wildish black haircut combined with his lab coat, overly long belt  and beige pants to give him somewhat of an actual mad scientist look. He made it work surprisingly well.

She tried to imagine him in some other outfit, strictly for scientific purposes. Something like… a black suit. And a red tie. She nodded approvingly. Yes, definitely a red tie. And maybe they could keep the lab coat, too?

Hmmm. Yup!

Frontal Lobe sweatdropped.  _‘Um, brain to thought processes, hello? What the HELL is happening? We were in a very dark place just ten seconds ago and now we’re straight up fantasizing about dressing him up? This distraction is WAY_ _too effective!’_

 _‘Shush, we’re working,’_  the chorus of active thought processes replied.  _‘This lab-suit hybrid version is a DEFINITE ‘nine out of ten would-do’!’_

Kurisu whirled away from him much too quickly to escape notice, immediately took a large spoon of her now-cold salt-flavored ramen noodles, promptly choked on it and spilled almost all of it over the table.

It was the smoothest cover-up in the history of cover-ups.

She’d just have to keep coughing, wait out his flabbergasted stare and trust her Frontal Lobe to get things back under control so she could forget about all these inappropriate images and feelings. After all, her brain had never let her down before. Mostly.

She could feel her Frontal Lobe critically analyzing the visual data passed on to it by the occipital lobe and the connecting neurons, doubtlessly reaching the conclusion that he was way overhyped.

 _‘…Why isn’t he a ‘ten out of ten’?’_  the supposed general manager of her brain’s functions went on asking, unsure.

Kurisu froze. Treason! Treason everywhere!

 _‘He’s a bit scrawny for his size,’_  a random thought process replied. ‘ _Still hot in the proper outfit though.’_

 _‘Why does that scrawny bit sound so ironic to me?’_ a second one wondered.

 _‘Who cares? What really matters is what lies beneath that shirt!’_  another one unhelpfully supplied.

This had to stop.

 _‘Guys! I’d rather be emo than listen to speculation on his abs!’_  she furiously thought, trying her very best not to let her imagination get the better of her.

 _‘We didn’t say anything about abs?’_ numerous thought processes pointed out.

 _‘Eh? But… No, I mean, what else is beneath his cloth- gah! Just, please drop it, okay? Please?’_ she begged.

_‘Suit yourself. Actually, speaking of suits…’_

She facepalmed, groaning in frustration. Okabe watched her as she did, awkwardly scratching his head. He obviously had no idea what was going on. Good thing, too. This line of thought should  _never_ see the light of day.

 _‘Please don’t nightingale over him too hard?_ ’ Kurisu tried, admitting partial defeat.  _‘The jury is still out on whether he’s a creepy psychotic stalker or not.’_

_‘If you really believed that, would you be sitting here in a closed off office with him, just the two of you?’_

_‘I wouldn’t, which is why I’m so worried! I’m really confused by the amount of trust we seem to give him, considering we know almost nothing about the guy. I’m telling you, something is really off here. This isn’t natural!’_

_‘Sure, sure! Now what about a blue suit to go with the red tie?’_

A deeply hidden and apparently not quite repressible part of her noted that the blue suit version of him resembled Phoenix Wright from the ace attorney series, only with more realistic hair and hazel-colored eyes. That gave him some extra cuteness points. Wait… speaking of said lawyer, there was something-

_‘Objection!’_

The world shifted. Waves upon waves of Déjà-vu constricted her vision.

 

* * *

 

_She was in a conference hall. Her name was already being introduced by the host. Outwardly she tried her best at appearing calm._

_Inwardly she was sweating, neurotically going over all her notes one more time, planning out each and every word in advance._

_All she had to do was hold a lecture, she told herself. That was all. It would last thirty minutes, tops. People did this all the time all over the world. She just had to represent her department’s and consequently entire university’s prestigious name to a hall filled with men and women who were all older than her, some at least twice her age, and with many more years of scientific experience each. And all this on a complex theoretical subject like time travel, no less, which wasn’t even her own field of expertise._

_No biggie!_

_What could possibly go wrong? At best she’d merely do as was expected of her. At worst she’d make a complete fool of both herself and her university and forever prove the critics of her thesis right in that she was just an overhyped tool of her department._

_Ok… maybe think about something more positive. Like… how she’d done this before?_

_Oh wait, she had no prior experience whatsoever._

_Well, at least she hadn’t come all the way from America specifically for this, then?_

_Oops, that was EXACTLY why she was here, minus the bit with her father._

_‘This isn’t helping,’ she told herself as she dragged her feet over there. Why couldn’t anyone else have done this instead of her!?_

_The host handed her the microphone. She fumbled with the standard, then tested it, hoping against hope that some catastrophic technical issue would arise that gave her just a little bit more time to get ready._

_It worked perfectly, of course. Just her luck._

_The first lines came out stumbling, uncertain. She passed herself off as inexperienced, trying to get a bit of goodwill from the crowd._

_It worked somewhat and she quickly shifted to the actual subject. At least they were underway now; all she had to do was go through the carefully planned slides one by one, provide the approved and memorized commentary and-_

_“Objection!”_

_She froze. One man stood at the back of the hall, dramatically pointing at her and loudly challenging her claim before the first minute had even passed._

_It was a shock when she recognized the speaker. It was him, Hououin Kyouma, or whatever the delusional pervert she’d just met called himself. It apparently wasn’t enough that he’d groped her in public under the ridiculous excuse of being surprised at seeing her alive, in plain view of at least some of the other attendees here, no less! No, of course it wouldn’t be. He’d also wanted to ruin the presentation itself, huh?_

_Seething rage took hold. It helped her focus and grounded her in the here and now, pushing all doubts and other considerations aside. She was going to destroy him!_

_She took all that anger and very, very carefully ordered all her thoughts into battle formations. All the information on all eleven prevalent theories on time travel. All the possible counterarguments to it being implausible. The responses to all the counterarguments. ALL OF IT, so that no matter what he said, no matter what side of the argument he’d be on, she’d be ready._

_A desperate remnant of self-control told her the safer and more professional option would be to have security remove him. To just get on with the lecture as planned._

_No way. It was personal now! She was going to push this as hard as she possibly could, given the circumstances. She’d keep dragging him into this ‘lecture’, and Every. Single. Example. she’d use was going to include him suffering some scientifically revelant yet horrific and exceptionally lethal fate, such as jumping into a black hole._

_She inwardly smirked evilly and narrowed her eyes, gesturing the security guard back._

_“Fine then, let’s change the format to a discussion.”_

_Over the remainder of the thirty minutes, Hououin Kyouma got completely owned._

_She didn’t hesitate even once; it was pure, unadulterated, scientifically-valid slaughter._

_Revenge had never tasted sweeter._

* * *

 

Kurisu blinked, forcing herself back to the here and now.

The visions didn’t scare her as much as it initially had. This was actually a pleasant one compared to the ones that usually came. But that wasn’t the important part – the important part was how vivid this one had been. It was crystal clear and actually had sound to go with it, much better than the usual vague or muted ones.

That lecture, she had cancelled it after the attack on her. But that just now, that had been way too much like an actual memory, as if it actually  _had_  happened. It also didn’t  _quite_  match Okabe’s story.

 _‘Yeah, so what was that he told us again about how we met in the supposed other worldline? ‘We had a pleasant conversation about time travel theories’?’_  Limbic system scoffed, temporarily distracted from her previous conundrum.  _‘Pleasant, my ass!’_

 _‘Okay, so his looks… and possible abs aside… maybe we should go with the earlier plan, you know, the contingency in case we somehow became attracted to him from that to… whatever this is? I’m sure I saw a sufficiently high building to jump off of over there,’_ her Ego pointed out.

 _“Not funny, and not helping!”_ Kurisu herself interjected. _“It’s bad enough that parts of my brain are talking to each other without parts of my psyche joining in, too!”_

“Hmmm? What was that?” 

Okabe Rintaro stared at her.

Kurisu facepalmed. That happened a lot around this guy. “Tell me I didn’t say that out loud.”

“O…kay? You didn’t say that out loud, Christina.”

“That’s not my name!”

Rather than replying, Okabe was content to let the silence stretch itself, clearly waiting for something to happen. He somehow had the nerve to  _grin_ , of all things.

The image of Hououin Kyouma from the memory overlapped with Okabe Rintaro sitting in front of her. It was definitely the same man.

This guy.

A lingering sentiment of fury cut through all confusing thoughts and feelings of pain. If nothing else made sense, she could use anger. She understood anger. And she knew she was being lied to. She took a deep breath and channeled said emotion from the earlier memory. This was as good a time of any to start before the awkwardness routine rebooted itself.

If he wanted to purposefully keep twisting the truth, if it could even be that, that was fine.

If he wanted to keep ignoring the huge invisible elephant in the room between them, that was fine.

She’d just  _drag_  the answers out of him,  _right now_.

“Okabe Rintaro, what are you hiding? Why is it so hard for you to talk about me?” she continued, crossing her arms.

His smirk faded. He even had the decency to look taken aback. “What do you mean? I told you already – you were a fellow lab member, my assistant actually. You worked with us from the start. Your safety was my-“

“First, I’m not your assistant! I know I’d never accept becoming an assistant of someone with no scientific credibility at all.“

He flinched. “Ouch.”

“Secondly, that answer had no relevance to my question whatsoever,” she pressed. “It’s incredibly obvious misdirection!”

There was an ever so slight hesitation as he grabbed for the Dr. Pepper bottle to his right. It was still empty, just like the previous five times. Just like the rice omelet with giant ketchup letters reading ‘Nice catch, Kyouma-san!’ still remained untouched after he’d hastily smeared out the words. He was obviously just stalling to calm his nerves.

“Lastly, you’re a really bad liar. You don’t hesitate about anything in this story except when it’s about me. You describe everything very in-depth and colorfully, who everyone was, what they did and why. Everything about it seems well rehearsed, as If you’ve told it many times. But whenever I come up, or my role in this, you start to falter. You begin breaking eye contact and glancing off. You get nervous. You don’t know what to tell me. You keep asking yourself how much you should say. Am I wrong?”

Silence.

“ _Why,_  Okabe? What can’t you tell me?” she tried again.

 _“And why aren’t we using honorifics when we address each other? Isn’t that something reserved for very close friends or family?”_ Frontal Lobe wondered.

 _“He’s just an infuriating idiot. He doesn’t get honorific privileges. Especially not if he can’t even say OUR name properly!”_ Limbic System scoffed.

 _“…_ As expected of Christina, my genius assistant,” he mumbled.

“Stop adding ‘-Tina’! And stop dodging the question!”

“…”

Frustrations rose and she became genuinely angry. Angry at not being given what she needed; an answer that was content to stay confined to  _his_  hippocampus. He didn’t give it and she couldn’t reach it. That started a sensation of helplessness which quickly spiraled out of control.

Memories of familiar hands strangling her. Feelings of utter horror, shame, regret and confusion. Memories of a ‘savior’ vanishing into thin air.

It was abandonment all over again. Twice.

Memories of a police investigation that went nowhere fast. There was barely any time for closure before the visions started. Visions of her actually dying, of being shot, strangled, stabbed or worse. Visions of strange men with guns breaking into her hotel room as she grieved, only to be proven false after she’d already been thrown into their van.

She sought the crowd for cover. Logic told her that if someone else suddenly tried to strangle her in a busy street, there would be bystanders who could help. If someone stabbed her outside, someone could call an ambulance or maybe there would even be a doctor nearby. If strange men with guns actually came for her, at least it’d be easier to run and lose them, a lot less dangerous than jumping out the window. There was also more cover there, both living and non-living, as cruel as it was to think like that.

She just wanted to survive.

But outside the images were also different, sometimes worse in a way. Because then  _he_ sometimes walked next to her. He was talking to her, hands in his pockets, unconcerned with everything having gone to hell. His cocky grin told her he knew the answers, the way out. But she could never make out what he was saying. And then he was suddenly gone, leaving only a vague feeling that she could find him if she just walked that one more square. That she would find him if she just stayed one more day. That she  _needed_  to find him again at all costs.

But she never did. Week after week he remained missing. Week after week the strangest things could draw out the lifelike visions, making her doubt what was real and what wasn’t. Week after week she hid those from everyone, afraid they’d think she’d gone insane. And throughout all of it, there was that stupid, all-consuming feeling of loss that made her want to break down. She’d forgotten something, but what? Why was it so important?

And then there was the need for the answer to that one specific question…

He could tell her. He  _could_  tell her everything,  _as he’d_   _promised_.

But he was lying.

She couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okabe. Look at me. If you don’t tell me right now what is really going on, with me AND between us, I’m leaving.”

Hazel eyes met hers directly. This time there was no awkwardness, it was instead replaced with pure shock. “What? I’d have thought that you, as a scientist, would want all the available data first, if only for perspective!”

Still no straight answer.

She stood up. Weeks of buried and repressed emotions were surfacing. “I’m sorry, Okabe. Right now I don’t want to know how horrible everything you went through was. If it’s true, then I’m sorry, I really am. But I want answers about myself first. I want to know why I can’t look at you. Why I feel this loss when I see you. Why do I want to cry over just seeing a stranger? Why doesn’t it go away? Why do these strange visions about you keep messing me up? I don’t even know you. I don’t! So why can’t I be at peace anymore!?”

“I-“ He also stood up. She immediately took a step back towards the door.

“Did you touch me?” She whispered.

Perhaps the most important question. It was also a last chance.

He froze. “What?”

“After you turned on me. When… my father attacked me. You used your stungun when I tried to help you. You left me on the floor. After that… did you- did you touch me?”

“Of course I didn’t!” he shouted, shaking himself out of it. “What kind of person do you think I am!?”

A last chance not taken. Some part of her wasn’t surprised.

But it still broke her. There was no stopping the tears this time.

“Liar! Just… stop lying to me! It hurts!”

He was confused. That seemed genuine, at least, so much so that it halted his attempt to get around the table to where she was. “But… But I didn’t-!”

She didn’t want to hear it. That probably wasn’t fair but it hadn’t been fair for her, either. “Do you know what it was like for me, Okabe? From my perspective? I’ll tell you honestly! My father tried to kill. My own father. Just like that. We hadn’t spoken in seven years. He lost faith in himself because I was too smart and that ruined his scientific career in the end. I was eleven but I knew it was because of me. And then he left us.”

Okabe didn’t reply; he just observed her silently.

“Everything I did since then, I did in hopes of somewhere, sometime reconciling with him. I did everything I could for it. I thought that maybe if I gathered enough scientific acclaim, I could somehow help him and that we’d be a family again. That we could discuss his theories again on the couch, smiling, just the two of us. So I denied everything to myself other than the study and the research. I hid everything that might damage my reputation, all my hobbies, all my other interests, all of it! And then, after seven  _years_ , I thought I finally had something that could do it. But then… But then…!”

She drew a shaky breath. “Did you know the brain needs so much oxygen that it only takes ten seconds to lose consciousness if there’s a lack of it? And how useless that information was for me when I got strangled!? My vision faded but I saw a knife. I knew I was about to die and all I could ask myself was: “Why, papa? Didn’t I do enough?”

“Kurisu-“ his arm hesitantly reached forward.

She took another step back. “It… it wasn’t just the fear of dying. My dream had been crushed! I felt everything I’d ever done, everything I’d ever built up to was for nothing. I can’t even describe how that broke me!”

“I-“

“But then it got worse. Suddenly you showed up, cackling madly about things I still can’t understand. Then you got stabbed and I ran there to help you. But then you used that… stun gun thing on me and my muscles explode in agony. Throughout it all I could still hear you say you’re going to rape me and then kill both me AND my dad. And then my dad ran, leaving me on the floor with a madman with a knife and a stungun.”

She could still see his eyes widen despite the veil of tears. ”You were conscious!?," he cried, "but that can’t be! Operation Skuld was a complete success!”

“’Y- You were conscious?’ ‘A complete success?’ Really? Is that all you have to say?” she chuckled humorlessly. “I don’t even…”

“But… then why didn’t you run?”

“Because I was too scared to do anything, you idiot!” she cried. “I was too numb from shock! All my muscles still hurt from the spasms. But I thought maybe if I played dead, that I’d have a chance to surprise you. That maybe this whackjob watched too much Hollywood and didn’t know that stun guns and tasers don’t  _actually_  knock people unconscious! You were injured so maybe I’d have a chance to get away.”

“I couldn’t even have that, of course!” she added sarcastically. “Because then this woman enters. She effortlessly picks me up and puts me down in what can only be a pool of your blood. The scent of it makes me sick. It drenches my clothes. And when she does, my hand brushes something metallic. I know it’s a gun.  I don’t even hear what you’re both saying anymore. I know that the next second this unknown woman is going to shoot me and that this man is maybe going to rape my corpse afterwards and I still can’t move! I’m in pain, you’re both armed with lethal weapons and this woman is too strong. It was hopeless.”

She knew she was venting, but there was only so long she could keep it to herself. “I- I felt abandoned by the world. I had nightmares about it, about this woman actually shooting me. Through the head, through the heart, anywhere. I couldn’t let go of this strange idea that she hated me even though I had no idea who she was. And then there were these visions… no,  _actual_  sensations of you or my dad stabbing me and where I slowly bleed out on either you or the floor instead.”

Okabe suddenly stumbled back as if he’d been struck in the face. “I… I’m sorry,” he whispered. “I only wanted to scare him away. You weren’t supposed to hear or feel that. I thought… ”

He didn’t, or maybe couldn’t finish his sentence. He looked and sounded broken, defeated. A very faint image of a bridge formed around him. Or was it a walkway? Did it even matter? Just what was going on with her brain!?

She wiped her tears with her sleeve, blinking the vision away. “But… you know? just then, when I’d given up, I felt it.”

He looked up hesitantly. He clearly had no idea. He was lost.

Again, the image flickering over the office. It was definitely a walkway. Was it significant? If so, why?

“It was a tender touch from a shaking hand,” she explained. ”You stroked my hair, didn’t you? It calmed me down enough to register what was happening. And then I started to doubt. You were bleeding out and gasping for breath, possibly dying, but still cared enough to say goodbye. You were a completely different person. I didn’t understand what you meant by ‘three weeks not coming back’, but I could hear it - the pain in your voice, the regret. It’s the same things I feel now when I look at you. You told me that you wanted me to live and then you vanished.”

Still no answer from him. What was going on in his mind? Why wasn’t he responding? Part of her was irritated, even angry that she was telling him everything straight, despite the shame, despite her own trauma, and that he apparently couldn’t be bothered to do the same. It made her want to lash out, shake him by his coat or whatever it took to rouse him from his stupor, to force him to react. He wasn’t going to get out of this by hiding in some shell, not after what he’d put her through!

But even though it should have been easy to scold him, to press him even harder….

“I… held on to that idea,” she continued, “that even if I’d spent my life chasing some fools errant, wasting it, that someone other than my mom and my sempai back home still cared for me. Enough to even risk his life for it, even. That possibility that you were actually, legitimately there to help me, even if I didn’t understand anything about the way you did it. That there was a valid reason I’d had to experience all that horror. That possibility, no, that  _one moment_  of affection is what kept me sane these last two months.”

She looked away. “But now that you’re here… now that you’re right in front of me, you say you didn’t. Why can’t you admit it?”

_"Say it. Please say it. I need to hear it… do you remember?"_

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry…” he repeated.

She slowly closed her eyes. Not that. Whatever faint hope there had been a moment ago drained away. “Why, Okabe!? Do you regret it!? Are you disappointed I’m not broken enough yet? Is all this just some kind of sick psychological game to you!?”

He lifted his face from his hands. Their eyes met again. She didn’t recognize the emotion. He opened his mouth to say something.

And closed it.

Something snapped inside of her and she ran.

But he was faster.

“Let go!” she cried, trying to pull her arm from his grip. She tried to suppress the immediate surge of panic that came with being reminded of the last time someone had grabbed her forcefully.

Okabe shook his head. “I can’t.”

“I’ll scream!”

“Will it make you feel better?”

“If it gets you arrested!”

He chuckled humorlessly. “I probably deserve worse. If it helps you recover, then do it. I’ll confess to whatever you say. Maybe that’s the price of Steins Gate.”

His grip relaxed. She stopped struggling and took one last, long look at him. He seemed earnest. Something told her that he wouldn’t stop her, that he’d wait to be arrested and keep his word, even. She’d take the plane back to America the next day and he’d be out of her life forever. 

All it would take was one scream for help.

Just one.

Hazel eyes filled with warmth and sadness, patiently waiting on her answer.

“I… I can’t do it,” she muttered. “Why? Why can’t I? And why am I crying? It… It’s this feeling again. I should have left the country weeks ago. I shouldn’t trust you. I shouldn’t even like you. I shouldn’t have gone with you to this place by myself. It’s stupid. It’s illogical! It’s…”

His arms settled on her shoulders, gently pulling her closer.

“It’s fine, Kurisu. You don’t have to explain it.“

She could have struggled, could have pushed him away, could and should have ran, even. 

But she was tired - tired of being tormented over things she didn’t completely understand, and tired of chasing after something she had no idea of what it really was.

 “Then tell me. Why do I trust you?” she had to ask. “Why do you look at me with those sad eyes? I… don’t want to be pitied. I don’t!”

"Because…”

His arms closed around her. They were warm, strong arms, silently promising protection.

And for the very first time in two long months, she felt safe. Completely safe, even. Compared to that, everything else suddenly seemed trivial, worries for a different place and time. All she wanted at that moment was have him hold her and savor this alien feeling for as long as she possibly could.

And he let her.

The sheer relief of it was crushing. She felt as if a dam of long pent-up and held-back emotions was about to break and that it was finally all right to let it go.

So she cried it out into his chest.

_Tears she couldn’t shed to Maho or her Mom, because she couldn’t worry them._

His shirt was soft. It carried some strange mixture of scents ranging from his musk to her tears to a muffy metallic one. She was surprised to find she was searching it for a hint of microwaved banana, which was so ridiculous she just had to chuckle despite herself. Still, the scents were familiar - familiar enough to continue.

_Tears she couldn’t shed to the police psychiatrist, because she didn’t want to risk losing something important._

He took a deep breath. “Because-”

She could feel him tense, only to falter and hesitate, slightly loosening his grip as he did.

She acted without thinking. Maybe it was just instinct, to prevent losing her protective shell. Maybe it was some remnant cognitive process wanting an answer. Maybe some part of her just wanted to support him in return.

Whatever the reason, she tentatively, ever so cautiously curved her right arm around his back and gently pulled him back to her. It felt like reaching out to him as he sat to the side of a walkway, where no one seemed to care that he looked broken, even desperate. Only this time,  _she_ was the broken one.

 _Stay. Please stay._

There was no real physical strength behind the gesture; she wasn’t even sure she’d be able to at this point. But he seemed to understand.

They both moved, gradually melting further into the other’s embrace in a way that came and felt far too natural. It made her brain secrete what was probably an embarrassing amount of dopamine and oxytocin. But it made her feel comfortable – comfortable enough to continue.

_Tears that she couldn’t shed to anyone, because she’d been too stuck being an eleven-year-old girl wondering why her father had stopped coming home._

The pain didn't reach her. With him holding like her this,  _nothing_  could touch her.

 “Because I love you, Makise Kurisu, and I think that in at least one other worldline, you loved me too.”

…Except that, maybe.

It was impossible to not feel nervous. But it was still a conformation of something important, something she’d been wanting to hear for what felt like a very long time. That made her… happy. Nervous, but also happy.

She chuckled through the sobs. “Your timing *sniff* needs work, you idiot…”

“You’re probably right,” he said, though she could _feel_  his smile as he looked down on her. “If I’d known you were still here, I could have planned something better. Maybe I’d have taken you to a resort on the beach, where we’d have this heartfelt confession and our first kiss in the sunset.”

“That’s… really romantic,” she admitted, smiling.

“Then I promise I’ll make it up to you someday. I just… really thought you’d have left Japan. So, I suppose what I’m trying to say is: Thank you for staying, Kurisu, my beloved companion.”

“A-Ah,” What to say? Where was the Standard Operating Protocol that told her what to do in this situation, faced with breaking down while being hugged by an attractive guy who kept saying mushy stuff that made her knees go weak and her mind completely blank? Surely someone had written a thesis on _that_ topic before! “Um, no problem?” Wait, what? It sure as _hell_ had been a problem! “But… I *sniff* still want an explanation later.”

“Of course - wait, ‘later’? Not right now? You were pretty insistent a minute ago.”

“No. Right now… I just want proof.”

“…’Proof’?” Okabe asked, confused.

 “These last two months… to stay here… I had to lie a lot, pretending everything was fine,” she explained. “I’m not… saying it would be nice to just… not pretend anymore, if only for a while, with someone else. But…”

 “I understand,” he said, nodding. “You’re too strong to ever need anyone’s help, and even if you did, you’d never ask for it. So, I’m just going to choose to stay here because I want to. Let’s say this is me taking responsibility for my actions.”

She didn’t answer because she didn’t have to. That had sounded like something she’d say or make him do. She felt that he understood her, the way she thought, more than he should probably be able to. That gave her a sense of hope, that maybe there was something more to this time travel story - enough hope to finish it.

_And maybe, just maybe, tears because she had regained something, or someone, important to her._

And finally, the wounds began to close.

  

* * *

 

 **Progress to next chapters (as of 15-07-2018):**  

Part one:

Chapter 6: 12000-ish/16000-ish. 

Hey everyone, quick update here. Yes, I'm still alive and still working on this :) It's just a bit of a busy period at the moment. As some of you have already noted, the baby I talked about in the other notes of chapter 4 and 5 was actually mine, our first actually. So... I'm currently trying to balance work and raising a toddler who doesn't really want to sleep with some remnants of a social life and writing in the very small bits of free time I have left. In case you're wondering, all those tropes and sterotypes you read about regharding how much work a baby is to parents and how badly your sleep suffers for it? Yeah, those are all true or mostly true. We still love sprout unconditionally of course, but from a writing perspective it kills virtually all my time (used to be I had between 3 and 4 hours each day to do whatever i wanted and now it's between 30 minutes and 1 hour due to the baby).

Because of the above I've decided to cancel the idea of doing a megachapter with like 25 k words as it simply isn't feasible to do in one go anymore. So I'm working towards maybe being able to release half of the remaining part 1 in a chapter 6 of around 14000-ish words this weekend. If I can actually do this, I'm not sure but I am going to do my best and take a bit of time off in order to accomplish it. 

In regards to the chapter content, I have to say the meeting of the original 4 lab members is a bit... chaotic/hard to write and a certain... really annoying (at least to me) plothole in the true ending is pretty impactful in steering things from there. I was considering leaving that one out entirely as I really struggled to come up with some kind of credible explanation, and to have a bit more freedom to explore different aveneus. But well, I started out this story to try and fill in some of those and leaving that avenue now feels like taking the chicken way out. Mayuri is also surprisingly difficult to write (what is her ratio of referring to herself as Mayushii compared to "I" to give one example, and to give another example - what is her exact level of intelligence?), but after some struggles I think I have a version of her that is true to the canon and that I like for the circumstances. More to come later.

Update (15-07-2018): I wrote for most of sunday and part of saturday. I had to rewrite parts of the start since the setup didn't entirely work the way I wanted it to later. In the end it left the chapter 3000 words longer but also of much higher quality than it originally was. My goal now is finishing it next weekend. 

 

Chapter 7: 3000-ish/10000-ish.

How exactly do the events of the day end for our heroes? Muahahahaha...

 

 

Chapter 8-13: Script, some dialogue. 

 

* * *

 

**Detailed author’s notes:**

As I was writing this, I quickly figured out that the first chapter wouldn’t be all that happy in nature, more of an angst/hurt/comfort type of chapter with which I have no experience at all in doing. It had to be this way though, since I couldn’t touch on two major flaws of the ending and still be realistic otherwise. Plus, it wouldn’t be Steins Gate without the drama, right? I still tried to inject as much humor as possible to keep it from being an angstfest. I might have overshot that, actually, but I guess that’s up to the readers to decide. And there’s a certain irony of ending here for now, which makes this chapter’s ending more or less the exact same premise as SG’s actual ending/epilogue. Mission failed, right? XD

So the first major flaw in the true ending’s realism expressed here is Kurisu instantly fainting from being hit by a stun gun. That is straight up Hollywood magic, the same magic that, in example, the protagonist of action movie X uses when he/she sneaks up behind an unsuspecting villain and effortlessly snaps the target’s neck with his or her bare hands, upon which the bad guy also dies instantly. In reality, neither of those happen. Tasers use a torrent of electricity to briefly cause painful, forced muscle contractions, effectively paralyzing a target for the duration since they can’t move muscles that are kept in the same, contracted state by the electrical current. For a stun gun, it’s an even more brief experience. That’s all they do. They don’t magically cause someone to lose consciousness nor for a prolonged period of time (except, very maybe, if the target had some form of major heart disorder. But let’s assume realistically that Kurisu doesn’t). This is something the reader or viewer is likely to overlook since they either don’t know better and/or want Okabe to succeed at the cost of suspense of disbelief, but I’m calling it for what it is.

The only realistic way for things to happen exactly as they’re portrayed in the VN or the anime is if Kurisu is pretending to be unconscious after being hit, presumably from being too afraid. Which, in turn, is completely understandable considering A: her dad just tried to kill her, B: Okabe suddenly attacked her right after that, and C: (in the VN) right after using the stun gun on Kurisu, he said he’d rape her and then kill both her and her dad. While he only says that last one to scare off Nakabachi, Kurisu would have no way of knowing this.

Does this playing dead also explain Kurisu remaining motionless after Okabe leaves, enabling operation Skuld to still work? There's a good chance it would, since it's very possible that she’d be stuck in her ‘freeze’ response to danger. That, and/or being too flabbergasted to move after what just happened, regardless of how much Okabe’s farewell actually calmed her down. Past Okabe is also supposed to arrive on the scene fairly quickly after hearing the scream, after which he immediately runs, so it’s not like she has to stay still for very long either.

Secondly, considering how traumatic this attack on her has to be for Kurisu, who literally stated that reconciling with her dad was all she worked for so far, it feels downright strange to me that she’s portrayed as  _smiling_  in the ending scene of the anime. Sure, it’s two months later, but it was both her life’s goal that was taken away from her AND a major psychological trauma. Also, she’s constantly implied to be very lonely, likely without anyone to help her cope nearby, at least as far as we know. Am I then expected to believe she’d be completely fine  _that soon_  following a major life event like that? PTSD patients can struggle with these symptoms for  _years_ , even decades in some cases. In the VN, she’s instead crying/nearly crying while stumbling through a few lines of thank you towards Okabe. So… is she that happy to see him, or that much of an emotional mess? I used the second explanation when writing this.

That did put me in a very rough spot with characterization as I’d then realistically be stuck with a Kurisu with some more severe anxiety symptoms if not outright Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. You can see Okabe with PTSD-like behavior in Steins Gate 0, but how does a Kurisu with similar symptoms act? Why does she stick around that long despite this and how do the memories of alternative timelines play into it? It’s normal Kurisu vs Anxiety vs Reading Steiner and I had some trouble juggling that, but I do kind of like the final version. It would have been much easier to sidestep all of this by writing the scene from Okabe’s perspective and taking the chicken’s way out, but I wanted to challenge myself. Plus that would have been much more boring, as we’ve already seen plenty of his thoughts compared to Kurisu’s none. Also, don’t worry; Kurisu isn’t going to remain an emotional wreck for the rest of it. She’s fairly strong and may or may not get the chance to return the favor really soon, considering the foreshadowing of Okabe having his own issues.

The idea of having Frontal Lobe and Lymbic System as entities Kurisu talks to came from Cop and Robber, a great persona 5 fanfic written by Icli. In it, Makoto has two entities named Id and Superego (from Freudian psychology) that she talks with to great comedic, sometimes more serious effect. The most direct translation of these to corresponding brain parts/systems (since, you know, it’s Kurisu and she’d frame them in a neuroscientific way) were the frontal lobe and the limbic system as respective areas of reasoning and emotion. I wanted to experiment with this in the more lighthearted parts of the story for freshness and to have a few more actors in the scene, considering its length. I’m leaving it to reader interpretation of whether they are a product of psychological trauma or Kurisu’s normal state (considering she’s supposed to be very lonely, I can see why she’d develop a habit of talking to herself). In this light, they are deliberately absent in flashbacks. I wonder what the reception will be. If it’s universally hated, I might remove it from the latter 2 or 3 chapters altogether.

Regarding Okabe’s looks, with me being a straight guy and him being an anime character, that’s a little hard for me to judge. However, there’s a hilarious IBN short of Kurisu being asked to dress Okabe and Daru differently on youtube (an official one, not fanmade) and her reaction to seeing Okabe out of his labcoat pretty much says it all (you should find it easily if you search for it). Also, he’s apparently handsome enough for the likes of Faris, Female Luka, Mayuri, Suzuha and Kurisu to all find him at least acceptable. I guess Kurisu’s behavior towards Okabe in the story also makes more sense if she was also strongly physically attracted to him aside from just being very lonely, plus there’s a good chance that her remnants of memories from the other timelines are influencing her judgment of him. 

Also regarding Rintaro, I’m wondering how you as the reader found his characterization? He doesn’t get a lot of lines here, so making him seem like himself is a bit harder. Personally I believe the Okabe Rintaro of the very end of Steins Gate has gone through so much growth that he’s a fairly mature and respectable person for his age. There’s no Hououin Kyouma yet since I don’t believe that endgame Okabe Rintaro would use his alter ego under these serious yet not directly dangerous circumstances. On this subject, the reason I kind of dislike the 25th episode of the anime and also the movie to some degree is that they seemingly revert much of his personal growth and turn him back into an idiot (the anime much more so than the movie) until something really serious happens. Well, that, and that I have some difficulty fathoming why he wouldn’t just be honest with Kurisu on his feelings, considering all they’ve been through and all his struggles? I mean, he’s already done it once where she accepted and returned his affection, plus he knows that reading steiner also applies to other persons. I get that the writers want to prolong the drama as much as possible, but realistically this makes no sense to me.

On the subject of realism, I should probably add that I’m a physician, not a physicist. The scientific concepts involved with time travel here, I’m just going to accept as they’re given, even if it’s likely that there are mistakes (the game already takes liberties with the stun gun for instance), since I’d both be unable to detect them and that the rest of story doesn’t require touching too much on the science to work. I’m still aware of at least one glaring scientific issue like Luka’s miraculous gender change following an intervention on his MOTHER, when only his/her father can influence the actual gender (set x-chromosome from mother vs X or Y chromosome from father). But eh, the author’s notes are long enough as they are now


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter introduction:**

Hey everyone! Thank you all for reading chapter one and special thanks to the ones  who commented/reviewed for their words of support (actually, that's currently only thedarkestlink - sniff, my poor ego! Am I really that scary that no one wants to leave a message?).

Anyway, here’s chapter two, enjoy! More detailed author’s notes are at the bottom of it.

 **Disclaimer:** I don’t own Steins; Gate.

 

* * *

 

 

 Kurisu had no idea how long they stood there. The door opened and immediately closed again behind them at some point, the visitor apparently not wanting to disturb them. She didn’t particularly feel like giving it much attention and she assumed Okabe didn’t either.

 Eventually she calmed down enough to just enjoy the tranquility of the moment, not really thinking of anything.

 But then…

 _'So… are you feeling okay now?’_ Frontal Lobe asked her fellow brain part.

 _'Much better!’_ Limbic System chirped. _“Did I miss anything important during my breakdown?’_

_‘Well, he did say he loves us.’_

_‘Oh, that’s nice… WAIT WHAT? OH MY GOD! QUICK! GIVE ME LOTS OF RANDOM SCIENTIFIC FACTS AND QUOTES WE CAN USE!’_

_‘Eh? Why?’_

_‘TO COVER THIS UP WHILE WE PANIC!’_

_‘Really? THAT’s your plan?’_

_‘DO YOU HAVE A BETTER ONE!?’_

_'Pfff. How about we just keep calm and ask for more info, so we can start making more sense of this?'_

“Okabe? What did you mean by ‘ you think I loved you’ ? Weren’t you sure?” Kurisu asked, breaking the silence.

 It was, all things considered, definitely not the most pressing issue. But curiosity got the better of her.

“Well… the only real proof I have is that you kissed me.”

“A-Ah. So… Um… but…”

 _‘Great - super eloquent responses there! Well done me, truly worthy of a genius!’_ she sarcastically congratulated herself.

Hold on-

Her eyes narrowed. “Wait, you say I kissed you but still doubted whether or not I loved you back? Are you saying you think I’m the kind of person who would go out randomly kissing just anyone!?”

He looked away from her accusing stare. His response was calm, though, and quiet – earnest enough that it was hard for her to hold onto indignance. “No. You just never got to finish your confession. At least, I think you were confessing and that it wasn’t my brain playing tricks on me while the worldline warped. But… I’m not completely sure. Maybe what I saw and heard was just a manifestation of my own guilt.”

 _‘Wow, could that be any more ominous?’_ Frontal Lobe wondered.

“What does that mean? What happened, exactly?” Kurisu asked him, ignoring the internal commentary.

“I’m sorry, Kurisu. I’d… rather not say. Some of the things that happened… well, two of them, were the most painful. This is one of those. I’d rather not recall this at all. Having a perfect memory of the other worldlines isn’t always a good thing.”

“In that case, can you at least tell me why?”

“’Why?’ Why what? You’ll have to be more specific, assistant.”

 Somewhere in the depths of her brain, Limbic System roused herself from her panic by virtue of pure annoyance. So they were back to _this_ now, were they?

 “I’m not your assistant!” she insisted. She would have pushed him away right there and then, but… dem hugz. Gah. And dat sadness in his eyes, though. She could feel herself becoming emotionally confused all over again.  

“You know, never mind. I no longer want to know why you love me,” she weakly mumbled across his chest. It was just less embarrassing to not look at him as she said it.

“You do, or you don’t? You’re being confusing.”

She sighed. “You figure it out, Okabe. You’re a time traveler, right? Aren’t you supposed to know me well enough?”

“Then… I guess so, since neither of us is very direct with our feelings. But does something like that really need an explanation?”

“W-Well… from my perspective, a complete stranger just walked in and dropped that bomb on me,” she said. “Imagine some unknown woman came out of nowhere and suddenly told _you_ she loved you? It’s a little random and unsettling. So… I’m just… ‘not sure if serious’, you know?”

She could feel him lift his head, gazing out over the room. “There were a lot of things,” he said. “I don’t think I can even name everything right now. For starters… your intelligence. Your confidence. The cute way you tried to hide your closet-otaku side, only to hopelessly fail and stammer excuses when it showed. But most of all, I suppose, is that we were a team. Whenever I got stuck and didn’t know what to do, you were there for me, even if I probably didn’t deserve your help. You were always calm. You always had a plan, no matter the situation. Without your guidance, I’d have failed. It was also only because of your brilliance and skill that we succeeded at making the time leap machine, and by extension, that we managed to save everyone in the end. So… for that, thank you, Kurisu.”

“Ah…”

His chin angled downwards. She knew his eyes were on her, obviously waiting for an answer.

She could feel the proverbial clock ticking, making her out to be less in-control with every passing moment; a very ironic thing considering what he’d just said.

Always calm and always with a plan, huh? She’d wish! 

 _'Don’t look at him, just don’t look at him. Let’s take our sweet, SWEET time to come up with something and not do anything rash,’_ Frontal Lobe reasoned.

She looked straight up, right into his beautiful eyes. His breath gently tickled her nose. They were still embracing each other and their faces were mere _inches_ apart.

She froze.

He froze.

Crap.

_'Limbic System, why? Just, why?’_

_‘What? I thought it was a good time. I mean, that was really sweet, we’re already hugging and there’s no one else around,’_ the emotional center of her brain replied. _‘He’s a bit annoyingly tall, though. We’d probably have to both draw him closer and go tip-toe...’_

_“W-Wait, what!? No, I’m not ready! Am I? I mean, there are probably dried tears all over my face, so I must look like a mess! AND anyone could walk in on us! AND we’ve technically only known this guy for mere hours! AND we STILL don’t know anything about that day!”_

_‘So? Aren’t you curious? It’s just a kiss. Go for it!’_

 Was it her imagination, or was there even less distance between them now? Was he moving closer? Was she moving closer?

 It was really tempting to just close her eyes and-

_‘Don’t listen to her! Just calm down and stall!’_

 “D-don’t distract me!” she blurted out, pushing him away and hastily stepping back. ”You owe me an explanation first! Tell me about this ‘ operation Skuld’!”

 He blinked, obviously confused. His arms hung in the air for a comical second, embracing the empty air she’d suddenly abandoned before falling limply to his sides.

 _‘Smooth, Fronty. Very smooth. That was a perfect moment killed so dead it puts the ‘kill’ in Kill la Kill, twice. I hereby rate this an ‘epic fail out of ten’,”_ Limbic System commented.

 _‘O really? What happened to this guy being an infuriating idiot? Who was it that said this again? Oh right, YOU did, like… less than an hour ago? I’m so, so sorry for trying to protect us from weird mind-control-like effects from alternate universes that are making us do or think things we’d normally never, EVER consider under similar circumstances! And let me tell you, you’re not making things any easier!’_ Frontal Lobe countered sarcastically.

_'Would it kill you to be a bit less worrisome, for once?'_

_'Would it kill YOU to be less of a loose cannon, for once? You’re way too impulsive!'_

“Operation Skuld… right…” Okabe said, rousing her from her internal debate. She tried to ignore the wistful sound of his voice and the lingering feeling of her own regret.

He sat himself back down on the table as he started explaining. “I’ll stick to the basics then. In the end I, or more like we - the two of us working together, had undone everyone else’s D-Mails. But then I realized something. If I used the IBN5100 to erase the first D-Mail,  mine, then I’d return to the Beta Worldline. However… that was also the one in which I found your body in a pool of blood. I’d been so focused on the immediate problems in front of me that I failed to consider this until the very end, when I’d already sacrificed everyone else’s happiness to try and save Mayuri. You once said I was bad at-”

“-Strategic thinking,” she finished for him, blinking away an image of a RaiNet gameboard, of all things. What was up with these random visions?

He nodded, smiling sadly. “I knew I’d end up in the Beta worldline weeks after your death. And since you already died, there would be no you to make a time leap machine. That would mean I couldn’t go back in that worldline anymore, if there was even a point, considering the workings of attractor fields. And I couldn’t send a D-Mail either since that would just repeat SERN learning of the existence of our time travel technology, which would then return us to the Alpha worldline. That meant I’d be stuck accepting the established result.”

“Then, since you knew I was dead… you had to choose between Mayuri and me?”

His gaze fell to the floor and remained there. “…Yes.”

“And there was no other way?” she asked.

He glanced out the window, taking in the sunset through the shutters. Stripes of yellow-golden light fell across his features. “…No,” he eventually half-whispered.

That one word spoke entire volumes of pain and despair.

“Couldn’t you have asked me how to make the time leap machine, and then made it yourself once you reached the Alpha worldline?” she asked, improvising an idea.

“…Maybe I could have. I should have, probably, “ he admitted. “But that wouldn’t bypass the attractor field problem. And you’d have had to teach me how to make it, which you probably wouldn’t. By then, you were pretty insistent on stopping resorting to time travel altogether. Even if you… I…”

He didn’t need to finish it; Kurisu didn’t need to be a genius neuroscientist to figure out the rest. It heavily implied that they’d both essentially given up. 

“How often, Okabe?” she asked softly. “How often did you watch Mayuri die before it came to this?”

_And how was he still in one piece?_

There was a shudder, a sharp intake of breath. He moved his hands over his eyes.

She didn’t even want to begin imagining what he was seeing in his mind.

Maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she shouldn’t have asked.

Unfortunately…

 “I… lost count,” he replied. “Dozens of times, at least. I tried everything I could possibly think of. Usually I just tried to flee, to take her somewhere I thought was safe. Later I instead tried to actively protect her with interventions. Neither approach worked. Sometimes she was stabbed. Sometimes SERN agents slit her throat right when he sat beside me in a taxi. Sometimes she was shot, like the first time. I can remember this instance where she was shot right in the head and somehow still managed to whisper my name as she died.”

_She could picture it. A blue-dressed, black-haired girl. Faceless, but with a bloody hole in her forehead. She fell in slow motion. Kurisu only caught a glimpse of the wound, but it was enough._

_She automatically recalled all sorts of horrible information she didn’t want to know. How a bullet from a typical handgun like that would travel faster than any nerve cell could relay an action potential along its dendrites and axon. Thus, the bullet outpaced the speed of information being relayed. That meant it would theoretically happen too fast for Mayuri’s brain to process it. But even if that hadn’t been the case, it might not have been able to anyway, since with that trajectory, the bullet itself and the resulting internal shockwave ripping through Mayuri’s grey and white matter would have heavily damaged if not completely destroyed both the frontal and parietal lobes, among many other critical structures. Which, in turn, would respectively take away Mayuri’s ability to process information and her sense of pain, along with just about everything else that had made her able to function as a human being._

_The person that was Mayuri was effectively dead before she even hit the floor._

_It had taken less than a second yet she’d be gone forever._

_No more comfortable silence of two friends sitting on the couch together. No more cooking together, nor working on cosplay outfits that they’d now never get to wear._

_But most of all, no more cheerful Mayuri to show her what it was like to have an actual friend. Not a supervisor that probably harbored feelings of inferiority, but an actual, no strings attached best friend._

_Someone screamed. Maybe it was Okabe, holding Mayuri’s body, maybe it was her. Maybe it was both of them; it didn’t really matter at this point. They were helpless to the armed men and woman in front of them and those had already killed once._

_But then it got worse._

_‘Oka… rin…’_

_Mayuri, somehow, despite having a completely ruined brain, still managed to say something._

_Neuro-scientifically, that was nothing short of a miracle._

_It was still the most horrible thing she’d ever seen._

_‘Please, stop this. Please… someone…’_

_And then Okabe made to move for the woman who’d shot Mayuri._

_He was going to die, too._

_No! She had to stop him!_

Kurisu snapped back to reality and reached for him, continuing the phantom motion from the dream. “Okabe-“

He didn’t hear her.

He kept going with ever increasing frustration, his voice getting louder and more panicked by the second. “She was pushed in front of a train by a little girl. She was hit by a car multiple times. She was turned into jelly by SERN. She was shot by a police officer who mistook her for a terrorist. _Her,_ a terrorist!?” he emphasized while slamming his fist into a table. “A 17-year-old ditzy, cosplay-loving, harmless girl eating dinner with me in a restaurant!? Over and over it happened and I still couldn’t save her and-!”

“Okabe! Stop! You don’t have to say it!”

“Sometimes she just fell to the floor, like a doll whose strings had been cut. She was… She was…!”

His voice caught and he shrugged helplessly. All the anger flowed out at once, leaving his tone dead again, which was even more distressing to hear. “In the end I kept asking myself: ‘Why? What went wrong this time?’ That’s all it was to me. I was so used to it that it stopped affecting me emotionally. I was afraid I was losing my humanity. Maybe I did. I horribly failed at predicting how the murder attempt on you would have affected you, since to me, something like that wasn’t anything out of the ordinary anymore. I had to deal with _actual_ deaths on a near-daily basis. You had two whole months to recover and no one around you had even died, so what was the harm, right? I thought that maybe you’d still be angry at your father, but you’d obviously be fine by now, right?”

He sighed. “How could I even think like that? You told me it was all you'd ever worked for and I expected you to just shrug it off because _I_ had seen that much worse,” He closed his eyes. “Tell me, Kurisu… what does that say about the person I’ve become?”

Silence stretched from second to agonizing second.

He sat there, broken. She stood there awkwardly, arm halfway there, frozen in place.

_“I… don’t know what to do. What can I even do?”_

_‘Oh, I don’t know, might I suggest LEAVING?’_ Frontal Lobe replied. _‘This is something for a professional psychiatrist. Also, he  just told us he’s used to violence. That makes him legitimately dangerous. I say we have enough of an explanation, crazy as it is. We can probably piece the rest of it together on our own; we don’t have to stick around anymore.’_

 _‘That’s really cold. He was there for us when we needed him, twice,’_ Limbic System countered. _‘He’s in obvious pain; we can’t just leave him like this!’_

_‘Then what’s your plan? And no, I am pre-emptively vetoing anything involving physical contact.’_

_‘...I really don’t think it was that bad of an idea. I mean, it worked for us?’_

_‘You’re hopeless.’_

Honestly, it really wasn’t such a bad plan, Kurisu mused. Not helping him wasn’t an option, and that feeling of being held had been really comforting. Maybe it was the same for him? But… 

 _“I agree with Frontal Lobe here,”_ she thought. _“We need a more lasting solution. I think something is seriously wrong with his cognitions. A simple hug probably isn’t going to cut it in the end.”_

Well, that, and there were some very uncomfortable questions associated with the other route, such as if it was wrong to want to be held by a stranger _this much_ and whether doing that now would count as taking advantage of him and his emotional state.

_‘Thank you, me!’_

_‘Then I’d like to hear YOUR plan, instead,’_ Limbic System cut in, annoyed. _‘Don’t tell me you’re going to just ‘logic’ your way out of this.’_

_'…Actually, that’s not such a bad idea.’_

_‘Wait, what?’_

She took a deep breath and crossed her arms. “Okabe, look at me.”

He did, slowly.

 “You say you’re afraid you lost your humanity,” she began, “but ‘humanity’ isn’t a scientific concept. It can’t be measured. It’s not even defined in any clear way. The closest thing to a ‘lack of humanity’ is antisocial personality disorder, meaning in short that the well-being of others doesn’t matter to you. But I don’t need a PET-scan of your brain to know that it does. If anything, I’d say you care too much, proven by how you just offered to go to jail sorely for my sake. You were serious about that, weren’t you?”

“…Yes.”

“Then I’d say tormenting yourself over this is pointless, not to mention wrong. If what you say is true, don’t you think you’ve already suffered enough?”

“You wouldn’t say that if you knew everything.”

“Oh? Then out with it. What am I missing?” she challenged.

“I never gave up trying to save Mayuri. It was you who _forced_ me to stop trying.”

“Meaning… what? That I pushed you to sacrifice me in favor of Mayuri?”

“Yes. And I did,” she could see his hands gripping the edge of the table beneath him with increasing force. “I… let you die, twice.”

 “So?” she shrugged.

“…’So’? Don’t you care that I’m responsible for your deaths!?”

Kurisu shook her head. “Firstly, I’m alive. Secondly, based on what you’ve told me, it was an impossible choice. I don’t think anyone would have the right to judge you. And if it came down to you choosing a worldline as an observer, then you’re not even responsible for the potential death of my alternate self. You just chose to place yourself in a worldline that didn’t have me in it anymore.”

“But I-!“ he began, but apparently reconsidered. Kurisu mentally noted that he was at least emotional now instead of downright depressed, which was a step up in her book. “Never mind,” Okabe continued. “It’s the same argument you made to comfort me then. From my point of view, that’s just semantics. Since I was the one choosing, whether or not I was directly responsible for your death doesn’t matter. I still had to erase one person from both my life and the world I’d have to live in.”

She took a moment to consider that. Something about what he’d just said bothered her, but she could understand his point of view. There were other avenues of attack, though. “Okabe, you told me we saved everyone in the end. Does that or does that not mean Mayuri is alive as well?”

“…In this worldline, both you and Mayuri are alive. All other lab members are, too. Well, except Suzuha, who hasn’t been born yet.”

“Then I still fail to see how any of this excessive guilt tripping is helping anyone. Isn’t it the result that matters?” she asked.

“…”

Kurisu sighed. How was that not enough? Was there something she was still missing? Did she need more information? “Okabe, tell me more about my bond with Mayuri. Were we close?”

“…Yes. You were the best of friends, pretty much from the start. I’m not sure if you would have come back to us if she hadn’t been there, despite the phonewave. Daru… was Daru to you and I probably treated you even worse.”

 “And in the Beta worldline, based on what we knew back then, the future wasn’t a dystopia, as it was in the Alpha worldline?”

“…Yes. That turned out to be an oversight, but yes.”

“Then you shouldn’t feel guilty. It was the life of your childhood friend, who was presumably my best friend too, and the future of humanity itself against just me,” she reasoned. “Any decent person would have made that choice.”

It was the wrong thing to say.

“’Just you?’ ‘Any decent person?’” he asked quietly, then suddenly started shouting. “How can you even say that!? Do you know what it’s like, to have to see your sister die over and over, brutally murdered in any number of ways and that you can’t stop it!? To see your friends get what they always wanted from time travel, and then have to take it from them personally, one by one? To have them crying into your back as you do it, or worse, staring at you with empty eyes? And only after you do it, after you break all of them, to not have them be angry at you, since they don’t remember?”

“All of that guilt goes with you,” he continued. “It festers. It grows worse every time you’re forced to do it. That was horrible enough. But no, when you then reach the end, when you think there could be a happy ending to all of that, you’re faced with it. That choice. To still let your sister die, after you’ve taken everything from your friends to prevent just that, or you, someone who had supported me throughout all of this. The only reason I made it to the end. My… my partner, the woman most important to me. And not just to me, either – an entire WORLD WAR was waged over your research after you died. How could you, someone _that_ important and loveable, sacrifice yourself so easily!? It’s like you think your life doesn’t matter! And maybe I’m not a decent person for thinking so, BUT DON’T YOU DARE SAY IT’S ‘JUST YOU’!”

That was also the wrong thing to say.

That shout, it was the same noise as back then. The same voice – his voice. The same volume.

She could feel it coming, the déjà-vu starting to trigger.

With it came the panic. It easily drowned out the half-formed phantom answer, of having been lonely and that she couldn’t sacrifice her friend, or him.

_She could hear him screaming her father’s fake name as he ran in with the knife._

_The room warped into a closed off room of the Radi-Kan building. Her father came at her, armed with a screwdriver. In turn, Hououin Kyouma was coming for him from behind him, armed with the weapon he’d gotten by somehow disarming her father._

Her breathing became shallow. Her hands started shaking. She wanted to run, to do anything that could stop what happened next.

_“No! Not now!”_

* * *

 

 

_She moved._

_A sharp, all-encompassing pain._

_Her own blood on her hands. A burst of it flowed through her fingers with each weakening beat of her heart. It kept trying to pump even though there was a knife stuck in it. Every beat of it hurt like nothing she’d ever experienced before. And with every one of those, her own heart cut itself open more along the edge._

_And with that, more and more of her blood spayed onto his lab coat._

_There was too much of it._

_A lingering sensation of suffocating - not enough oxygenated blood to the brain. It secreted noradrenaline in a desperate attempt to correct this, which she knew quickened the heart rate and thus only worsened the damage, further lowering the blood flow, strengthening the same process._

_It was a vicious cycle that could only have one outcome._

_She was dying._

_Even if someone called an ambulance right now, it wouldn’t be enough._

_She collapsed into him, the one who’d murdered her._

_He screamed. There was so much pain in it that some remnant cognitive ability decided not to blame him – he’d tried to save her. But she’d thrown herself on his knife to save her father, who would have stabbed her anyway if this man hadn’t interfered._

_There was some very dark irony in that. Like it had been some inevitable fate, which had only ended up worse by his attempt to help her._

_The pain was dulling. His voice became muted. Thinking was difficult._

_She was afraid._

_The next day, she’d be in some coroner’s drawer, identified as body number X of murder investigation Y. Would this guy be caught by the police and go to prison for it? No, it had to be Nakabachi – she had to get Kyouma to leave before it was too late._

_She tried to tell him, but couldn’t remember how to speak…_

_The next week, she’d be buried somewhere, leaving behind only her thesis and a dated copy of her memories in the university’s databanks._

_Was that really all she’d ever achieve…? Had that been worth it?_

_The next year, everyone save her mother and maybe Maho would have forgotten her._

_Fragments of half-formed thoughts, regrets and fears went by._

_A flash of Maho in the lab, of her mother, of the university. A funeral with very few attendees. Of her father, smiling at the grave._

_She was losing the last bit of coherent control. That realization gave rise to a massive spike of fear, which brought one final moment of clarity._

_She asked the man holding her, Kyouma, to help her._

_And then… nothing._

_Not even a breath._

* * *

 

 

“Kurisu? What’s wrong?”

His voice was unsure, tentative.

She took a shuddering breath and looked down.

No blood.

She blinked, and the vision from the nightmare overlapped reality, fighting it for dominance.

Blood through her fingers. Then no blood. Blood. No blood.

No, she couldn’t let that get to her: she was breathing, therefore alive.

With those wounds, she couldn’t be alive, but she was. She wasn’t fainting. She was standing on her own strength. The rapid pace of her heart told her that was also functioning fine. Therefore, the blood had to be false.

Yes - hang on to logic.

No blood. Breathing. Alive. She repeated the mantra over and over to calm herself.

“Kurisu? I’m sorry – I shouldn’t have yelled like that. Are you okay?”

His voice - not important.

Important: He hadn’t stabbed her. And he wasn’t carrying a knife.

Wasn’t he? How could she know for sure?

She couldn't – but he’d never stab her.

Wouldn’t he?

He wouldn’t.

Why not? He’d already done it once, if that just now had been real.

If it had been real…yes. But then it was an accident.

Did that really matter?

Yes. Because –

And then she saw it. How it fit together.

The way he’d flinched when she’d told him about how she’d experienced dying in the nightmares. How there were two things he didn’t want to talk about. How he’d let her die twice. His feelings for her. How guilt was weighing him down.

But most importantly, the huge flaw in his assumptions.

Okay... she knew what she had to do. She could do this.

She could be in control. She _had_ to be, not just for herself. It was about fixing HIM now. She wasn’t going to let herself be indebted to anyone, and she wasn’t going to let nightmares and panic attacks get in the way of doing it!

Deep breaths. Slow breaths. Alive.  “I’m fine.”

She wasn’t – it took a lot of willpower to stop the trembling in the hands, to keep her voice steady. But it was enough for now.

“Okabe… how did I die, exactly?” She asked. “I want to know. What did you mean by ‘letting me die twice?’”

He couldn’t meet her eyes. The silence that followed told her enough.

“Letting me die is something other than killing me. But… is that really what happened?”

“…No.”

“You said two of the things that happened were too painful for you to talk about. Were those my deaths?”

“Pieced it together with barely any information, “ he answered, again staring ahead. “I really shouldn’t have expected anything less. Though I suppose this one wasn’t that hard.”

“Okabe, I need to know if your version matches mine. Please. Tell me what happened when you first tried to stop Nakabachi. This was the second attempt, wasn’t it?”

It had to be, since she’d died. If time travel was possible, then this worldline was the obvious redo. And if his story matched the vision, that was proof for what he said.

 “I… I stabbed you.” He almost choked on the words, another glimpse of that same overwhelming pain she’d noticed before. “It was an accident. I was aiming for him when he tried to attack you, but then you moved in front of him at the last second. I was too surprised to compensate the aim… I’m sorry.”

It matched. It was a breakthrough, the first objective proof. Either they’d conveniently had the exact same nightmare, or that event had happened. Her mind was spinning - the scientific implications and possibilities of time travel were endless! Her theory had been right!

She wondered if something was wrong with her for being excited over someone essentially just having conformed her death. Wait, what did that make her, someone who’d died but was still showing signs of life? Did that mean she was the first actual zombie? Why was that thought both annoying and amusing?

Anyway, that could wait for later.

“And you feel you’re to blame for this – why?”

He shrugged. “I held the knife. Only I knew what was going to happen; I knew what the attractor field would try and make me do. And if I hadn’t been so afraid, If I hadn’t been rushing in blindly, I could have easily accounted for unexpected events. So if not me, then who?”

Kurisu prided herself on being stoic in the face of absolute stupidity. She’d regularly seen the depths of human ignorance and depravity on the 4channel boards, and had done battle with many an idiot there without a second thought. She was such a hardened veteran that it took a _lot_ to rile her up.

But _that_ made her want to facepalm SO hard.

“Oh, I don’t know, ME, when I threw myself in front of you when you were only trying to help me? I’m sorry, but that version of me was objectively an idiot,” she scoffed.

“…”

“Okabe, like I’ve said before, I don’t blame you. And I’m alive.”

 She said it as kind and gently as she possibly could. She even put up a smile, which was highly unusual for her.

“Shouldn’t you?” Okabe asked, completely unaffected. “ _I_ got you involved with us. _I_   told Daru to hack SERN. _I_ was the one who let everyone send the mails, and _I_ was the one who carelessly invited Moeka, a SERN agent, into the lab. _I_ was the one who couldn’t give you an alternative at the end, even though I technically had an endless amount of time to come up with something. I left you with no choice but to sacrifice yourself. And then, when I’d finally reached this timeline, I thought I’d managed to save you – that you could be happy, at least, even if we’d never meet. But instead I find out that you’ve still been suffering because of me - even though we didn’t even know each other.”

“You must have figured it out by now, Kurisu,” he continued. “All these visions you’ve been suffering from are memories from other worldlines – which ultimately exist only because of me. So how can you forgive me for that? How can you not blame me?”

“Because, in the end, you fixed everything. We’re both here now, and you’re obviously conflicted over what you had to do for it. The point of you caring too much still stands,” she argued.

“Caring too much? I was willing to sacrifice everyone on the planet if it could save both you and Mayuri.”

_Wait, what?_

She blinked. “You were willing to sacrifice seven _billion_ people? Jus- Um, for us?”

He calmly nodded. “Almost six billion of them were going to die in the Alpha worldline, according to Suzuha. The rest would have to live in a world of misery. But if that meant you got to live, I didn’t care. That means I also didn’t care about what would happen to any of my friends, like Daru, Suzuha, Faris, Lukako, my own parents or even me, myself. I didn’t care about any of that when I had to choose. I can’t even tell if that’s changed since then, if I wouldn’t make the same choice if I had to. Do you still think I’m not antisocial?”

 _'_ “Yes,” Kurisu replied, gradually getting over that idea, “Because none of that changes anything in this argument.”

“Except that my ‘caring too much’ applied to just two persons and my ‘not caring at all’ applied to everyone else in the world,” he pointed out.

_Objection!_

Her face slid into a smirk; finally, something to nail him on! “Then if your priorities are THAT skewed, you should care more about what Mayuri and I tell you over everyone else in the world. And in my opinion, you are a good person,” she concluded.

Hah! Flawless logic that no amount of self-depreciation could penetrate!

Then she realized how that sounded. “U-Um, m-morally, of course. Don’t go reading too much into that!” she quickly added.

“…”

No reaction.

 _"Okay, I’m starting to lose my patience. It feels like he’s severely depressed… any ideas on how to get him out of it? What I say won’t matter if I can’t reach him,”_ she thought.

 _'Oh, oh, I can think of a few!’_ Limbic system replied enthusiastically.

Frontal Lobe sighed. _‘Which ones of those don’t include us losing our virginity?’_

_'Rude, miss Pervert! I was thinking more along the lines of romantic things, like, making him feel your pulse while you look at each other?’_

_'_ _Cliché, but I’ll admit it gains you some decency points. Some, mind you.’_

With neither of her anatomical advisors really helping, she decided to just drop the subtlety.

“Okay, Okabe. I get it. You’re really sorry. And I can see why you feel that way, but I hereby officially forgive you, AGAIN. Now can you please stop moping? This isn’t like you. It… it kind of hurts to see you like this.”

She wasn’t entirely sure what made her add the last part, but it felt true. Looking back on it, the man in front of her was indeed a very far cry from the Hououin Kyouma she’d known for like fifteen minutes.

“Hah, that’s probably true,” he admitted, and for the first time in what felt like forever, there was a hint of an actual smirk. Seeing that was immensely relieving; maybe he wasn’t that far gone yet. Maybe he was just being a stubborn idiot instead, and she’d just have to push harder.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “I guess part of me still feels like I deserve some kind of punishment. That would be easier to accept than your forgiveness.”

That sparked something. From the depths of her being rose a feeling of pure sadistic, vindictive glee. It was disproportionally powerful and totally inappropriate for the situation.

In other words, it was perfect!

“Oh, so you want to be punished? Well, we can do that, too,” she chirped, already crossing the distance to him.

“W- wait, Kurisu? What-“

*SMACK*

The impact of her fist on his cheek sent him sideways.

He tried to reflexively brace himself on the table only to find he was too close to the edge. His arm found empty air, and right after that, the ground found him. It definitely wasn’t the most tender or dignified of interactions between man, floor and gravity.

She didn’t particularly care. There was something _extremely_ satisfying to seeing him squirm beneath her.

…That could have been phrased better. She’d probably have blushed if she hadn’t been so busy settling the score. What score that was, she wasn’t entirely sure, but the drive was _definitely_ there.

 _‘Aaaah, that felt SO liberating!’_ Lymbic system crooned in what could only be described as absolute ecstasy. ‘ _It’s like I’ve wanted to do that FOREVER. Like the most annoying and aggravating itch ever just got scratched. Can we do this again? Please? PRETTY PLEASE!?’_

Frontal Lobe was curiously silent, as if she’d suddenly decided she wanted to be part of a different neural circuit and was out prospecting.

“What the hell, Kurisu!? Could you have hit me any harder!?” he asked, clutching the spot she’d just struck him on.

“Oh? Is that a request? Do you _like_ getting punched in the face?” she asked, smirking. “Masochist Okabe, confirmed!”

She took another couple of steps forward as he scrambled back.

“A-ah, definitely not! And could you have _slapped_ me instead, at least? This is definitely going to leave a nasty bruise…”

“Oh, I _definitely_ *could* have; I just didn’t want to.”

He gave her a flat stare from his now sitting position. “You’re so cruel.”

“…and you’re okay with that?” she asked, amused.

“No way; my jaw disagrees too much.”

“Pfff. Shake it off, you wuss. Haven’t you been through much worse?”

“I thought we established that having been through worse didn’t make a bad experience any less bad, assistant!”

“Well, at least you’re talking like yourself again. Maybe you really are a masochist? Do you have a history of being hit on by girls, the painful way, by any chance?”

“You’re enjoying this way too much,” he grumbled, trying to get back on his feet.

She didn’t let him. A simple push made him fall back, which worked only because of the timing and him being too surprised to offer any resistance.

“No, you don’t get to stand up yet,” she stated, daring him to disagree. ”I didn’t hit you for nothing, Okabe. This is a lesson and I’ll repeat this as often as needed to get it through your thick skull, so pay attention!”

He blinked, confused. “Er, a lesson?”

“Yes; a lesson about choice. I could have chosen not to punch you, to slap you instead. I could have done it less hard. I could have walked away, to leave you here to your pity party by yourself. But I didn’t. Do you know why?”

“Um… which answer will spare me from more abuse? Wait - is this a trick question? I’m having serious trouble discerning what I’m supposed to learn from this other than the feel of your knuckles, Christina!”

Normally that name would have pissed her off, but for now she was just happy to see him temporarily back to his usual self.

“Actually, the answer is simple: I didn’t because I chose not to,” she explained. “It were my choices. Mine. And that’s the problem with everything you’re saying: just because you might have had foresight, doesn’t mean that your choices are the only ones that matter. Knowing what might happen does not make you responsible for everything that DOES happen, nor does having the potential opportunity to stop something that might happen make you sorely responsible for it still happening. ESPECIALLY not if there is some kind of universal will in place working against you, being the attractor fields.”

“I’d like an example to clarify what you’re trying to say,” he answered. “Apologies, I’m somewhat tired and in a lot of physical pain at the moment.”

“Sure. So you were too slow to dodge my strike, even if you knew something was up. Does that make you completely responsible for being hit, even if I threw the punch?”

“No, but your example makes no sense – I didn’t have foreknowledge this time. If I did have, then I’d be more to blame.”

“I disagree, because then it becomes an issue of compensating for your actions on my end. Suppose I was an expert martial artist that was much more skilled than you at unarmed combat. Do you think any defense you’d have put up would have stopped me?”

“Maybe.”

“Okay. Now imagine there are hundreds of me, attacking you in every possible way from every possible direction at the same time, with the intent of scoring a single hit on you. Does that change your answer?”

“That’s a ridiculous situation. But okay, I’ll humor you, assistant. No, in that case there’s nothing I could do.”

“Yet that’s basically the way attractor fields work, and you still blame yourself,” she pointed out.  

He blinked. “Um… well… I see your point. Where are you heading with this?”  
  
“Tell me, Okabe. Do you believe in free will under the assumption that attractor fields exist?”  
  
“There has to be free will, otherwise there wouldn’t be divergence. But since an attractor field reduces divergence among critical points in time to zero, choice stops mattering near those,” he reasoned.

“And since we were near one of those points, you’re no more to blame than us, since that alone would mean the outcomes of all our choices were already set by an external force and none of us would have had any real control over the established outcome. That’s INCLUDING you, regardless of your foreknowledge of future events,” she replied.

“Even if  that’s true and I had no control over the outcome of my actions, I’m still objectively more responsible for starting all of this than-“

“You’re still pushing the selfish, egotistical angle,” she cut in and immediately continued, not given him a chance to respond. “I guess more practical examples are needed. Let’s see. I could have chosen not to stay with the lab, or not built the time leap machine. Any one of us could have chosen to stop you from conducting the time travel experiments at all. My alternate self could have chosen not to jump in front of someone who’d tried to kill her just seconds ago. Any one of us could have chosen to also start time travelling.”

Their glares met. She held it without the slightest hesitation, demanding him to submit. It was only inevitable that he looked away first. “Even if you expect yourself to be above a universal will, which is extremely unreasonable, and even if you reason that fate gave you a bad lot but that you’re still responsible for what it made you do, you’re still in the wrong. Because if you say you’re the only one responsible for this mess, or even that your choices matter significantly more than ours, you’re basically implying that you can’t trust us to make our own decisions or that you have to fix whatever we do or did. That’s straight up insulting; do you really think so little of us? Of me?”

He didn’t reply – he couldn’t, since he couldn’t both defend that and claim he loved her at the same time. It was cruel to use that against him perhaps, but it was for a good cause.   

“Now… are you going to stop acting like an idiot or do I need to punch you again?” she asked.

“I-“

“No. Just, no. Shut up and take my logic,” she insisted. “No matter how you’re going to try and approach this, you simply aren’t a bad human being. You’re no more responsible than I am. And I choose to let the matter rest. Now… please choose to forgive yourself, too. And… If you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me.”

She extended her hand. It was cliché, and it was embarrassing, but it felt like it was the right thing to do.

Okabe, in turn, was silent for a while.

Then, suddenly, he let out a chuckle - a genuine one. And with that, she knew she’d definitely won.

It was impossible to stop the rising feeling of elation.

“I suppose I should have seen this coming,” he said. “I always did tend to lose these arguments with you.” 

He linked his hand with hers.

“And don’t count on that ever changing!” she boasted, helping him up.

“Heh, we’ll have to see about that!” he countered. “I don’t plan on just giving you those wins, Kurisu. And just so you know, you’re wrong. There is no absolute fate, this I know for sure.”

 “Oh? And what makes you say that?” she asked, intrigued.

 “Because we managed to deceive it - you’re alive. So we can have these discussions whenever we want. And you’d better prepare yourself for a lot of rematches!”

 “Haha. Well, any time you need some sense slapped into you, I’ll be ready, you idiot. It’s a promise.”

 They stood there for a while, smiling yet unsure what to do now.

 The silence started to stretch.

 She started to fidget.

 He looked away.

  _Screw it._

 She hugged him.

 It became mutual.

 “Ah, and what’s this for?” he asked, amused. “I should do that more often.”

 “That’s for saving me,” she admitted, snuggling into him.

 “I take that back. Getting stabbed wasn’t exactly fun.”

 Visions of that horrible day forcefully cut their way through all the mushy thoughts and brazen ideas of what could have potentially followed this.

 “Way to ruin the mood, you idiot,” she sighed, disentangling herself from his grip.

 “I guess that makes us even?”

 Point taken.

 “If you’re going to bring that up now, you might as well keep going. Tell me everything about the day of the press conference. Everything, no more delays or distractions.”

 He nodded and began explaining…

 

* * *

  

By the time he’d finished, she was in a considerably worse mood.

 “Okay, let me get this straight,” Kurisu stated. “Are you seriously saying you gambled both my life and the fate of humanity itself on the workings of a _toy gadget that you didn’t even test beforehand!?_ And that’s in addition to just assuming I wouldn’t move from being unconscious, which I wasn’t, since you _forgot to do any proper research on the stun gun!?_ ”

 The tone of her voice made it VERY clear that the explanation for this had better be REALLY good.

 “Um, it was a rush job?” Okabe tried, awkwardly scratching his head.

 Somewhere deep inside her psyche, part of her sanity suffered a fatal wound and suffered an agonizing and very slow death.

 “A rush job? THAT is your reasoning!? How could something THIS important warrant a RUSH JOB, Okabe!?”

 He nervously took a step back and shielded his face. “W-Well, we couldn’t leave the time machine on the roof too long so I just went with what came to me first? And it worked!” he quickly pointed out.

 “Only because you critically injured yourself, which isn’t something you should have needed to do! Oh gods of science, am I really alive only because of this idiot and sheer luck?” she whined, facepalming.

 “Hey now, if you’re going to criticize my methods, then it’s only fair to share _your_ solution, miss genius,” he countered.

 But of course! It only took-

 Well…

 Hmmm. Maybe this was slightly more complicated than it had seemed.

 How to perfectly recreate that scene in a way that fooled everyone who saw it at a first glance? Visually creating the illusion of blood wasn’t a problem. It could go from red dyes mixed with water, maybe adding some clay component that could fake the coagulation effect of the blood? But the real problem was the scent; how to get a strong smell of fresh blood in the room without anyone being injured?

 Maybe she could have thought of something if she’d had more time. But she VERY grudgingly had to admit that there was something to be said about how long they could realistically keep a time machine hidden when it was immobile on the top of an occupied office building. And faking a crime scene wasn’t anywhere near her field of expertise.

 Plus, he had been operating under the same limitations and had probably been a lot more stressed out then than she was now.

 However…

 “Didn’t your future self, who worked on this opportunity for fifteen _years_ , give you any more clear instructions on what to do?” she pointed out, side-stepping the issue.

 “Actually… no. He gave me the time machine and some motivation and that was pretty much it. Now that you mention it, that does seem a bit strange.”

 “Just a bit!?” she asked, exasperated. “’Hey, I’ve worked fifteen years for you to get you this one chance to save the world. Now here is your equipment, have fun figuring things out on your own?’”

 “…Maybe I knew myself well enough to know I’d be good at improvising? Or maybe I knew there was no way to do it other than stabbing myself – maybe I didn’t say that because I didn’t want to risk that I’d be too afraid to do it,” he pondered, pacing back and forth.

 “So in other words, your future self was counting on your inability to think ahead and plan things out to make this work,” she concluded. “That’s deep, I guess. Insane, but it fits you.”

 “Did you really have to put in like that?” he asked, annoyed. “And I am a mad scientist, so of course every plan I come up with is crazy!” he boasted.

 She shook her head. This guy…

 “Anyway, I’d like to see that video message on your phone, the one from the future,” she said.

 “Sorry, I deleted it,” he replied. “At that point, I’d succeeded and the message itself was worthless. I didn’t want to risk anyone getting their hands on it and having any evidence for the possibility of time travel. It was the only way to guard this worldline.”

“So you’re basically admitting that you have no physical proof of what you’d just said,” she stated.

“Not physical, no. But… do you really _need_ more proof, Kurisu? You keep saying stuff like ‘if what you’re saying is true,’ but don’t you already believe me?”

His eyes were pleading. It didn’t need to be said that this was obviously important to him.

When it came down to it, if she took the time to consider everything objectively, could she really accept all this insanity as the truth?

In the end, it came down to either trust or not trust him. 

So she took a decision. 

“Honestly? The less insane explanation for all of this would be that you’re a creepy stalker who did a lot of research on scientific fringe theories in some messed up attempt to impress me, then got lucky enough to be on the scene when my dad attacked and is now spinning some crazy tale around that,” she said, gazing over the evening street outside the window.

“W-wait, I have more proof!” he immediately blurted out.

_He was so easy._

It was endearing in a way.

“Okay, let’s hear it. Convince me everything you said is real.”

“I knew what your favorite food and drink was.”

“You’re only part right,” she replied. “The food is correct. I sort of like Doctor Pepper but it’s not really a favorite.”

“Really? Huh. I guess you must have grown to appreciate it more during your stay with us.”

“Maybe,” she admitted, possibly like a certain someone right in front of her. “Regardless, the food’s something any stalker could know from just casual observation. You’ll have to try harder.”

“Sure. We both knew what happened when… well… when Nakabachi attacked you the first time. My version of your death obviously matched your memory.”

“You’re forgetting that I told you I’d had visions of being stabbed by either of you, and dying. Your version could have been a lucky guess based on that information,” she countered.

“That sounds unreasonable, but okay,” he replied. “I’m just getting started. Your username on 4channel is Kurigohan and Kamehameha.”

“Correction, a stalker who is also a hacker.”

“Fine! You gave me a passcode. You said what you wanted most was ‘your fork’ and that you already had ‘your spoon’.”

_W-wait, what? Had she really…? ._

“…who is also a psychic…?” she tried, trailing off.

His flat stare bored into her. “Really? _This,_ coming from a scientific prodigy like yourself?”

“Sigh. Ok. Yes, that _was_ what I wanted most once, and there’s pretty much no way you could possibly know that unless I told you, which I never did.”

_But could my alternate self have perhaps picked a less embarrassing secret to share!?_

 “Wait, what do you mean ’once?’” he asked, unusually pensive. “You mean it’s changed? You always accepted it up until now! At some point you even stopped asking for it.”

“Considering what happened recently, it’s obviously not that anymore.”

“’Obviously?’ I wouldn’t know. You never explained to me what it meant. Whenever I tried asking you, you got all flustered and said it was too private,” he explained, walking to her side by the window.

Kurisu sighed. “So you really have no idea?”

He shot her a nervous glance before answering. That alone should have told her something was up - that what was coming was something she didn’t want to hear.

But morbid curiosity kept her listening.

“Well… I… er… did Gobble it once,” he hesitantly answered. “The only thing I could find on it, other than the actual physical fork, was in an urban dictionary. It said it was a… um… bedroom position. I thought Mayuri was the spoon and that you wanted me to be the fork, so the three of us could… well…”

Her brain fed her all the wrong visual details.

Or, well, tried to.

 _‘How does that even work, spatially speaking?’_ Frontal Lobe wondered, trying to form that construction of bodies for visual evaluation. _‘Is this the from-behind version of forking or the sideways one, as in, ‘spooning leads to forking?’ And where does that leave Mayuri? Who’s in the middle? And is any of that really practical? I mean, it seems like the ones on the outer ends couldn’t reach each other that well? Would that still be enjoyable, then?’_

 _‘DOES ANY OF THAT EVEN MATTER!?’_ Limbic System shrieked. _‘FOCUS, WOMAN! WHY AREN’T YOU PANICKING!?’_

_‘Because I’m curious about the finer workings of-“_

_“NO. JUST, NO. And for the record, let it be known that you will forever be the pervert between the two of us!”_

_‘…?’_

It took Kurisu a full ten seconds to recover from the shock. “I. WHAT. S-SHUT UP, YOU PERVERT! Why would you even bring this up!?“

“Because you seemed disappointed and-!”

“That was a sigh of relief, not disappointment, Okabe!”

“How should I know!? And IT WAS SHOCKING TO ME TOO. Oh god! My brain will never be innocent again! Why couldn’t you just explain it? Did you know how awkward it was to keep telling you that passcode and how often I’d had to do it after knowing what it could mean!?”

“Did you really think an innocent girl like me would suggest something _that_ perverted as a passcode!?”

“’Innocent?’ Well, it would have been less a credible theory if you hadn’t taken a shower with Mayuri less than a day before that, Christina, you perverted genius girl! And that was with me set to return to the lab at any minute, no less!”

The response came automatic. “It- It wasn’t like I wanted to! I tried to refuse but she kept looking at me with those big disappointed eyes and I felt like I was lobotomizing a puppy and - Wait. What am I saying?“

Okabe just smiled at her; the heat of the argument was suddenly completely gone, as if he’d been waiting for it to happen. “I missed this.”

“These words I just used…” she said, blinking away the déjà-vu. “Are they-?”

“Reading Steiner,” he confirmed. “That’s still my strongest piece of evidence. I slowly began realizing that everyone has the memories from the other worldlines to some degree, though in varying strengths and they usually need some kind of push to be aware. And with that just now, I’ve proven that both our shared memory of the first Nakabachi attack isn’t a fluke, and made it highly likely that your visions are indeed related to this, as I said earlier.”

_Okay, maybe he wasn’t that easy._

 “A push…? Wait. Were you just intentionally egging me on _this whole time_?” she asked, glaring daggers at him.

 “Kind of,” he shrugged. “In my defense, it could have been worse. I could have called you an ‘insatiable perverted experiment-loving zombie celeb-17 assistant girl’ instead. But that seemed a bit overkill.”

Anger. Rage. Brains that had be destroyed. Definitely his, preferably in very creative fashions.

 “Okabe, I’m going to temporarily suppress the urge to murder you and ask why you steered us to this particular memory,” she said through gritted teeth. 

“B-Because you once told me that highly emotional memories offered to the hippocampus were very hard to forget, m-meaning it would have a high chance of working,” he stammered, edging away from her.

“And this one was highly emotional for me, _because_?”

“Er, no reason?” he tried, blushing and looking away.

She tried to picture it.

What came was an overwhelming feeling of anger, embarrassment and disappointment.

_No. No way. Right? Surely not._

“Did. You. See. Us?” Every word, she poked him, forcing him further back until his back was to the wall. “Look at me in the eyes and tell me you didn’t see us!”

“I… well... I… um… didn’t see you?”

Urge to kill, rising!

“W-wait! I’d just gotten a text of a severed head from SERN so I was just really worried and ran back to check if you were fine!” he quickly added.

She carefully searched his face for the _slightest_ trace of a lie.

…No, she didn’t do it longer than strictly necessary, totally didn’t get distracted by his stubbles or that there was something cute about the way he blushed.

Which, in turn, only made her more annoyed.

 “Okabe, I’m not going to lie. Part of me wants to scrape out your cerebellum with a rusty spoon, spin it into a cord and then strangle your comatose body with it! But ONLY because I think what you just said MIGHT be true, I won’t.”

“A-Ah, now that’s the Kurisu I know and love! Welcome back.”

That stupid smile. It made her warm and weak, unable to pin him down with just the withering gaze. And that bruise did look kind of nasty. Maybe she _had_ gone a little overboard…

“I just – you – gah! Did you really have to resort to such underhanded, base methods to make your point?”

She told herself she totally wasn’t pouting.

“’Underhanded methods?’ You were the one who asked for proof AND tried to casually toss aside my most valuable piece of it. This one is on you, assistant. And why are you so hung up over that, anyway? All is fair in love and war, they say.”

Okay, he really wasn’t that easy. At least, when he wasn’t being an idiot. She could settle for that.

“Fine, fine. But you know, I’d have believed you anyway,” she said, taking back the initiative. “All you had to do was point to the crime scene. There was plenty of proof right there. Plenty of journalists saw the arrival of that strange machine. Afterwards, no one knew where it went or what that had been. And your blood trail let back up to that location, where it vanished along with that thing. Your escape from that building’s roof in your heavily wounded state, in broad daylight and without anyone from the adjacent crowded street noticing, should have been impossible. And when you eliminate the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, has to be the truth.”

“That’s… actually a really good point. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Probably because you were too busy being outclassed by your own assistant,” she said, smirking.

“Progress! That’s the first time you’ve ever spontaneously admitted it!” he cried.

“Jeez, look at this idiot,” she said, shaking her head. She wasn’t sure if she was annoyed, amused or both. Maybe that was just part of his charm.

“Hey, do you have any more questions, Kurisu? If you don’t, there’s something important I need to ask you,” he asked, suddenly completely serious.

She reflexively tensed and asked the first thing on her mind. “U-Um, well, do you have an explanation for why your ability to be aware of other timelines is so much better than that of others?”

“Sadly, I'm not sure,” he admitted. “You could make an argument that me being the only one using the time leap machine was what would make me more aware, but that doesn’t make sense. I had perfect recall from the start, from the very first D-mail that was sent. The only thing that would make sense is that it’s a genetic trait, and that I inherited good ‘observer genes’ from my parents by chance. This seems to be reinforced by that there are clear differences in strength between individuals. Daru has never shown any awareness, and I think Suzuha didn’t either, who is his future daughter. That suggests their family didn’t have the required genetic makeup. Mine was perfect, and the other lab mems, including you, were somewhere in the middle. Of course, it might be that others were hiding their actual aptitude at it and that I simply didn’t pick up on it. That’s my best guess.”

“Huh. I wonder what Darwin would say about how the potential existence of such ‘alternate timeline awareness’ genes fits into the survival aspect of the theory of evolution?” she wondered.

That made him smile. “Good question. It’s a very ‘you’ thing to say.”

“W-well, I can’t help but wonder. Being a scientist, that sort of thing makes me curious. It’s not that special.”

“Yes it is.”

There was a certain smoldering intensity to that statement and look that made her both embarrassed and happy at the same time. She broke eye contact because she totally wasn’t blushing - no way, and not her.

He then took a deep breath. A step closer. Not that he needed to - he towered over her anyway. Plus there wasn’t that much space between them left regardless, which was kind of her own fault for semi-pinning him to the wall with her finger jabs.

It really wasn’t that hard to figure out what was going to happen next.

He took a deep breath.

She swallowed nervously, but held her ground, suppressing the urge to fidget. 

Okay, so what was it again? If he leaned in then she’d pull him in further to compensate for the height difference and then she'd just have to aim carefully so- 

 “Right… Kurisu, if you really don’t blame me for what happened, then can you return my feelings? I don’t want to assume things without hearing your answer.”

Oh. Well, that could happen too.

It _was_ the million dollar question, wasn’t it?

Could she?

By now, it was pretty clear to her that she was attracted to him. It should have been easy to just say yes.

But there was one glaring problem…

“I… well… I want to. I really do,” she started, “but it’s complicated. I think these feelings I have for you are real, but I’m not entirely sure what they’re based on. I only have snippets of memories, so I’m not entirely sure how I, or my other self, came to feel this way. That’s… a bit unsettling. It’s hard for me to accept that I love someone without completely understanding WHY I love that person. So… It would be easier for me to say ‘yes’ if I actually remembered everything.”

His face fell. “Ah. Well, I understand. I guess it was too much to realistically hope for.”

She immediately shook her head. “No! Don’t misunderstand, you idiot. I just thought that… well… maybe we could put this on hold until I got the memories back? There has to be something that would help. This ‘push’ you talked about. What do you think would work best? There have to be other important memories we could use.”

His obvious relief changed into a strange blush, after which he suddenly whirled away from her. He mumbled something that sounded suspicously like ‘not that one, not yet.'

“…Okabe?”

 “Sorry, I was temporarily distracted,” he said, a bit too quickly. “Um, sure, good idea. I suppose most of the memories related to this took place in or near the Future Gadget Lab. So that would be the obvious next stop.”

She nodded; it did seem like the best option.

“I’ll just call Mayuri and tell her we have a special visitor," he said, taking out his phone. "She’ll be-“

He suddenly stopped.

“What? Is something wrong?” Kurisu asked nervously.

“The time - it’s well after eight. That’s more than two full hours after this café closes,” he explained, after which he ran into the hallway.

It was forebodingly dark and quiet out there.

He came back carrying a grim expression.

“…We’re locked inside, aren’t we?”

She suddenly remembered the visitor that had briefly opened the door to the office they were in some time ago. Had that been the cat girl, coming to warn them they were closing? But she wouldn't just leave them there for the night, would she?

Actually, scratch that. The rice omelet had read 'Nice catch, Kyouma-san' and the girl was probably crazy, so she totally would.

His gaze fell to the windows. 

She instantly caught the meaning: they'd just have to climb for it, and hope that they'd succeed without getting in trouble for doing so, such as by triggering some kind of alarm.

"Great... I guess I'll go first, then," Kusiru said, reluctantly making her way over there.

  

* * *

 

 **Progress to next chapters:**  

Part one:

Chapter 5: See chapter 4.

Chapter 6: Dialogue and script.

 

Part two:

Chapter 7-12: Script, some dialogue. 

  

* * *

 

**Author’s notes:**

Very long chapter, I know. I kept thinking of stuff to add in and I wanted to include everything I liked, which probably ended up being too much. Oh well, more food for the readers? I hope it’s to everyone’s enjoyment.

I'm considering adding a 'Tips' section near the bottom of the chapters to give more information on the more technical terms, like the actual visual novels. Would people be interested in those? If so, I'll try adding them somewhere in between now and chapter 3.  

It seemed like this story didn’t get that many views or attention in general so far – I wonder if it’s the story summary? Maybe I should change it to something else, does anyone have any ideas?

Yeah, about the spoon and fork thing, Okabe’s reaction to it here was my own reaction when I read that the first time in the visual novel, lol. I was like ‘wow, that’s some kinky proposition there, Kurisu,’. I guess I’m corrupted too much to interpret something like that literally. Does that officially make me a pervert? :)

There are a lot of other things I could have talked about here but I’ll leave it at this for now considering the length. If anything is unclear then I’m always open to questions, I’ll try to respond to every review or PM.

  


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter introduction:**

Hey everyone, and thanks for the Kudo's on the last chapter! Special thanks go to Croeses and Thedarkestlink for the comments and constructive criticism. I Hope you'll all enjoy this one, too. Detailed author's notes are at the bottom, again.

Just as a heads up, I think I'm going to remove these introductionary sections sometime in the future and move them to the bottom, so that it's easier to stick to the action when switching chapters. 

Disclaimer: I don't own Steins Gate. Obviously.

 

* * *

 

 

The streets of Akihabara were fairly quiet.

It was well past the evening rush, and also past the time where most workers did their evening shopping on the way back from work. Some pedestrians crossed the street either on their end or the other, each of them well-lit under Tokyo’s excellent nighttime lighting. The restaurants that had tables outside their buildings still saw them occupied by a colorful mix of Japanese natives and tourists. Traffic passed at a lazy pace, most of it holding to the rules with typical Japanese discipline.

At a first glance, everything seemed normal, even peaceful.

Yet Okabe Rintaro tried his very best not to let his guard down for even a second.

He knew he had to, when _she_ was there with him, out in the open.

But at the same time, her very presence also made it hard for him to do that.

His personal feelings were getting in the way of his ability to concentrate, perhaps even dangerously so, and there would be no immediately available do-overs if things went bad anymore.

He still couldn’t help it. The fact that she was here now, alive, and didn’t blame him for what had happened was in itself enough of a miracle. It was something he’d have signed for on any day of the week, more than he’d had any right to hope for.

But that she was also seriously considering returning his feelings for her...

That was something beyond a miracle. It was the single best present that the Steins Gate worldline could have possibly given him for getting out of the hospital.

When was the last time he’d felt so happy? He honestly couldn’t remember. He felt a certain spring to his step that hadn’t been there in forever and had to constantly suppress the urge to grin the most goofy grin imaginable. It felt so, so good that things were finally, for once, going his way.

He was in such a good mood that he’d almost smiled directly at the SERN assassin selling newspapers across the street. The man was a Rounder, one who worked at a kiosk as a cover. He wasn’t one of the five who had attacked the lab with Moeka, but one he had still met often during his attempts to save Mayuri. By all accounts, the man looked like your average Japanese adult male, nothing really remarkable about him. Okabe supposed that only made him more dangerous, since there was then even less chance of early detection. The guy was probably armed even now. If he wanted to attack them from there, then there wasn’t much Okabe could do about it except shielding Kurisu, pray the Rounder would miss and then run for it, if he still could.  

But the man didn’t give them any special attention, nor did Okabe give him any reason to.

He sometimes couldn’t help but wonder if the Rounders didn’t also retain part of their memories, and if they’d remember something upon seeing him. But they were also professionals, he reasoned, who’d probably only act on direct orders. And he wanted to believe that SERN wouldn’t risk public kidnapping or assassination for nothing but a ‘strange feeling of deja-vu’ one of their operatives might have.

Of course, he could be wrong, and that it only took one of them to voice his or her doubts to have SERN investigate, on the off chance of it being related to time travel. He had countermeasures for that possibility. If they did decide to look into it, they’d find an amateur lab making fairly useless toy gadgets, ran by a couple of teenagers, who were in turn led by a chuunibyou idiot, portrayed by him.

That was also part of the reason he’d invited Moeka as a permanent lab member, despite her likely being a Rounder; it would give SERN an easy, quick and risk-free method (for all those involved) to determine that there was nothing of value for them to be gained for attacking them. That was, of course, assuming Moeka _had_ joined the Rounders in this worldline, which he wasn’t sure of. If that wasn’t the case then there was no harm in doing so, but if she _were_ still a Rounder, then he’d use that as a tool of misdirection. He supposed there was something to be said about keeping your enemies close.

And if those countermeasures also weren’t enough… well, for that possibility, he _always_ kept up his guard.

He’d once entertained the thought that the malevolent part of SERN might not exist at all in this timeline, and that they were actually just a research institute here. But there was no way he could be sure of that without the risk of drawing suspicion to him. Plus, it seemed much too optimistic to just assume a shadow-organization powerful enough to take over the world in one of the worldlines would simply disappear entirely, especially when the divergence of this worldline compared to that one was roughly only half a percent, even though that was a fairly significant number when the entire state of the world was concerned.

It was better to be safe than sorry.

Yet, for now, he allowed himself a very small reprieve to indulge in the smug feeling of victory for having won an incredibly long and elaborate cat-and-mouse game with an internationally funded research institute. One that had its own private army, no less.

And the prize for it all was…

He glanced to his side, just to make sure, AGAIN, that this was really happening.

Kurisu was still there.

Alive.

Striding forward confidently, radiating determination.

Long, chestnut hair.

Beautiful blue eyes, shining with intelligence.

Her hands, seemingly small and tender yet capable of delivering a very rough punch that still hurt like hell.

...Okay, that one he could probably do without. But it still fit her fiery temper, which was definitely enticing.

A somewhat petite, slender figure that he’d once described as scrawny in one of their many arguments in the Alpha worldline. But he knew better now... MUCH better.

Part of his thoughts involuntary dwindled to the memory he’d used to try and trigger her Reading Steiner in their discussion fifteen or so minutes ago, of the time when he’d ran into the shower in a blind panic, fearing SERN had got to Mayuri and her while he’d been absent. It had seemed a good idea then, an improvisation to go with the flow of the conversation.

Unfortunately, the image was now stuck in his head.

That day, he’d seen more than he’d ever earned. He knew that. But he still couldn’t help but recall all the details.

Kurisu was _incredibly_ beautiful, and even that was probably understating it. If she hadn’t been a researcher, he figured that she could have easily made a career out of modelling.

Yet she never really dressed it up, always wore that modest, student-inspired outfit that covered everything. He liked it better that way – it made her beauty more natural and real, a more modest one presented perfectly by a sense of style he couldn’t hope to match. It befitted her as both an intellectual and a fashionable teenager. She was infinitely more attractive than Daru’s legion of 2D waifu’s, who all seemed to avoid clothes like they were infested with termites.

His rogue thoughts lingered on the image of Kurisu without any outfit, though, more than content with just her birthday suit.

He tried not to give in, to not notice what it did to his body, if only out of decency.

Kurisu’s worth was defined as an incredibly talented scientist and a caring, loveable person, and not as a lust object, obviously. She’d never have these kind of base thoughts herself. Any attraction for him was probably based on his intellectual prowess; it had to be, since compared to her, he wasn’t even remotely in the same tier of attractiveness to the other sex. She was a goddess, while he was just a skinny, pale-ish guy in a lab coat. The least he could do was to offer her the same courtesy and be on the same wavelength.

Although… couldn’t he do both? Kurisu was extremely smart, yes, and he admired her for it. However, it just so happened that she was highly physically attractive as well. So, would it be more of an insult to acknowledge the latter, or to not acknowledge it? What was the more appropriate and gentlemanly to do? Should he discuss this issue with her, or not? Was it weird to talk about… er… the potential physical aspects of their potential relationship so soon?

…Was he seriously questioning that? Now was _definitely_ too soon. He was getting _waaaay_ ahead of himself. He knew that, but he still couldn’t help but be excited about even the potential prospect of the two of them being an item, of what they could do together, without things like impending death and the potential doom of mankind looming over it.

He would just have to keep reminding himself that the her from this worldline had only known him for a few hours, while he had technically spent months with her, if not a full year – he honestly didn’t know. Thus, he knew much more of her than she did of him, and he was probably much more comfortable with her presence than the other way around. And if her memories didn’t come back, that wouldn’t change any time soon. He’d have to find a way to deal with that chronological imbalance that hung between them, which was probably a problem unique to their relationship.

…Unfortunately, that also meant he was really on his own. There was no one he could turn to for advice.

A more insane part of him, probably the part Kyouma had sprouted from, was tempted to post this issue on the 4channel boards, just for laughs. His alter ego’s status as a Troll poster would be secured forever. Of course, there were many reasons why he couldn’t, the most prevalent ones being ‘but SERN’ and that Kurisu would definitely find out and kill him, or worse, break up with him.

Not that they were an item yet, he reminded himself AGAIN, since a tentative ‘yes’ wasn’t a definitive one, and there were many, many ways in which he could still screw up. Perversion probably ranked very high among those.

Okay, so this more… er… ‘primal’ line of thought could never see the light of day. Or, in a more hopeful case, not yet.

…Hold on, but wouldn’t hiding it be like admitting he was ashamed for being attracted to her physical form, as if there was something wrong with that?

Some part of him could already imagine her indignation at that insinuation, and the abuse that was sure to follow. If he even got that far, that was, since it was even more likely that she’d blush madly and just verbally or physically attack him before he could elaborate any further. Seeing that would just as cute as it always was, but definitely not worth risking the relationship on. So silence it was.

All things considered, the safest way forward was probably to take things really slowly, and to try not to get his hopes up too much, just in case it still didn’t turn out as he hoped.

…Right?

…He was overanalyzing, wasn’t he?

Sigh. Romance was complicated.

He should have just left it at that, to go back to observing the environment with his full, undivided attention.

But the rebellious part of him couldn’t help but wonder if some of his assumptions were really correct.

Kurisu HAD kissed him in the past, after all, plus, he was actually fairly sure they’d almost kissed AGAIN, if not for that strange thing where she’d suddenly pushed him back. Hm… actually… what could have caused her to suddenly change her mind like that? Was it about his personal hygiene? Probably not… right? He was fairly sure he’d brushed his teeth that morning, that he was wearing fresh clothes and that he’d shaved no worse than usual…

Anyway, the fact that they’d probably almost kissed was in itself a significant finding, since in this timeline, they’d had very limited contact, in addition to her apparently only having a fraction of her memories. That made it seem more likely that a physical attraction of her to him did play some part in her decision… right?

Plus, whether or not she’d been guilt-tripped into it by Mayuri, she’d ultimately taken that shower even if the risk of detection by him was high, so who was to say she hadn’t planned to be walked in on, and that Mayuri was just a convenient excuse? Had she wanted him to see her?

He knew that last bit of reasoning was more wishful thinking on his part than anything else, but his treacherous thoughts pushed ever forward regardless, filtering out the steam that had been in the room. And then they went _even further_ , simulating the feeling of her body touching his… followed by the faint scent of citrus and sensation of their lips touching one another’s.

He gulped.

His more base anatomy couldn’t help but respond vigorously, and he let out a shuddering breath.

He could feel Kurisu’s curious gaze upon him from the side, making him feel like he’d been caught red-handed doing something extremely embarrassing, such as, you know, mentally undressing his potential girlfriend and then making out with her, when the real her was right next to him. It was definitely not his proudest moment.

Okay, enough was enough! Time for _drastic_ countermeasures!

He forcefully took hold of his thoughts and replaced the naked forms of Mayuri and Kurisu with those of Daru and Mister Braun.

Yuck!

He was _instantly_ back in the here and now, trying his very best not to puke.

Okay, that might have been a little too much – it was hard to get over his revulsion. Hopefully his hippocampus would be merciful and was not horrified enough to store _that_ particular monstrosity into his long-term memory.

_‘Hah, I’m even starting to think like her…’_

As he thought it, a warm breeze paradoxically cooled him down, since his shirt hadn’t entirely dried yet and the remnant of Kurisu’s tears was pressed against his skin as it passed.

_Her tears._

He stiffened, slowing his pace, and looked down.

She had obviously suffered a lot, even in this timeline. In the end, he still believed it was because of him. But she’d forgiven him, and he’d lost the argument. So he just acknowledged it, nodded and moved on. He’d just have to find ways to make her happy, so happy that these darker days would eventually be nothing but a trace of moisture on his otherwise completely dry and purely white shirt. It  was the promise he’d made to himself in return for accepting her forgiveness.

Huh, there was a certain degree of poetry in that. Those skills would surely serve him well if he ever had to write her an actual poem.

…Hm. Was Kurisu the kind of girl who’d like something like that, along with like a box of chocolates, or something? And was that expected of him, a guy in modern times, or was that just a chivalrous remnant of the past? And if it WAS expected, then how fast and how often should he do stuff like that? Maybe he should rebuy that dating manual they’d once gone through to prepare him for the, admittedly disastrous, date with Lukako back in the Alpha wordline. That obviously hadn’t worked out, but that hadn’t really been the book’s fault, and at least he’d have more of an idea of what the baseline expectations of him were?

Okay, suppose the manual _did_ say he’d have to write her a poem, then what _would_ be a good one for Kurisu? Let’s see…

Roses are red, violins are-

No.

That was way too plain, way too unoriginal – even _he_ knew that. Instead, it would have to be something that suited their unique circumstances and captured their essence as a couple.

So… something like…

 

_‘Dear Assistant,_

_Though you used to be dead,_

_And my cheek is now blue,_

_It doesn’t have to be said,_

_That I still love you._

_-Hououin Kyouma’_

 

…Maybe he should settle for just the chocolates, at least until he got to practice more.

Okay, enough distractions: it was time to focus.

He had an important task to complete, and that task was getting them safely to the lab. Everything else could wait for later.

He went over his mental map of the area. It showed the current street they were on, Kuramae-hashi Dori, and the two major adjacent ones, Fukuicho street to the south and Kuramaesho-gakko to the north. Between them were a multitude of smaller, unnamed alleys and numerous small passageways between them, some of which weren’t even on the official maps. Those all combined to form a large number of small yet legitimately confusing urban mazes. And that was discounting the odd walkways and subterranean crossings that allowed a skilled user to jump between those in very unpredictable patterns.

He knew them all. He’d used them all. He knew exactly how to shake of pursuers, since he’d been forced to learn it. The only reason he’d been able to avoid professional hitmen throughout all the timelines was because he knew the area better than them. Much, _much_ better.

Well, that, and maybe the workings of the attractor field had also worked in his favor here, guaranteeing his personal survival in the Alpha worldline. But if he’d been captured there, surviving by itself would have been meaningless, since he’d have been cut off from the ability to redo things. There had been no reason to get lazy and risk that, so he’d prepared. And with an amount of time limited only by his own sanity, he’d had gotten REALLY proficient at it. After all, he had _always_ made it back to the time leap machine, every single time they’d attacked.

In the end, if it came down to it, no matter where they’d come from, no matter when they’d come for them, he’d be ready.   

As they walked, he constantly updated the best route of escape with each street they passed.

His hand tightly gripped his phone, an additional insurance policy. He had flawless muscle memory for opening the address menu, and knew in which position from the top every name was. Thus, If needed he could he could swiftly call anyone, any important service, while running without looking or slowing slow.

Hopefully he wouldn’t need any of that.

Theoretically, if they just kept going west, they should be fine. A long ways in that direction lay the Lab, just off of the main road. This was the major road of the district, and along their direct path were both a police station, the Ginza metro station – one of the many in the area, a bank and an endless amount of restaurants. The first three of those were very well-guarded while the latter of those would probably cause a mass exodus of panicked civilians at the first sounds of gunfire. Both would present a major pain for someone trying to orchestrate a public assault on them. Of course, that didn’t mean it was impossible, since SERN _had_ managed to do it in the past, or rather, in the alternative-universe’s past.

_‘The Ginza metro station…’_

He could feel the remainder of his good mood slipping away. That was just one stop away from the station where he’d said goodbye to Kurisu at the end of the Alpha worldline, before he’d-

No. She was here now.

And he’d keep her safe.

He focused even more, taking in everything, searching for the most minor things that were out of the ordinary.

If the worst still happened, he’d try to reach Yanabayashi shrine in the south-southwest, and seek out Lukako. That was the backup plan. And if that was somehow infeasible, then Faris’ tower was just southeast of the Ginza station. If that were also impossible, he’d improvise. With his extensive knowledge of the area, pinning them down like that would only be possible if there was an entire army of Rounders hunting for them. The only time he’d seen that…

He immediately shook his head - he wouldn’t think of it again. Mayuri had died often enough, and that was hopefully a thing of the past now. As were, equally hopefully, the nearby attractor fields, so that divergence was a thing again and his actions would actually be able to affect the outcomes of a potential attack, the most important one being able to save Kurisu. According to his future self, that should be the case in this worldline.

His job now was just to account for every possibility. And just because he was bad at planning didn’t mean he was completely incapable of doing it, especially if it was something he’d been naturally doing for _this_ long.

He did another quick surveillance of the area, very quickly shifting between the points of interest in their immediate surroundings.

Of course, it had been only a matter of time before she noticed.

“Okabe? What are you doing?” Kurisu asked.

“Just checking the area,” he replied.  

“For what?”

“Things like organization operatives. People who are pretending to eat but who are really just watching us, or trying to follow us on either side of the road. Drivers who might keep disrupting the flow of traffic intentionally to stay close to us. Hidden cars or vans in alleyways that could easily intercept us or run us over. Gunmen in the streets or the windows, sometimes masked, sometimes in plain clothes. Those kinds of things. That’s how they tend to operate,” he clarified, completely serious, after making sure no one else was within hearing distance.

“A-ah, I see…” she trailed off, suddenly sounding a lot less confident.

“Stay calm and just keep going. We’re fine so far.”

It didn’t seem to work too well, since she was still fidgeting, glancing around nervously. 

And then he inwardly slapped himself.

He was doing it again, losing sight of that she wasn’t as inured to stuff like this as he was. To him, this was just basic protocol, another Saturday in paradise. He did it everywhere, every day - nothing unusual about it. It was just part of his routine of guarding the Steins Gate worldline, since some part of him still believed that this was only a temporary vacation, that conflict with SERN was an inevitability and that he’d just need to be ready for it. If his sanity could take another fight like that, he didn’t know, but he still wouldn’t allow it to catch him by surprise. 

Yet how alarming would that remark have sounded to the _average_ person? They’d think they were being hunted _right now,_ and that they’d just temporarily avoided detection. Even someone who was relatively strong civilian, like Kurisu, would freak out or at least be on edge. Unless, of course, they thought he was crazy. Unfortunately, in this case she would probably trust him enough to take his word for it.

Damn it, he shouldn’t have told her the truth at all, should have lied to make her feel at ease! Just as there was no reason to inform her there was a man right across the street who strongly resembled another Rounder, if he wasn’t the real thing, working as a cook in a noodle restaurant that he now never visited anymore. All of that gained them nothing and would just needlessly worry her.

He tried to put up a smile to correct the damage. “Ah, I’m sorry. I just… it’s a habit I picked up during our troubles with the organization, the name of which I obviously can’t share out here in the open. Even if there’s nothing wrong, I just automatically keep looking for it, as if I’m expecting to be attacked. I… can’t seem to turn it off. So don’t mind me; I’m just overly cautious.”

As he said it, he was very aware of the irony that he’d used to joke about things like this; to be someone of importance who was being hunted by a nefarious organization. It was a lot less cool and funny in reality, and even more so when they wouldn’t only be after him, but also those close to him.

Especially her.

And it was even more grating that he didn’t know if and when they’d strike.

“Oh… you too, then?” Kurisu replied in a sad tone, looking away.

He froze.

_You, too?_

Hearing her say that was like a punch to the gut. Was she really the same as him? Just how traumatic had these last two months really been for her? Was ‘having suffered a lot’ understating it, then?

He didn’t really know.

And what could he say to something like that? Should he ask her for details? Gloss over that and skip right to trying to comfort her? If so, how should he do that?

He didn’t know that, either.

An uncomfortable silence fell between them.

He glanced to his side, and saw her looking down. The earlier confidence was gone. That… was just wrong. It didn’t suit her – it just wasn’t Kurisu.

And it was effectively _his_ fault.

A flash of a similarly sad female Lukako went through his mind, and he froze.

No. No way, not again!

Sure, this wasn’t a date, but he was still obligated to fix it. Plus, it really wouldn’t help his chances if the him she got to know was some depressed, traumatized killjoy, and he’d already given her dangerously much of that in the previous two hours!

Okay, deep breath, calm down. What had been the problem in Lukako’s case?

Right, that they had almost nothing in common.

Fortunately that wasn’t the case here; he and Kurisu had plenty of that, ranging from things like science in general to a love for experimentation, anime series, the 4channel boards and…

_Wait…_

He blinked, wondering if _that_ was really a good idea.

It would probably draw them a lot of attention.

It was somewhat ridiculous.

It could remind Kurisu of the attack on her, effectively making the situation even worse.

But…

Why was he so afraid of drawing attention, anyway? Maybe it was he, himself, who was the problem; maybe his thinking was just inherently flawed? What were the two of them really doing at the moment? They were walking down a normal street, on a normal summer evening. Nothing unusual was going on. As far as he knew, there were no attractor fields working against him, no world nor universal will he still had to deceive. Sure, Kurisu was with him, and there was at least one Rounder nearby, but he’d done absolutely nothing to provoke SERN in this worldline. Consequently, SERN had no idea that Kurisu knew, or could learn, how to make a time machine. So why was he so stressed out?

Was it really necessary to be so hyper-alert of their surroundings?

What were the _actual_ chances of a sudden attack?

In other words, was he wrong to be afraid?

A montage of Mayuri’s deaths involuntarily flashed by, and his resolve wavered. No, he couldn’t underestimate them. There was always a possibility that they would still attack and for that he needed to be ready. Even the smallest chance of being wrong about SERN, of it still happening, warranted countermeasures. He’d have to-

…No.

He couldn’t think like that. When it came down to it, that was his fear outweighing his common sense; a fear reinforced by more fear of potentially still losing, now that he was _this close_ to the actual goal, of actually having saved everyone and having everyone together. And if he kept doing what he was doing, kept acting according to his fear, wasn’t that the same as continuing to accept it as a legitimate concern? If he continued to live his life like that, didn’t that mean that SERN had still won in the end? That he’d be accepting he’d never be rid of its negative influence on him, even if they never even became aware of his existence? And if that same fear could cost him Kurisu…

Plus, using ‘him’ was another shot at trying to restore her memories, since surely some of those associated with his alter ego would be high on the emotional side. True, higher on the negative side, probably, but there was a good chance it would trigger _something_ , at least, and right now he’d prefer an argument over seeing her like that. He’d just have to give this conversation a more positive spin, so that it became more playful banter and less serious argument.

…Yeah, that was a bit of a problem. How to positively remind her of her time with someone who’d been mostly an asshole to her? By roleplaying said asshole without actually being an asshole? That sounded convoluted at best. And he was hoping it would go down well?

Unfortunately, it was still the best he could immediately think of. And Kurisu _had_ probably fallen for him in the Alpha worldline too, where he’d been doing this constantly.

But most importantly, perhaps, was that this basically came down to breaking out of fear. And between Okabe Rintaro and Hououin Kyouma, who was better at dealing with fear? Who had he turned to when he’d engaged a gang of bandits by himself to protect Faris, or when he’d allowed himself to be stabbed to save Kurisu?

The choice was obvious.

It was time to re-introduce them.

He took a deep breath, forced himself to relax, and very slowly let go of his phone.

He let the mental map fade into nothingness.

He stopped observing every little thing.

And he laughed.

“MUAHAHAHAHA!”

He continued even as she stumbled from the sudden outburst.

 “W-what the…?” Kurisu stammered, stepping back.

He deliberately ignored the people at the restaurant on his right, who were also giving him very strange looks. “Why are you looking so gloomy, assistant?” he asked. “This pitiful figure doesn’t suit you, Christina!”

She stared at him for a second, then sighed, deflating. “That’s not my name, and I’m not your assistant. I’m not in the mood for games, Okabe… I know this isn’t the real you.”

She sounded tired, worn-out. It was a half-hearted response at best. In other words, truly unlike her.

“Oh? And what is on your mind, pray tell, that could possibly be more important than a discussion with me, the great Hououin Kyouma, the greatest insane mad scientist of this age, with an IQ to rival the likes of Newton and Einstein?” he asked, still playing the part.

“If you’re going to be like that, I don’t think I want to tell you.”

_An opportunity._

“Humor me. After all, it is my solemn duty as lab member number 001 to look after the well-being of the other lab mems, including you, dear Christina.”

She looked up sharply, as if to give an angry retort…

But it didn’t come.

Her face went through a variety of emotions. She frowned, staring into nothing, her lips parting ever slightly and then closing. It was a look of intense concentration.

It was her Reading Steiner.

He’d seen it before; the last time, she’d come out of it looking as if she were about to have a nervous breakdown. But this one shouldn’t have that result… he hoped. It related to a turning point in their relationship, the very first time she’d opened up to him. Thus, it should be a positive one for her.

Just in case, he placed himself a little closer so that she was easily in arms reach, meaning he could stop her from potentially running into the traffic in a blind panic, if needed. There were also a number of quiet and secluded spots nearby he could take her to if she needed to recover.

He waited patiently.

“…Aomori…?” she finally asked, snapping out of her daze. “Did I… Did I ask you to visit dad with me, back in the Alph- er, back then?”

He nodded. “Indeed, and if you could trust me with something _that_ important to you, surely whatever is ailing you now pales in comparison!”

For now, he’d just gloss over the fact that he hadn’t been able keep that promise. And quickly steering the conversation away from anything involving her father seemed like another smart thing to do.

She didn’t reply immediately, altering her gaze between him and the street and muttering a few words as if in some sort of internal debate. “Well… I guess…” she finally began. “Can it be anything, without judging me for it?”

“There’s nothing I’d deny my assistant.”

Kurisu glanced around, making sure no one else could overhear before continuing in a quieter voice. “It’s just… what you said about those masked men with guns. I had visions of them, too, of being kidnapped by them. And, if I’m really honest, hearing you say that those men are actually out there somewhere… just scares me. Back then, I stopped feeling safe. I still don’t, I guess. The only time that really changed was when…”

She looked away.

He watched her curiously. _When…?_ When what? And that aside, that was another strike - Kurisu would normally never admit she was afraid.

She turned back.

And then it happened.

She took hold of his arm and linked hers around it, then slid up to right next to him.

Suddenly, they were walking side by side, very close, as an actual couple would.

He almost stumbled in disbelief.

He was so surprised that he involuntarily broke character and said the first thing on his mind. “Um, Kurisu? That’s my arm.”

Inwardly he punched himself, then kicked himself in the balls. That response was so cringe-worthy that it probably ranked somewhere at a minus twenty on the manliness scale!

But… she looked so sad...

That instantly sobered him up. This was no time for charm or even remotely worrying about those kinds of things.  

“…Ah, sorry,” she apologized. “I-It’s not like I’m afraid or anything, but it’s just that, back then, when I was outside, I’d sometimes see you too. They were just images of you, flashes of memories. I know that now. But at the time, I always tried to follow those, just in case it was actually you. And they’d always disappear. I guess… some part of me has this irrational belief that it will happen again, that If I look away too long or let go, you’ll be gone, and that I imagined all of this,” she explained, facing forward, her expression unreadable.

He stiffened: that was all too familiar.

“Okabe? Does it bother you, walking like this?’ she asked, obviously noticing his discomfort. “I thought it would make discussing… ‘SERNtain’ topics easier. If we’re this close and talk quietly, no one should be able to overhear us. But if you’d rather-”

“N-no, of course I don’t mind!’ he immediately replied, after which he promptly adjusted his pace to match hers. “It’s just that what you said is pretty much exactly what I thought of Mayuri, years ago.”

“Huh? Mayuri? How so?”

 “Back then, her grandmother had died, and she was so depressed that nothing seemed to get her out of it,” he explained. “She had and still has this habit of reaching for the stars, or the sky. At that time, I thought that if I didn’t do something, she’d float away and vanish. I guess what I really was afraid of was that she’d commit suicide, but I was too young then to fully understand that concept.”

“Really? Are we talking about the same, overly cheerful Mayuri you told me all about?” she asked, frowning.

“Yeah. I know it might be hard to believe, but that’s how it was.”

“Then, what did you do about it?”

“I made her my hostage.”

“You WHAT!?” she cried, immediately edging away from him and almost letting go completely.

Oops.

Yeah, maybe he should have thought that through more. He had intentionally not mentioned this before since Kurisu’s initial response to it in the Alpha worldline had been to almost call the police on him, which was completely fair, all things considered.

“I-it’s not what you think!” he immediately went on, holding on to her. “It’s just that we were kids back then, and we had this habit of watching this cartoon show together. It featured this stereotypical evil scientist as the villain, who had this habit of sometimes taking hostages. He always lost, of course, but I still kind of admired him for all the ridiculous, reality-defying stuff he managed to do. So, I tried to play on that bond I had with her, hugged her and told her she was my hostage from then on. And… it worked. She still says that now, even though it’s more of a running joke between us than anything else.”

She sighed in obvious relief, relaxing back into his side as they continued moving forward. “Oh, so that’s it. Well, that’s kind of sweet then, I guess. But... I wonder if she…” she mumbled, looking away. Then she suddenly stopped moving, forcing him to do the same. “Wait. Wait a minute,” she went on, and he was surprised to find her face slowly sliding into her characteristic smirk.

Normally he’d have considered that a clear win, considering the previous happenings.

Yet he suddenly had a _very bad_ feeling about this.

“W-What?”

“Did you just accidentally reveal the origin of Hououin Kyouma to me?”

Double oops.

“Er… Well… No…?” he tried.

It was obviously in vain.

“What? Were you _actually_ serious? Is that REALLY it?”

He didn’t reply, not wanting to give her the satisfaction.

She waited for all of two seconds before she started chuckling, hesitantly at first and then embracing it into full-blown laughter. “Hah. Haha, Pfahahahaha! Oh, this is so _so_ rich,” she said in between chuckles.

Her laugh was an alien, yet pleasing kind of sound that did much to lessen the blow. As far as he immediately remembered, he’d only heard her actually doing that twice before, which, considering how long the two of them had spent together across the Alpha worldline, was kind of sad in a way. He decided he’d have to savor this while it lasted and get her to do it more often.

“So the great and mighty ‘Hououin Kyouma’, greatest mad scientist of his age, lord of space and time and arch nemesis of the established order, is, in fact, _a cartoon character from a kids television show_?” Kurisu went on, obviously enjoying the moment. “Pfahahaha, oh, I’m sorry, can we just stand here for a moment while I finish processing this _juicy_ bit of blackmailing material into my long term memory?”

…Wait, had that been an influence of the Alpha worldline memories, influencing her emotions? Had it really been _that_ funny? He _had_ put Alpha-worldline Kurisu through so much crap that she’d have probably thought so, but this one? Hm…

Regardless, he couldn’t just let that stand completely unchallenged, of course!

He channeled all of his alter ego into his characteristic features: hands in lab-coat pockets, eyes closed, faked confident walk, overly self-pleased, cocky smirk. Any sane person who saw him would immediately dismiss him as a man-child and assume his every word to be total bullshit.

Just as planned.

…it did seem less cool when he put it like that, didn’t it?

Of course, he knew that no matter what he said now, she’d find some way to counter it. Without something to pin her on, this particular battle was already over. She was just too sharp.

But if it made her laugh throughout all the things they’d been through, it was worth it. For that, he could prolong this loss with a clear conscience.

“Such ungratefulness, Assistant! You forget that this worldline only exists by the grace of my boundless wisdom. Now show me some appropriate respect.”

“Ah, so the same ‘boundless wisdom’ that told you the best way to console a depressed young girl and alleviate your fears was to take her hostage, right?” she asked.

There probably was a trap in there, somewhere. He deliberately didn’t care. “Of course! I believe we already established that the method is obviously effective, Christina.”

“So by that same logic, the most appropriate thing for _me_ to do in my situation would be to kidnap _you_ , isn’t it?” she questioned, playfully nudging his side.

He blinked, not having quite expected the physical response that came with the answer. “Um…”

“I can see the appeal, I suppose, Hououin Kyouma-san. There are some practical issues with it, though,” she continued, maintaining unflinching eye-contact. “For starters, the only space I can store you nearby would be in my hotel room. So after I lock you up in there, what should I do with you?”

He was probably blushing, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from those mischievous blue eyes, backed up by a daring smirk. That, along the feeling of her body next to his switched off most of his higher cognitive functions.

The remaining ones scrambled to retain some semblance of coherence.

Was this… flirting? ACTUAL flirting?

Was he reading too much into this? Had there been a _suggestive_ undertone in what she’d just said? Would _Kurisu_ really say or do something _that_ suggestive?

Probably not, sadly. Then, was all of this a dream, after all?

He quickly pinched himself with one of his pocketed hands.

It hurt.

And kept hurting.

Oh.

Well then.

…WHAT THE HELL WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO NOW!?

“Ah, well…” he began anyway, having absolutely no clue how he was going to finish that sentence.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, he didn’t have to.

“Oh, I know!” she continued, snapping her fingers. “Maybe I’ll just have to do so many unspeakable things to you that you will forever refrain from calling me an assistant or ‘Christina’ ever again. What would you say to that?”

That she could well be flirting, and that his body _definitely_ wasn’t ready for it?

He did a very quick mental check.

…Actually, his body was MORE than ready; it was his mind that was the problem.

Okay, so suppose she WAS flirting, and that she was aware of the double meanings. Well, he might a complete noob at this, but he could always try to bullshit his way out, right? He did have plenty of expertise in being a chuunibyou, otherwise known as ‘WWHKD’, or ‘What Would Hououin Kyouma Do’?

The obvious answer was misdirection.

“Then I’d say you were losing sight of your tasks, and our ultimate objective, assistant,” he replied, trying to regain his composure.

“Which are?”

“Bringing chaos to the world, of course!” he boldly declared.

“But that sounds much more boring than-“

She broke off mid-sentence.

He could literally see what cheerfulness there had been slide off her face, the temporarily regained confidence evaporating into thin air.

Then she turned away, followed by a deafening silence.

Part of him panicked, wondering if it was somehow his fault, if he’d said something wrong or failed some kind of test. “Kurisu? What’s wrong?” he asked anyway.

“Ah… well… all this talk about kidnapping, even in jokes, takes my thoughts back to SERN. And then I just… get scared again, I guess, ” she replied.

He nodded, partly in relief, partly worried. “Do you want to talk about it?”

She hesitated for a moment. “I’m… not sure what to do with this feeling of unsafety. Telling myself I never actually got abducted doesn’t make it go away, not to mention that it’d technically be a lie. Having those visions at all means they’re actual memories of any number of alternate versions of me. And that, in turn, means those versions of me couldn’t escape from SERN _._ So what guarantee do I have that it won’t happen to me, too?”

So it was true; they did share at least one major problem. Both of them were too afraid of what SERN could potentially do to them. ‘You too’ had been a very apt description.

But… guarantees? There were no guarantees. That was what this worldline was all about; a future that was malleable, freed from a set fate. At least, until another attractor field came into it somewhere in the future. But until then, anything could happen. And that was the beauty of it.

But that wouldn’t help her right now.

Maybe-

“And… it’s not just that, either,” she went on, further lowering her voice to barely above whisper volume. Even from this close, he had to strain himself to hear her. “What I’m most worried about, is…”

She paused, and the grip on his arm tightened ever so slightly. Actually, now that he thought about it, that grip had been fairly tight to begin with. “I’m afraid that it’d be the same in America. I can’t run from them, can I? Viktor Chondria has good security and might keep them away while I’m inside, but after that, they could come for me whenever. How much can I still publish before someone at SERN starts wondering if I wouldn’t be a good asset to them anyway, even if I never publish anything regarding time travel? You know, just to make sure they’d have the best personnel to research every possible angle, or even if someone else there just thinks of part of the basic theory first, and then decides having a neuroscientist is just what they need to help?”

She glanced around them again, not quite managing to hide her nerves. “If they’re everywhere, if they’re as powerful as you say and capable of taking over the world… then they can get away with something like that without a problem. So… does that mean I can never be sure I’m safe again?”

Valid concerns.

…Were they?

No, not entirely. That made it sound like they were invincible. And SERN had at least one weakness he could immediately think of. 

“Maybe there’s no reason to be afraid; maybe they really are just a scientific entity in this worldline, one without any bad intentions,” he first tried.

She sighed. “Really, Okabe? I mean, thanks for trying, but going by your own behavior, even _you_ don’t seem to buy that.”

True, and he knew that, of course, but it had been worth a shot.

“Okay, let’s assume they still exist. In that case, you’re still wrong about them. They’re not all-powerful, and they can’t get away with anything. They’re more fragile than you might think,” he claimed.

“What makes you say that?”

 “For one, we have some really dangerous information on them,” he answered. “They’re dependent on funding by certain countries, and their powerbase isn’t so absolute that it can compare with actual nations. Remember what I told you about the Jellyman reports we found in the Alpha worldline, when we first tried to hack SERN?”

“Weren’t those…”’ she began hesitantly, before realization struck. ”Oh, right! The files on lethal human experimentation, which also proved they’d repeatedly lied to the rest of the world about their technology and accomplishments,” she went on, her voice regaining a bit of her fire. “Do you mean you still have them, that you hacked them again?”

“No, I don’t. But that’s not the point; the point is that they exist and are easy to find. Daru was able to hack SERN and get that data fairly easily, and that’s just what he found at a first glance. Who knows what else is out there? A list of assassinations by the Rounders, perhaps?”

She slowed her pace. “Then… why haven’t you? SERN is basically a terrorist group with aspirations of destroying society itself,” she questioned. “If you have that power over them, why do you keep letting them exist? Don’t tell me you’re seriously thinking of letting them win to fulfill Kyouma’s goal of ‘bringing chaos to the world’?”

The part of him that was Kyouma scoffed. “As if any self-respecting mad scientist would want to work with them. Their goal of destroying society itself is something other than bringing chaos to it.”

 “So you’re saying that you go through life expecting to be attacked at any moment by an organization that is basically one of the greatest enemies of mankind, and you claim you could end them whenever, but you don’t?” she asked in obvious disbelief.

“It’s simple: The reason I don’t is because that would definitively put those close to me at risk - most notably, you. And that’s not worth it,” he answered. “If the price for that is just keeping myself overly aware against a potential pre-emptive strike on me, that is one I’ll pay.”

She looked at him directly, their eyes meeting. He could see the doubt in hers as she seemed to search his for something. Overt doubt wasn’t like her. It reminded him again that even though she much better than when he’d ran into her on the streets earlier that day, she also wasn’t quite the old her he knew. Even if she might have seemed fine on the outside and could temporarily suppress it or be distracted long enough for it not to be directly noticeable, deep down, she was still hurting.

He’d have to find a way to do something about it.

“But… is that really the right thing to do?” she finally asked in a soft tone, looking away. “Who knows what they’re doing in the meantime? They’re probably consolidating their power even now. Deliberately looking away from this doesn’t feel ethical to me.”

“Ethical? I am an insane mad scientist, Christina, just as you are the assistant of one. Ethics do not figure into our business!”

And that’s where he failed.

He’d said it reflexively in an effort to lighten the mood, to try and trigger their playful banter when she was looking down.

But even as he finished, he knew it was out of line.

Kurisu immediately grabbed his other arm and whirled him around so they were face to face. Even a glance at hers told him she was furious. “No, you WILL take this seriously, Okabe!” she hissed. “People are going to get traumatized or even lose their lives over letting SERN be, and I really don’t want to go on having to constantly worry about watching my back, either! If you can really end them, then you NEED to do it, or _at least_ put the authorities onto them!”

Deliberately get involved with SERN again?

No way.

Never.

But looking at her now, he knew she simply wouldn’t accept that answer.

That left only one thing to do.

He let go of Kyouma and hardened his resolve.

“Come with me,” he said, as he immediately led them away into one of the adjacent alleyways. He knew one of the buildings further down and around another corner there had just been demolished, replaced as yet with only the framework for a new one. This late, there was no construction crew present, and the rest of the alley seemed similarly deserted. If he stood right in front of it, that was as close to privacy as he was going to get here, the least possible chance of being overheard.

He looked her straight in the eyes. “You want me to start another fight with SERN. Are you serious, Kurisu? You DO realize what’s at stake, right?”                                                            

She didn’t back down, either. “Of course I do. And that’s exactly why we can’t just turn away from this!”                              

He shook his head. “This isn’t like you. The normal you would be way too analytical to make this kind of rash decision. So tell me, is this personal for you? Is it about revenge? Do you want to get back at them for what they did to you, Mayuri and the rest of us in the other worldlines? For how they made you suffer? For how they make you feel afraid?”

She froze, obviously caught off-guard. “I… well…”

“If so, I can understand,” he continued, softening his tone. He placed his hands on her shoulders, trying to console her. “I wanted it too, on SERN, on Moeka for shooting Mayuri. I wanted to hurt her, to make her suffer too, or maybe even something worse. But… we can’t let that drive us, now. We need to be stronger than that and look at this objectively, instead. You know that by being in this worldline, the world technically owes us at least six billion lives and a prevented apocalypse. Do you want to risk all of those by getting us directly involved again?”

She didn’t respond nor meet his eyes.

He sighed, letting go of her. “Look, less than an hour ago, you told me that knowing something could happen and having a chance to stop it didn’t make me sorely responsible for it still happening. Isn’t this the exact same thing?”

“…Not sorely responsible no, but still partly. Being guilty towards each other is something the two of us can forgive the other for, but this will harm people other than ourselves. And it’s not the same situation either, because this worldline is the one uninfluenced by attractor fields. That means that your actions would have an actual chance of working here,” she reasoned quietly.

“Then ask yourself,” he went on, “haven’t we already done enough? We kept and are still keeping their most valuable weapon, your brain, out of their hands. So long as you are out of harm’s way, so long as they have no possible reason to believe you could make ‘that’, then the world is relatively safe. And in the end, the two of us are just civilians. Is this really our business? Back then, things started going wrong when we crossed that line. I don’t want to make the same mistake twice.”

She began to falter, obviously conflicted - again, the same doubt that didn’t suit her. “But… what if they’re still going to win if you don’t interfere? Wouldn’t that make everything we’ve done so far pointless? And if you don’t do anything, those other people… they’re going to go through what I did. It feels wrong to just leave them to their fate.”

“That’s mostly emotion over reasoning. In other words, not you.”

“…”

He could clearly see it in the way she stood, hear it in the way she spoke; the remainder of trauma and associated fear disrupting who she really was.

So far, he probably wasn’t helping much, he realized, as his argument up until now had basically been: ‘Don’t worry about them holding a very dangerous gun that could well be aimed at you someday, since we have a dangerous gun we could aim at them as well. I’m not inclined to do so though, probably only if they attack first’. That wasn’t exactly the most comforting of thoughts, and didn’t really lessen the actual threat to her.

He knew he couldn’t leave it at that. He’d have to go further. And he preferably needed to switch tactics, as continuing like this when she looked like that felt like browbeating her into submission while she was down. Even if he won, that could well damage their relationship, given how important this issue was. Or even worse, it could make her decide to take action on her own later.

So what to do?

No plan spontaneously presented itself to him.

Okay, then maybe he should approach this like the engineering student he was, and try a more systematic approach.

First, what was the _actual_ goal? That was rebuilding Kurisu’s safety bubble, and preferably his own, too. Those were intangible objects, so he was already waaaay out of his depth. But hey, what else was new?

Right, so what would he need to do to accomplish that?

First, he’d have to thoroughly convince her that she was safe, obviously, and that she’d stay that way. Kurisu was a woman of logic and reason, and for her to regain a genuine feeling of safety, he’d have to perfectly play into that same logic, so much so that her only possible conclusion would be that she wasn’t in danger. He couldn’t just tell her, either; for her to better accept it, she’d have to come to those conclusions by herself. The most he could do was provide information and steer her in the right direction.

Second, aside from the whole safety thing, he’d have to also make her feel less guilty about letting SERN be.

So… what kind of argument could he make that would accomplish both these goals?

Only one thing came to mind; he’d have to make SERN itself seem like they weren’t a threat at all, that there was no real risk to leaving them alone. That was a step further than acknowledging that they were a threat but that they, personally, didn’t have a particular reason to be afraid of them, since they weren’t on their radar. It also went _much_ further than just arguing that they had an exploitable weakness that potentially made them less dangerous.

Was that doable? This was the same SERN that had killed Mayuri on any number of occasions and who could summon a large enough mass of personal hitmen to make escaping from even an entire city district difficult. It was the same SERN that had possessed secret black hole technology for years now, implying their technology level overall was in at least some aspects beyond that of the rest of the world, and was able to filter ALL radio wave communication going on in Japan to pick up his _one_ text message that he’d sent to the past. And they HAD eventually managed to take over the entire world in a different worldline. All things considered, those feats by themselves were impressive, especially for a research institute.

 Yet to make this work, to really defeat them once and for all, he’d have to make them look so weak, so _incredibly_ incompetent, that both he and Kurisu would forever dismiss them as a serious threat. In short, he’d have to make both of them realize their fear of them was ridiculous.

 Could he _actually_ do that, without lying to her, or himself? Kurisu knew all of the above too, and if even _she_ was this afraid of them, then-

 Wait.

 Was it fair to say that? Could he even remotely blame her for feeling that way?

No - he was again overlooking that she only had fragmentary knowledge of the Alpha worldline. He’d only been able to give her a rough rundown of all the major events that had happened; there had been only so much of months upon months of happenings that he could cram into an hour’s worth of talking to her, before the conversation had shifted to operation Skuld. Thus, she was missing too much information to be able to evaluate SERN correctly. Between the two of them, only he could do that.

That meant it fell to him to convince the both of them that their previous evaluation of SERN was off.

So… could he?

He tried to look at them objectively, putting aside all the personal grievances they’d ever put him through, all the trauma and all the shows of force he’d endured. He pulled up everything he knew of their workings, everything Moeka and her boss had ever told him, all of his observations from all different wordlines.

And an idea began to form.

He’d been on the right track earlier, when he’d discussed the Jellyman files, but he hadn’t managed to go far enough before the conversation had derailed. If he just kept going among those lines…

And then, inspiration struck.

The plan made him feel like a stand-up comedian, about to perform the single most important act of his career to a very tough crowd, one of which was the girl he liked, going through a rough time. He’d have to make them laugh, and SERN, an internationally funded, malevolent organisation with agents supposedly everywhere in the world, would have to be the butt of every joke.

He sighed, wondering how that would actually go down.

_“Hello dear audience, I am your host, Okabe Rintaro, and tonight’s main act is for a very special girl among you. It’s one I like to call THE ROASTING OF SERN. I hope you’ll enjoy!”_

On the surface, that seemed hard, if not impossible, to accomplish successfully.

He also had no real proof to back up anything that he was about to say.

But he’d faced worse challenges in the past AND future.

“Okabe?”

Her voice roused him from his thoughts.

He took a deep breath and began. “All right, listen. I think the problem the two of us have is that our view on SERN is highly skewed in favor of them.”

She watched him with curiosity, waiting for him to go on.

“And I have an idea to correct it,” he continued. “But I’ll need your help for it. And I should say it might be a bit crazy.”

She considered it for a second, then nodded. “As long as it isn’t dangerous or inappropriate, I guess that doesn’t sound any worse than usual.”

…’Inappropriate’? Huh? What did she expect he’d suggest?

And worse ‘than usual’? Was that just a coincidental word choice or was she starting to remember more? In this worldline, she’d never been involved with any of his plans other than operation Skuld.

…Actually, fair enough, that one had been crazy enough on its own to make it a habit.

“I also have to preface this by saying I have no direct proof for all the information I’m about to give you,” he replied, putting those thoughts aside. “All I can do is promise you, on my honor as a scientist, that all of it will be completely true or my best guess of the truth based on my knowledge. So, for there to be any point to this, I need to know if you trust me enough to believe me on my word.”

“So long as what you’re telling me is within certain limits of reason.”

He let out a small chuckle. “Normally, that would be fine. But for this particular thing, that’s not enough. Now, _please,_ do you trust me, Kurisu?”

“…Yes.”

It came out slightly more hesitantly than he’d have liked, but it was enough.

“Okay, then let’s begin! We’re going to do a bit of role-playing. And for the remainder of it, you are now the evil overlord of SERN; their director, assuming they have one,” he declared, doing his best to sound more energetic and light-hearted.

She blinked, then blinked again. “What,” she stated.

Not that he could blame her.

“Go along with it anyway, you’ll see,” he promised. “Now, how this will work is: I will present you with a situation, after which you will give your honest opinion on how to run SERN. After that, I will tell you how it’s actually ran. Now then, any questions?”

“Er… no?”

“Great! So, first order of business. Your plan is to take over the world and turn it into a dystopia. Why? No clue whatsoever, but we’re SERN and that’s how we roll. You obviously need a lot of personnel to virtually destroy mankind. So how are you going to recruit them?”

“Well-“

“You can stop thinking,” he immediately cut in, “because I’m sure that whatever you came up with in those two seconds is far better than what they ACTUALLY do.”

“…Which is?” she questioned, crossing her arms.

“They freely send out texts to _civilians_ whom they ‘think’ are susceptible to them. And those are basically recruitment texts to eventually turn them in ASSASSINS. We’ll call those the Rounders. And we’re going to need A LOT of those, since we want to make things harder on ourselves by wanting to cause the deaths of six out of every seven humans somewhere along the next twenty-six years, which probably doesn’t make us many friends. Thus, I can only assume that we have to apply our recruitment method on a very large scale. Do you see the _slight_ problem when we miscalculate even ONCE and someone decides to report this to the authorities? When any government agency decides to investigate those texts?”

Kurisu frowned, and justly so. “Is that really true? That _does_ sound a bit ridiculous.”

“You wound me, assistant! Do you really think _I_ would up with something that silly?"

She gave him the flattest of flat stares. “ _This_ , coming from ‘Hououin Kyouma’?”

He only smiled. “Okay, I kind of walked into that one. But let’s continue with this exercise. So maybe your recruitment methods are shaky at best and your ranks are probably loaded with spies and people having second thoughts, but eh, what can you do? You’ll just have to make due with what you have. Now, you give them instructions. You give them two: to find IBN5100’s for reasons we’ll get to later, and to collect people you suspect are involved with time travel research. Other than the odd assassination or miscellaneous task, of course. Now, say someone finds one of those super rare IBN5100’s to safeguard your organization. How do you reward them for a job well done?”

“With money? Vacation? Promotion?” she guessed.

“You kill them.”

“Wait, what?”

“It would be a waste to keep around good talent, after all.”

“O…kay…?”

“So, how do you enforce this ingenious, worker-friendly tactic?” he went on.

“Er… regional supervision…?”

She sounded less and less sure with every passing moment.

Good.

“Right! And those would obviously have to be in on this,” he reasoned. “So how do you reward them for the grizzly task of having to murder their own personnel, their direct underlings with whom they have _at least_ professional bonds?”

“I’d-“

“You kill _them_ , too.”

“I do?”

“OBVIOUSLY!”

He let it hang for a moment, somewhat enjoying the sight of her incredulous look.

“We do, of course, have a separate team of Rounders tasked with killing those who find them,” he continued. “But as SERN, that alone is just not how we roll. No, we’re going to be gentlemen about this and inform the regional coordinators themselves that we _are_ going to be killing them AND their personnel if they succeed at the very task we’ve given them.”

Kurisu‘s puzzlement increased even further. If he had to guess, the logic apocalypse was starting to take place somewhere in her mind, and the debris was already falling all over her assumptions of SERN. “What? But- why- I just-” she finally sputtered. “But how does that even work, then!? Why would any of them actively search out something if they know finding it is going to get them killed!?”

“Very good question, assistant! I believe you’re starting to see some issues with their structure and potential problems concerning the loyalty of their workers. For instance, how long before one of those regional coordinators decides to turn on them for not wanting to commit murder or suicide?” he questioned, pretending to ponder the issue. “Oh wait, we actually _already_ saw _this exact thing_ happen in the Alpha worldline. And since that’s the only regional coordinator we know of, that means the occurrence rate of treason among those, to the best of our knowledge, is technically an impressive _one hundred percent_. So how long before one of them seeks out the authorities?”

“Hmmm… I think we might need to revise A LOT of our policies…” she mumbled.

“Right, next topic! So your organization is the birthplace of the modern internet, meaning you actually built the thing. Therefore, hacking into you is probably the ultimate achievement for any thrill-seeking hacker. Additionally, your servers host all your dark secrets that would completely destroy you if anyone ever found them. Now remember - you may or may not be aware that you’ve already messed up somewhere in your policies concerning your own personnel. So, how much would you invest in internet and IT security?”

“A lot, obviousl- Wait. Didn’t we…?” she trailed off.

“Indeed! We obviously don’t really care, since we’ve somehow managed to get ourselves hacked by a TEENAGER without ANY special equipment, and not only that, but we _never_ pick up on it!”

To be fair, he wasn’t completely sure of that last bit, but it was _at least_ plausible. Daru had never once let them down, and it _had_ seemed like Moeka had been the primary reason they’d been found out. For this, he’d choose to trust his friend and take his word on it as a world-class hacker. Plus, Daru was also the guy able to repair a broken time machine made of future technology in just two days, enough for it to actually make the jump further back. His all-around credentials were extremely good.

Kurisu slowly shook her head, and he could see the beginnings of a grin. “Okay, this is starting to get a bit sad. I think I might be a bit too good to be leading this mess.”

“Oh, we’re not even _remotely_ there yet!” he replied, nodding happily at the first clear sign of actual success. ”But for now, let’s note that this doesn’t bode well for us, considering we’ve already established that we’re pretty much inevitably going to be found out by the authorities at some point. If a teenager, no matter how skilled, can hack you by himself, then they, or any other organization with some kind of serious backing can do it too.”

He took a moment to collect his thoughts. “But okay, we’re not _completely_ stupid… actually, we are, but who says idiots can’t be cunning in their own way?”

“Certainly not me,” she answered immediately, almost back to her normal smirk. “I seem to recall being saved by one, after all.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he replied, gracefully taking that verbal sledgehammer to the face. “Now, so we account for the possibility of being hacked by having a secret database that you need those IBN5100’s to read. So where should we put the documents that confirm we’ve been doing lethal experiments on humans, in addition to having bluntly lied to everyone about the technology we used for those? Mind you, the jellified leftovers of those people have been found all over the world across time, and we’ve had to directly lie about them at least once. Yeah, on that topic – it probably also wasn’t such a good idea to brand those people or their clothes with our personal logo before sending them to their deaths. But eh, we’re SERN and that’s just how we roll, right?”

“So, director?” he finished, clapping his hands. “What’s it going to be? Put those secret files in the encrypted zone where no one can read them, or out in the open so everyone has access and every day is just _that_ much more exciting!? Hmmm. Decisions, decisions…”

“Oh god… I can literally _hear_ my brain cells going into apoptosis from just listening to this,” she said, facepalming. “Hang on, Frontal Lobe, just hang on. I’m sure this will be over soon.”

…He’d just ignore the strange motherly tone in which she said the second part and move on. “I see you’ve caught on where we’re going with this! That same teenager _did_ find them almost immediately, after all. And from that, we can assume it would probably take only ONE hacker or spy to spell certain doom for our nefarious plans. Or should that be ‘SERNtain’ doom?”

“ _Please_ don’t turn that into a pun. It’s just too horrible, that way. I never want to be held responsible for it, ever.”

“Too late! And anyway, we don’t have time to discuss this, because right now, you’ve got an issue on your hands. It seems that a group of teenagers, by some miracle we’ll call serendipity, have actually managed to build a working time machine. It’s the very thing you’ve always tried and failed to make yourself, despite your seemingly limitless funding and ability to cherry pick scientists to work for you. But not only that, these same teenagers are also, _somehow_ , on to you. Mind you, the only reason you actually know this in time is because of sheer luck, since one of them was stupid and unfortunate enough to directly invite your nearby spy into their lab, where she was then present when they openly discussed this.”

This was somewhat debatable, as SERN had interrupted the D-mail that he’d accidentally sent to the past, which had featured both his and Daru’s names. So wouldn’t SERN have learned of their existence eventually, on their own merit?

Yet… his meeting and interactions with Moeka had seemed coincidental at first, then followed by a series of blunders on his own part. If they _had_ known, would SERN really have intentionally waited that long, just give them more time to test their equipment, knowing that they could be exposed at any minute? Even if SERN didn’t know they had read the Jellyman files, they would still know that a hacker had gained access to their systems, which should have made the possibility at least dangerous enough to warrant immediate intervention.

And that aside, all things considered, SERN’s reaction to a lead on time travel _that_ promising, a direct mail from the future, had been incredibly slow and weak.

So he assumed that yes, SERN might have learned of the danger to them _eventually_ , but that would have been too slow to stop them going public, meaning they’d have been finished. The more he thought about it, the more he was convinced that it had to be the attractor field working in their favor here.

“Now, how soon do you act on this information, director?” he asked, pulling himself from his musings.

“As soon as possible, I guess?” she ventured.

“And how soon would that be?”

“Um… a couple of days, at most? The moment they go public, it’s over. And we’re supposedly everywhere, right?” she reasoned.

“Actually, you leisurely wait nearly two whole weeks.”

“But… why?”

“Why not?”

“Because-“

“That was a serious answer. I can only assume that’s actually how it went down.”

She chuckled, even though her left eye gave a strange, pained twitch, as if a part of her was deeply amused while the other was in serious agony. 

Good…? Well, it seemed he was at least somewhat on the right track? Now all he had to do was push a little more…

He cleared his throat. “Now, so you finally decide to do something after… er… hm… taking a vacation in the midst of all this and going through your mountain of casualty reports concerning your own personnel killing itself as per your orders. You also put aside the memo of Bob the unpaid intern, who’s bothering you about why you’ve still not hired anyone to fill that post of IT security. Why? Because you’ve reconsidered and now _actually_ believe in the importance of an intervention in the aforementioned situation. So you’ve come up with an elaborate masterplan to basically sabotage all forms of transport out of Akihabara, which also distracts the police. Of course, that only gets you so far. So what kind of strike team do you then send in to deal with these pesky civilian teenagers?”

“…I’m almost afraid to answer,” she began, shaking herself out of it, “but the best we have, obviously. With plenty of concealed firepower, enough to outshoot the odd police officer if needed. Or even better, have them dress up as police and then go in under the pretense of arresting us. Something like that.”

“I’m afraid you’re still giving our organization way too much credit. That second part is something we’d _never_ come up with, despite that we supposedly have genius scientists working for us. No, we’re not even _remotely_ that subtle. What we do instead is sent guys wearing assault rifles out in the open, _obviously_ without any disguises, so that anyone who happens to see us _instantly_ knows that something’s wrong. We’re gentlemen like that, of course, and we have to give this as much chance as possible of failing on its own. Basically the same as all our other policies, actually.”

Kurisu gave a very deep, very tired sounding sigh. “Ok… and then?”

“They fail.”

“Yeah, I figured, _obviously_. But _how_? Does the police still intervene or something?”

“Ah, we’d _wish_ we could claim that. What actually happens is that an 18-year old, unarmed girl _somehow_ sneaks up on them and then wipes the floor with nearly all of our supposedly elite Rounders. And afterwards, that same girl holds off the final one of our agents long enough for the other targets to get away. In this case, by allowing them to reset time.”

“…And that is even remotely possible, how exactly?”

“Indeed! You’d think there’s no way six buff dudes with rifles and handguns, whom by all accounts should be the very best men for the most critical mission we could possibly have, could lose a fight like that, right? But we’re SERN, remember? That’s how we roll. Obviously.”

Yeah, regardless of how skilled Suzuha was, looking at that objectively, there really was no excuse for the Rounders to lose that, or at the very least, lose enough for him to reset everything. If even one of them had been watching the door, or even better, the stairway behind the door, they probably wouldn’t have lost quite so hard. But such a concept was apparently beyond them, since they’d made the exact same mistake a number of times.

“Right… _obviously,_ ” she groaned. “Can I resign yet? I hereby appoint Bob the unpaid intern as my successor. He seems to be the most capable other person we have working for us.”

“Not yet, since when all hope seems lost for us, it seems you get yet _another_ lucky break. Fate itself smiles upon you and time and space rearrange to remove this problematic girl from the equation. And you now get a redo! What a great time to be us, isn’t it?” he went on.

“Why do I get the feeling even _that_ won’t be enough?” she questioned sarcastically.

“Because we’re SERN and that’s how we roll, _obviously_. Indeed, those same guys still fail to collect the time machine even now. In some repeats, they get beaten by a toy gadget that forms a fog cloud. In other repeats, no one was even at the lab, meaning it was just sitting there in the open, yet they still failed EVERY SINGLE TIME. Whoops. Maybe we shouldn’t have killed so many of our own guys, so we could have invested in the actual quality of our personnel?” he asked, scratching his chin.

Of course, the only realistic explanation for this final bit was-

“Hold on, wouldn’t that be because the attractor field was keeping it out of their hands?” she asked. “It seems like that’s the only real explanation for it. And… if they had something like a universal will working against them, aren’t they a lot stronger and more competent now that that’s out of the way?”

Of course, she’d be on to that, too.

However…

He smiled genuinely this time. “You’re forgetting that we’re talking about the worldline where they eventually rose to global power. Overall, the attractor fields of that line would by definition have to be working IN FAVOR of them.”

Seeing her nod slowly was all the encouragement he needed to keep going. It was time to start wrapping this up. “And because of that and considering everything else we’re concluded about their organization so far, I think we can safely assume that without that same ‘magic’ supporting them, they’re finished. They just have too many leaks. Without the time machine to compensate for all of those, SERN is just a house of cards waiting to crumble. And that’s why I don’t see any reason for us to have to risk anything for them to meet their demise.”

“But how can you be sure that’s really going to happen?”

“I can’t be completely sure,” he admitted. “However, the Suzuha from the Beta worldline didn’t even know who they were. It stands to reason that at least in that worldline, SERN collapsed on itself long before they became anything worth noting.”

He paused for a moment, further collecting his thoughts. “The more I think about it, the weaker they seem to me. What we saw of them had to logically be them at the very peak of their capacity, after WEEKS of preparation, repeated over and over in a short timeloop. And that’s just it - all we ever saw was that peak. And that’s why our views are skewed, our fear irrational. They explicitly knew about how dangerous we were and yet it took them THAT LONG to do something, and even then they just kept stacking failure on top of failure. What are they going to do now? Nothing. They’re finished. Their organization is just too fragile to keep existing,” he concluded.

That was all he could do. Now he just had to wait and see if she’d accept it.

She was silent for a good thirty seconds, mulling it over.

Then…

“Okay… I guess I can accept that there’s no need to intervene, and that they’re a lot weaker than I thought,” she said. “But what if they still get to me before someone else finds out about them? No matter how small the chances…”

“That would be choosing to live in fear despite the evidence,” he reasoned. “I can’t, of course, completely promise it won’t happen. But then again, there are _so many_ things about the future that we can’t be sure of.”

“I guess that’s true,” she admitted, not entirely happy but not unhappy either.

“However, I _can_ promise you something else,” he then said, not wanting to leave it at that. “If something bad _did_ were to happen to you, then we always have our trump card. In that case…” he trailed off, then forcefully locked away his nerves. “In that case I’ll rebuild the time machine and come for you. No matter how long it takes. No matter where you are. No one takes my assistant away from me. Not SERN, not Nakabachi, or anyone else. I’ll _never_ stop trying to find a way to keep you safe.”

She briefly froze, and then he saw something beautiful.

He saw the beginning of an actual, earnest smile, one she tried to hide by not entirely meeting his eyes.

“A-ah, but… um… wouldn’t that alter divergence and steer us out of the Steins Gate worldline?”

…? Why was she fidgeting, twirling the end of her hair like that? Shouldn’t she feel safe instead of nervous, now?

“Not if I went on doing research until I managed to make the real thing myself, as my future self eventually managed to do,” he reasoned, trying not to get distracted by how cute she looked. “Or, if you want to risk it, the two of us could share the information needed to make a time leap machine and then promise to keep it to ourselves, which would probably speed up the process.”

“Oh, and let’s be honest here. It’s not like you’d really need my help to get out, anyway,” he added light-heartedly. “Knowing you, you’d take over their lab just as you’d taken over ours, then make the time machine yourself only to prevent your own capture in the past.”

She chuckled, still looking away. “You… really think so, huh?”

“Oh, I know so,” he confidently replied. “These are the same guys who didn’t notice that their own secret black hole technology was constantly being used by the same teenager who managed to hack them. Do you really think they’d be able to stop you from breaking out on your own, or at least leaking their critical secrets to the outside world? You’d be running circles around them, assistant.”

“Well, I _would_ like to think that I wouldn’t make things easy on them,” she responded, now smiling fully.

“Now we’re talking!” he cried, returning the playful jab from earlier, which she half-parried while giving an embarrassed chuckle. “And before I forget, there’s one final thing we haven’t touched on yet.”

“Heh. Do I really want to know this?”

“Definitely,” he nodded, “because in the end, despite all their money, all their men and all their technology… they got beaten by _a cartoon character from a kids television show and his assistant._ ”

“Since it were our actions that took away their time machine and attractor field, in the end?” she guessed, re-meeting his gaze.

“Just so! Now what do you say we beat them again, by just leaving them in the past? I hereby officially refuse to let them bother my life any longer. Are you with me, Christina?”

He extended his hand to her, which was probably the cheesiest gesture he could have possibly given her. But hey, he had to even the score, didn’t he?

“Aaaand there you go ruining your entire speech with that very last word,” she said, sighing and closing her eyes. “You really are an idiot at times, you know?”

“That seems like a clear step up from being an idiot _all the time_. Did I get a promotion?”

“Hehe, I suppose you did.”

When she opened her eyes after that, he could tell it was the _real_ her, the one he’d began this walk with.

He’d be lying if he claimed that didn’t make him feel proud of himself, or that it wasn’t immensely relieving to see her like that.

“You know what? You’re right, Okabe. This isn’t me. Sorry for going all damsel in distress on you, there.”

“Heh, what are you rambling on about, assistant?” he replied off-handedly. “Are you even remotely implying you wouldn’t do the exact same for me? Or that you wouldn’t take up the mantle of the insane mad scientist if something happened to _me_ , instead? Sure, they’d have to get _extremely_ lucky and find me tripping over my own shoelaces into unconsciousness, or spontaneously disappearing into an adjacent worldline or something weird like that, but eh, it _could_ happen.“

She shrugged and let out an amused sigh. “I’m not saying I’m your assistant… but yes, I would. Probably.”

“Then what’s the problem?” he asked. “All of this should be obvious: we’re a team, after all, aren’t we?”

She said something under her breath that he couldn’t quite make out.

“Hm? What was that?”

“Oh, it’s nothing,” she replied, arms crossed and fully back to her trademark smirk. “But… I guess it’s nice to know I was right: you _did_ know the way out. And… thanks. That does make me feel a lot better.”

There was a certain sincerity to it that made him a bit feel uncomfortable, both for her obvious gratitude and a smudge of guilt somewhere in the back of his mind. He’d just have to pretend all that wasn’t something he’d only thought of mere minutes ago and thus wasn’t something he’d totally pulled out of his ass at the very last second.

Unfortunately, the moment didn’t last.

Her eyes suddenly widened in fear. “Look out behind you!”

A surge of reactive horror as he instantly spun around, already bracing himself for whatever impact was coming.

Had he miscalculated!? Had a Rounder followed them after all!? He’d lost sight of the environment and-

He blinked as he saw an empty street behind him. There was nothing th-?

And then he thought he felt it; something warm, soft and slightly moist brushing his neck from behind.

It had been such a fleeting touch that he wasn’t entirely sure if it had actually happened.

He slowly turned back around, catching what he thought was a very faint whiff of citrus as he did.

He found her standing behind him as her usual, devil-may-care smirking self, completely calm.

As the implications of what just might have occurred caught up with him, the entirety of his vocabulary failed on him all at once. “Bluerhg?” he asked, stupefied.

“Ah, I guess it was nothing, after all,” she gracefully replied, as if his brabble just now had made even some remote kind of sense. “My bad.”

“D-did you just kiss me!?” he then cried, using supreme force of will to pull himself back together. Suddenly, the evening night seemed incredibly warm, not at all helped by the equally sudden mad pacing of his heart.

“ _Kiss you?_ Hm, that’s certainly a bold claim. Well, maybe?” she pondered for a second, only to shrug in fake helplessness. “I’d say this potential event would have to be a Schrödinger’s kiss; it’s either there or not there until you observe it.”

“W-What strange kind of perversion of science is that, assistant!?” he went on, completely unsure what else to say.

“Oh? If I’m the assistant of a mad scientist, do you really think I’d be opposed to something like that?” she said, completely unfazed.

He blinked, processing that. Er… did that mean she was admitting it? And hold on -‘until he’d observed it’? Was that an invitation to actually kiss her, _right now_?

Was that over-analyzation?

…Was he overanalyzing about whether or not he was overanalyzing?

His mouth felt incredibly dry, either way.

“I-“

“Of course, if you’d been paying more attention, then you’d have known for sure,” she cut in. “It’s not my fault that the great Hououin Kyouma, ‘greatest insane mad scientist of this age, with an IQ to rival the likes of Newton and Einstein’, was just misled by the _oldest and most basic trick in the book_.”

…

Yeah, it was pretty hard to come back from that.

It would make a good epitaph, probably:

 

‘Here lies Okabe Rintaro.

The burn was too real.’

 

He’d try anyway.

If that’s how they were going to play it, he could do that, too.

Revenge would be swift and terrible!

Muahahahaha!

 “Well? Don’t you have anything to say for yourself? I’d have expected much better from an observer, honestly,” she challenged, sliding back up to him.

“Hah! You underestimate me, assistant. Let me tell you all about my finely honed skills of stealth and perception…” he boasted, offering her his arm.

She took it.

Together, they walked further into the night.

 

* * *

 

 **Progress to next chapters:**  

Part one:

Chapter 5: See chapter 4.

Chapter 6: Dialogue and script.

 

Part two:

Chapter 7-12: Script, some dialogue. 

  

* * *

 

 

**Author’s notes:**

If you enjoyed this story, would you consider leaving a comment? I’d love to hear other people’s thoughts and it’s a significant part of what keeps me motivated!

First, some difficult terms used in this chapter:

-Apoptosis: programmed cell death. Cells contain mechanisms that cause them to self-destruct due to a variety of reasons, the most important perhaps is critical damage to their DNA, which prevents those cells from further multiplying. Tumor cells tend to have damaged DNA along with defective mechanisms of DNA repair and cell-cycle control, which prevents apoptosis from triggering and allows them to constantly proliferate further desite this. 

-Schrodinger's cat (in this case, 'kiss'): A famous thought experiment from quantum mechanics regarding state of matter and how sure you can be of the exact state of a particle until it is observed. In it, a cat is in a box along with a weak radioactive material that, over a certain period of time, has exactly a 50% chance of degrading and causing the cat to (indirectly) die from a killswitch that is activated by the consequential radiation (or live, by lack of it). This thought experiment admits that while you cannot be sure of the state of the cat (living or dead) until you observe it, it still realistically has to be either alive or dead and cannot be both at once. It was proprosed by Schrodinger as a protest against the idea of particle superposition, in which a particle could have many states of being at the exact same time until someone saw them, which would cause it to pick a state and spontaneously abandon the others, which he argued was impossible. 

Right, chapter commentary: 

So, R.I.P. SERN. You were an interesting villain until logic came for you. Did they get burned enough? And Poll time: who got burned harder; SERN or Okabe?

Anyway, long chapters are long. Let’s call this a double chapter and give me a few days off, maybe? I’m actually somewhat wondering where the reader would have cut this chapter in half, if they had to. Any suggestions?

The main theme of this chapter was overcoming fear. Originally none of this would have been in the story at all, but I did feel it was important to touch on at least some of these points. And when you’re more or less an improvisational writer like me, and my brain keeps feeding me more ideas to put in, you’re suddenly at 14 k words and not at the natural cut-off yet. Whoops.

I kind of had to write the chapter from Okabe’s perspective, since it required his P.O.V. and knowledge to work. Limbic System and Frontal Lobe will be back in part 2 of the walk, so don’t worry! They actually have a couple of cameo’s even here if you look carefully. I hope Okabe’s theatricality was sufficient to make up for their loss.

Some things earlier in the chapter are based on assumptions from how Okabe would act in a normal situation following all the trauma he’s been through. I don’t think it was that far-fetched to have him be overly alert to potential danger, and to assume he’d have become very good at escaping from potential pursuers in Akihabara. Did you, as the reader, feel he was believable and/or felt like himself?

On Okabe, he actually uses a few techniques here from cognitive behavioral therapy, which is based on challenging ‘abnormal’ thoughts/cognitions regarding patients themselves or their environment. Of course, he wouldn’t know this in-character, but it might be interesting to look into yourself if you’re interested. It’s a common treatment technique in psychiatry. Of course, his approach is rather unorthodox but it’s more fun this way, right?

Regarding the flow of this chapter, I don’t like it quite as much as the first two chapters, but it was the best I could come up with for now. It’s probably an artefact from an earlier version where Okabe was Kyouma much longer, but he ended up being more of an actual asshole than I’d have liked up to the point where it no longer seemed to fit his growth as a character, even if that did bring a bit more dramatic tension. So then I went back to an earlier point and had him talk to Kurisu about Mayuri, and then things went on from there. I guess it is realistic to some degree, as sometimes things can happen in real life that just throw off your gameplan, in this case Kurisu being afraid and therefore initiating physical contact. Just like Okabe starts on the right path concerning SERN’s weaknesses twice but then gets derailed the first time.

Oh, and regarding the route of their walk, I found this map of Akihabara made by an anime fan on Google, which contains waypoints that say where the real life equivalents of Steins Gate actually are:

Https://www.google.com/maps/d/viewer?msa=0&mid=1PpebrIKsZ9cXi-nICFnGKxRxMic&ll=35.70146600000004%2C139.77249099999995&z=18

Apparently, Faris’ café is almost right next door to the future gadget lab. That felt a bit strange to me, since I believe it’s implied at a number of times during the story that there’s a significant distance between the FGL and Mayqueen NyanNyan. I believe Okabe even states somewhere that it’s a 30 minute walk… so I had them walk into the center of Akihabara from the east, following what I assumed was the main road.

Well, I could go on and stuff but I’ll leave it at this for now :)

I’ll try to answer each comment or question as always.

Until next time!

 

 

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter introduction:**

Hey everyone, and welcome to chapter 4 of this story! First, a major thanks again to everyone for the various methods of support for the last chapter. Special thanks go to a lot of people, including Croeses and Amaryllis for being the ones to originally share their thoughts on chapter 3 here, everyone from fanfiction.net who did likewise by reviewing and everyone from the Reddit thread for sharing their thoughts and feedback there. Another special thanks to AX3M for helping me with some of the mechanics of Reading Steiner and Defenitelynotapuppet for sharing some philosophical insight regarding an important idea I had in relation to this story.

This chapter took a little longer to put out than I’d have liked, which was in part due to me having to take care of a newborn baby over the past weekend + Friday. Going into it, I was like: Whelp, how hard and time consuming could this possibly be? I’ll just take the script with me and work out the final things somewhere during this adventure.

…Yeah, I didn’t type a single word. I did want to post this now for those that were waiting for it, and it may not be polished as well as it could be. I’ll get around to that somewhere tomorrow and update it as I go.

Anyways, enjoy!

 

* * *

 

 

“Of course, if you’d been paying more attention, then you’d have known for sure,” she said. “It’s not my fault that the great Hououin Kyouma, ‘greatest insane mad scientist of this age, with an IQ to rival the likes of Newton and Einstein’, was just misled by the  _oldest and most basic trick in the book_.”

Her words heralded a silence that hung between them in this otherwise abandoned alley.

During it, Okabe gaped at her like a fish, which was a supremely comical sight. It even further reinforced her smug feeling of victory. There was something incredibly satisfying about the fact that he could be brought low _that_ easily, even though he supposedly had MONTHS of experience in dealing with her while she had less than a day in dealing with him.

Inwardly, Limbic System was still sighing. _‘A Schrödinger’s kiss’? Really?? I am cringing! I am cringing SO HARD right now!’_

 _“You didn’t like it? I thought it was pretty classy,”_ Kurisu reasoned.

_‘Classy for an emergency half-measure, maybe. How many more perfect opportunities to actually, properly kiss this guy are we going to let by before we finally do it? Do you want me to write you a step-by-step instruction manual!?’_

Trust her brain to come up with the uncomfortable questions. This had been terrifying enough on its own, however. Even if it hadn’t actually been the full thing, that was still the first kiss she’d ever given a guy, other than the ones she’d given her father when she’d been a child.

Of course, it would be cruel to leave it at this. That burn had been soulrendingly savage and probably not entirely deserved, considering all the trouble he’d been through for both their sakes. 

Thus, it was up to her to reboot Okabe.exe.

“Well? Don’t you have anything to say for yourself? I’d have expected much better from an observer, honestly,” she challenged.

To his credit, that was enough to snap him out of his daze. “Hah! You underestimate me, assistant. Let me tell you all about my finely honed skills of stealth and perception…”

He offered her his arm.

That gave her pause.

Last time, she’d taken it because she’d been afraid.

This time, with the plethora of positive emotions currently running through her, she didn’t have that excuse.

Taking it now felt like deliberately crossing some invisible line into unknown territory, where they maybe were and maybe weren’t a thing.

Like they were on an _actual_ first date with the outcome still unsure.

That prospect was as exciting as it was terrifying. She wasn’t prepared, probably had looked better on any number of occasions and definitely shouldn’t have seriously considered it so soon.

But he’d called her an assistant. There was no way she could just let that go!

So she took it.

The game was on, as they said!

“Finely honed skills of stealth, by walking around in the open in a labcoat? I’d say you don’t exactly blend in with the crowd,” she countered, following him back to more civilized roadways.

He was completely unfazed. “You underestimate me, dear Christina! It is exactly BECAUSE I don’t hide myself that it deceives the world so well. No one would suspect the insane mad scientist, Hououin Kyouma, with an IQ to rival all the great geniuses in history, to actually dress like himself. Such a rookie mistake would be far beneath his actual intelligence, making me the obvious body double to be left alone. Truly, my genius knows no bounds!”

Wow. His ego had apparently grown past even Einstein and Newton. And following _that_ , no less. The evidence for a masochistic side to him just kept on getting better and better.

“Spoken like a truly delusional chuunibyou, lol,” she said, amused. “And if that were actually true, didn’t you just give away your genius plan by shouting it out to the world?”

“As if they’d believe a body double like myself!” he snorted, obviously beyond caring about passersby. “I’ll have you know this infallible principle of camouflage has been tested time and time again by the legendary Snake in the Metal Gear Fluid series, upon which the design of the critically important Moad Snake gadget was based. Such a world famous spy runs around in a cardboard box and _always_ gets away with it. It’s a level of bamboozling that is thus confirmed to be beyond mere mortal comprehension!”

She rolled her eyes. “Ah, so now we’re bringing video game logic into this, are we? That’s some next-level play, I’ll admit. Validating your chuunibyou fantasies by wrapping them _inside_ _another_ layer of chuunibyou fantasies? Genius! My mind is well and truly blown, Kyouma-san.”

“I’m glad you agree, assistant!’ he nodded, smirking at her. “Though it pains me to admit you might be biased. After all, it’s only natural of you to want to admire me, your supervisor. This doubtlessly compromises your abilities of critical thinking.”

“Really? I’d say those are working just fine, since I’m currently rethinking my choice of being here very critically. _Again_ , I might add.”

“A shame, though an acceptable sacrifice, since it has reached the intended goal.”

“Which is what; making yourself look like an idiot?” she asked. “I believe we’ve already established that on any number of occasions.”

“Actually, it was making you smile.”

And suddenly he was back to being his sincere, nice self.

It wasn’t fair how he could do that: it left her defenseless and distinctly felt like cheating.

“I-I’m not smiling!”

It was a hopeless lie.

She tried to hide it by looking away, glancing at him from the corner of her field of vision.

The warmth practically radiated from his face.

It did all sorts of things to her that were REALLY distracting and threw her off in many different ways.

Gah! ALL of this was his fault. If he hadn’t been so… so… _whatever_ he’d been, her Alpha Wordline counterpart wouldn’t have fallen for him, and she wouldn’t have had these mushy thoughts at all!

…That _totally_ wasn’t a tsundere thing to say.

But hold on - weren’t they technically the same person, separated only by two months of memories? So… wasn’t it natural that she’d eventually fall for him too?

She could _feel_ Limbic System grinning the most shit-eating grin _ever_ somewhere in the folds of her cerebrum.

She needed to get her act back together, _and_ _fast_.

Outwardly, she straightened and did her very best at appearing calm.

Inwardly, she was trying her very best to exert inhibitory control on her sympathetic nervous system. Hopefully that would get her heartrate back to less than a thousand a minute and would stop the feeling of butterflies in her stomach, which she knew was just another effect of adrenaline. Said hormone caused a systemic reshuffling of blood throughout the body away from, among others, the stomach and towards more ‘useful’ muscles, in an effort to make her more capable of responding to danger. Since it also made a person more aware of the environment and of his or her own body, the effect of noticing something was ‘wrong’ with your stomach was even more pressing. It was an evolutionary leftover linked to the fight-or-flight response that in modern society now triggered more often to less dangerous forms of perceived stress, such as job interviews, presentations…

…and potential love interests.

That last one was the crux of the problem, the thing that made it all impossible to just ignore or rationalize away as a coincidence from having been stressed out in general.

Then again, she already knew that. Her behavior HAD been off from the start of this. The problem was if these feelings were artificial or her own, and to what degree she could accept artificial ones.

Was that really such a bad thing, though? Even if they were artificial to the current her, they had supposedly been real to the alternative version of her.

She could tell that by the way Okabe spoke and acted that he actually loved her. From the way that he’d held her to the fact that, despite everything he’d been through, he WOULD go back again in time for her sake, if he had to, that spoke volumes. And wasn’t he going through more or less the same as her? The memories he had of a previous version of her were definitely affecting his behavior, and he didn’t care. Unlike her, he apparently saw no problems with giving in.

It made her feel a bit guilty, to not be able to just immediately and fully reciprocate in kind. On the other hand, wasn’t that a common thing? In which a guy told a girl he liked her and she wasn’t sure she liked him back?

If only it were that easy and time travel wasn’t involved.

Still, was that guilt contributing to pushing her out of her comfort zone? The feeling of excitement itself was… nice, she supposed, and it was also another distraction she could use.

On the other hand, it was also a bit frightening. Had she been just a bit too willing to kiss him _this_ soon, especially considering how nervous she’d recently been? Things were moving along a lot quicker than she should probably feel comfortable with.

Wasn’t she supposed to be the break in this… whatever they had, rather than the gas? _Was_ there even a break, and if so, did she have _any_ control over it? So far, that seemed to consist sorely of Okabe’s sense of decency and nerves. If he got over that…

She swallowed the resulting thoughts and images away.

 _She_ had been the one to initiate most of the physical contact up until now, hadn’t she? AND she’d been the one to one-sidedly kiss him. Looking at it objectively, at least that latter one had been a very rash action to take. It had been a spur of the moment thing sprung from gratitude for legitimately making her feel more at ease, which she’d admittedly spent almost the entirety of the last two months searching for.

Rashness was still probably a bit unlike her. He’d even said something similar himself, some minutes ago, concerning a different topic.

…Or was it? She did have a certain impulsiveness that sometimes offset her normally more calm and plan-like modus.

…Right?

The fact that she wasn’t even sure anymore probably said it all.

Sigh. Her thoughts were a mess, distinctly less coherent than usual. Was she going around in circles?

It was one thing to be aware of that you weren’t really thinking like yourself, but still able to do something about it. But what if she lost that bit of control?

In the end, it all led back to the Alpha worldline problem. How far gone was she? To know that, she’d have to figure out to which degree her actions were still really her own and how much of those were influenced by a phantom version of herself from an alternate timeline.  

Was there any way to really achieve that?

Could logic and science help her out here?

Hm. Maybe?

She dug up pages upon pages of mental textbook material and articles. Not all of those had a high impact factor and some of it was fringe-sciency, but hey, she was scrambling here. It wasn’t like she researched this kind of thing all the time, no matter what her version of Amadeus was strangely fixated on.

Being a neuroscientist, she did know a bit about neurotransmitters and hormones, which were regulated by homeostatic control mechanisms in the brain. On a chemical level, ‘falling for someone’ was proposed to be regulated roughly in three different phases: Initial desire, attraction and attachment, and each of those phases were said to be predominantly effected by different types of those.

It seemed likely she would logically be _at most_ in the second phase, while the her from the Alpha worldline, who had spent much more time with him, might be in the third. Maybe she could differentiate how far along they were by the effects of those she had already noticed?

Initial desire, sometimes also described as lust, was theorized to stem from testosterone and estrogen; the sex hormones that regulated gender maturation and reproduction. Those had a few other long term systemic effects such as preservation of bone mass and regulation of cholesterol, but those didn’t really help her here. She was interested in the behavioral effect of those on women, and though still a subject of debate, there was a tentative consensus that it included things like more provocative behavior such as open flirting with and fantasizing about the guy who'd managed to draw your attention.

Well… check and check. There was no real denying she’d been thinking about dressing him up less than two hours after meeting him, and that had been one of the more _innocent_ thoughts. And at least some of her recent behavior couldn’t be anything other than flirting.

Okay then, lust confirmed.

Joy.

No real surprises there, though.

Next up, attraction. That one was expressed by the hormone of adrenaline, and the maybe hormones, maybe neurotransmitters (definition issues for the win) of serotonin and dopamine.

She’d already concluded there was a lot of adrenaline going around, and that had even been ignoring the dry mouth she was currently having. Or the way she was overly alert of everything, such as the way the light seemed to play of his eyes to give it a twinkle.

Second, dopamine. Also known as the pleasure or ‘feel good’ hormone. It was the brain’s way of trying to establish a link between doing something or *cough* someone *cough* and finding it pleasurable, by making you feel good you for doing it. In her case ‘Dem Hugz’ had pretty much said enough, though the teasing and the one sided kiss had also been nice.

…As had been holding onto him when she’d been afraid…

…And she did kind of like their banter…

She sighed. Pretty much all of this had ‘Dopamine Cloud’ written all over it. It was probably a miracle she could think even remotely straight.   

Maybe she could stop at serotonin, then? That one was said to incite obsessive thoughts and behavior, so much so it overrode logical behavior.

…

Okay, never mind; she could stop right there. Three times ‘check’ it was.

 _How_ obsessive though? Eh, something among the line of sticking around for two whole months in a different country while quite possibly depressed and suffering from PTSD-like symptoms, JUST to find him, would _probably_ qualify. That was supposedly in line with the level of creepiness that teenage girls apparently found attractive in novels nowadays, if it was a guy doing it in their Mary Sue self-insert story.

_‘Hm, what was the relevant creepy quote here? Was it “I enjoy watching you sleep, Bella, and I’ve been secretly doing it for months,” or something among those lines?’_

_“P-Please don’t ever mention ‘that’ again. There are limits to the virtues of curiosity, and the ONLY reason I ever read that was to get a baseline measurement for me compared to girls of my age. I STILL wish I could have taken those two hours of my life back. It was like watching a disaster so horrible that I just couldn’t look away until I finished it…”_

She shuddered that particular horror out of her working memory and returned to the task at hand.

…What was she thinking about, again?

Oh, right, the final phase of forming a relationship. That was attachment, regulated by supposedly vasopressin and oxytocin. The first one of those was said to promote loyalty towards your partner, which kind of blended into the previous point, while the latter was also known as the hugging hormone. The behavioral effects of that last one were giving your partner an inordinate amount of trust.

…Such as when he told you the craziest story ever in which he’d also actually killed you at least once, but you still loved him.

…And that totally wasn’t creepy by itself.

Aaaaaand that was the third strike.

It was official: she was doomed.

 _‘+1 on that,’_ Limbic System replied. _‘Remind me again why exactly you keep holding back? The evidence so far seems pretty damning to me and that’s not even really my thing.’_

_“You know why: it’s because there’s a huge difference between what we know of each other, and because I haven’t figured out yet why exactly my previous self had fallen for him. As it stands, I’m not comfortable with all this. We wouldn’t go into this as equals.”_

_‘Honestly, that sounds a bit flimsy to me. Aren’t you just scared of something new? All this angst and overly obsessive thinking can probably be worked away in just two seconds if the two of you just got over your fear and actually acted on your *confirmed* mutual feelings. Go any longer and we could write a similarly trashy young adult novel about it. Actually, speaking of him, shouldn’t you be paying more attention to what he’s saying?’_

Kurisu blinked.

Okabe was indeed talking again, though it only took her a second to determine it was just another monologue about how awesome Hououin Kyouma was.

She decided to filter it out for now and just give a few noncommittal gestures, so she could finish restoring some internal order first.

 _“And risk it derailing almost immediately, possibly dooming it forever?”_ she resumed. _“Just leave the thinking to me, please. And speaking of thinking, how is Frontal Lobe?”_

Her emotional center hesitated, which probably should have told her enough. _‘Er… technically it’s an improvement…’_

Somewhere from the depths of her mind spawned a crazed voice, shouting in agony. _Absolute_ desperation was its every syllable. _‘LOGIC, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE!? Come back to me! COME BACK! Without you, there’s no light at the end of this dark, DARK tunnel! I’ll be a good girl! I PROMISE!’_

_“You call THAT an improvement?”_

_‘Hey, I’m doing the best I can! Right, Fronty?’_

_‘Limbic…? I can’t… visions of the world being taken over by idiots… does that mean the rest of the world is even dumber? Was Einstein right when he said human stupidity is truly infinite…? Then what point is there to being a scientist…? We’re just wasting our time trying to enlighten mankind, aren’t we? Maybe we should go binge-watch Fifty Shades of Clay so what’s left of me can die, and you two can pretend to fit in with the rest of humanity…’_

Of course, the mere mention of that horrible prospect was too much for either of them take.

Limbic system acted first. _‘Ok, that’s enough! Normally I’d have slapped you out of it, Frontal, but I obviously lack appendages. Please forgive me for what I’m about to do!’_

Kurisu blinked; that sounded pretty vicious. _“Wait, what are you-“_

Too late.

_‘ONE PLUS ONE EQUALS NINE!’_

_‘NO IT DOESN’T!’_

_‘There we go, back to normal!’_ Limbic System triumphantly declared.

_‘……I hate you.’_

_‘Case in point.’_

She could imagine her center of reasoning groan in a combination of lingering intellectual pain and humiliation. _‘Fine… at least tell me we didn’t do something stupid while I was reeling from that horror show.’_

_‘You mean, the hilarious comedy that was SERN?’_

_‘I fail to see a difference,’_ Frontal Lobe shrugged _. ‘I still can’t believe those guys somehow actually took over the world AND captured us…’_

_‘Aw, cheer up! We sort of managed to kiss him while you were away and the result was pretty funny!’_

_‘…Figures, I’m gone for TWO MINUTES and already you jump the guy. Did I ever mention BOTH of you were hopeless?’_

Hopeless? She could well be, considering she’d just essentially confirmed that her body was in love on a biological level that was disproportionately strong to the amount of time they’d spent together. Essentially, it was leaning more towards Alpha worldline Kurisu’s than her own. The analogy with mind control wasn’t a bad one, and even though the one doing it to her was technically she herself didn’t make it any less unsettling.

She suddenly had a mental image of being a boxer in a ring who was being double teamed by all seven of the aforementioned hormones at once.

It wasn’t pretty.

Okay… maybe she should try to look at the situation objectively. Was it really that strange for _her_ to be the one on the ‘offense’, regardless of the extent of Alpha wordline Kurisu’s actual influence? If it wasn’t, then there was no point to worrying, was there?

That sounded flimsy even to herself, but okay.

So, how often did you run into the guy of which you actually knew you’d picked him in an alternate universe? Had anyone else ever been in that position? In such a situation, wasn’t it natural to wonder why the alternate version of herself had picked HIM, exactly? What had made him special? Was it wrong to want to experiment a bit and see how he was, how he’d react to certain things, if only just to know?

Well, she _did_ feel like she had a better read on him now, tentative as the conclusions were.

He could be caring, perhaps even overprotective, demonstrated by, among others, how he’d kept inserting himself between her and the traffic or the alleys they passed, constantly on the lookout for danger, in addition to his earlier feelings of guilt. There was also the thing that his future self had supposedly spent _fifteen_ years of his life trying to save her, AFTER that version of her had died.

…She’d just choose to interpret that last bit as him being fiercely, endearingly loyal rather than creepily obsessed. It had been about saving the world too, after all. It _totally_ wasn’t on the ‘watching you sleep’ level.  

Okabe could also be funny, proven by his theatrics. He could be challenging (she suspected he’d let her win the most recent arguments), and he was _at least_ decently intelligent. If he’d managed to build an actual time machine in the future, even if he’d only been part of a team doing so, that made him supposedly brilliant.

And all that was aside from his looks, which were obviously fine.

…More than fine, actually.

Of course, he had faults too. He could be childish, annoying and a bit of a pervert.

But it had still been enough to make her curious for more.

The fact that she’d wanted a distraction from the darker thoughts surrounding SERN had probably played into it too.

And his consequential reactions to even the slightest bit of teasing had been priceless.

And from there she’d started to seriously wonder… what had the two of them done together in the Alpha wordline? What had led up to that kiss? How had it gone? How had it felt? Had it been wrong to consequently feel a bit left-out; to know that her alternate self had already had her first kiss, but that she hadn’t?

Part of her had been hoping that doing it would also trigger another part of her lost memory, though yet another part of her felt that had been just a hollow excuse to go along with it. Unfortunately, it hadn’t helped. Aside from her own feelings, all that came was a vague note of sadness. She wasn’t sure if that had been an _actual_ phantom sentiment or just a bit of disappointment on her own end in not receiving anything clearer.

…Or was that sadness more of herself being disappointed at not having gone all the way? Maybe she _should_ have given him more of an opportunity to come back after the trick? Would he have taken the hint and actually done it, if her nerves hadn’t given out? What would it have been like, to take his face in her hands and-

…Anyway, she just hoped her alternate self hadn’t been so _extremely_ disappointed in his *ahem* performance back then that all she really felt was _actual_ sadness; that he hadn’t just completely and utterly failed to meet up to any of her expectations.

Speaking of expectations…

She had been thinking about whether or not her behavior had been appropriate mostly concerning herself, but was it appropriate towards _him_?

Had it been too forward for her to do any of this? To kiss him this soon?

Did her behavior make her out to be overly clingy, pushy or desperate?

Shouldn’t she have left something _this_ significant to him, being the guy? Or was that a more old-fashioned sentiment?

What was the ratio of girls taking initiative compared to boys nowadays?

Was there even a reliable statistic for such a thing?

And had that jab against him at the end crossed some line from playfulness to actually mean? Should she apologize for it, or would that detract from the experience and make her look weak?

Argh. Romance was complicated.

Romance when mind-controlled was even more complicated.

Their Facebook status towards each should probably be the ‘it’s complicated’ version of ‘it’s complicated’. Had there ever been a relationship in which one of those involved had been legitimately, definitively dead, but no longer was? And that was just *one* unique, strange aspect concerning them as a potential couple…

She inwardly sighed. It was so much easier when it came to anime, when she could just sit back on the couch with a cup of salt-flavored noodles, ship whoever she wanted as her head canon and know everything would just work itself out.  

 _‘You know, I only just joined this wreckage of a thought train, but how long have we been wasting time, thinking about all this?’_ Frontal Lobe wondered.

Too long, apparently.

“Kurisu?”

It was only when she suddenly jerked backwards that she realized he’d stopped moving. Linked up like this, that simulated the experience of suddenly trying to drag along a concrete wall. The sudden change in vector and her none too graceful attempt at reflexively maintaining her balance forced her from her thoughts.

“Y-yes?”

There was something strange about the look he gave her. “Did you hear anything of what I just said?”

Crap.

Er, maybe she could bluff her way out of that?

“A-ah, of course!”

He only frowned. “Really?”

“Um… sure! What makes you think otherwise?”

“Well, I just asked you to marry me and you casually said ‘yes’.”

!!!

Words failed.

“I thought that was a dead giveaway,” he went on. “But if you _were_ paying attention, then I guess you were actually serious! I should probably go ahead and tell my parents the good news…”

His hand reached for the phone in his pocket.

Her first instinct was to lunge for it.

Then her cognitions kicked in and she realized he was just teasing her.

She sighed. “Try it. First, I’ll be gone. Second, if my mom finds out you even joked about this, she’ll kill you.”

“…It should probably worry me that I can’t tell if you’re serious.”

To be fair, she couldn’t really blame him for that; her dad _had_ stabbed him. That wasn’t exactly the best ‘welcome to the family’ present.

“Then you’ve obviously never met my mother,” she said, forcing herself to stay in the present.

“No. That _does_ make me curious, though,” he admitted.

“Be careful what you wish for, my chuunibyou idiot,” she replied, shaking her head. “Mom won’t be even _remotely_ as forgiving for those antics of yours as I am, even if you might think otherwise.”

“I’m sorry, but ’forgiving for my antics’? The same ones that constantly amuse you? I’d say it’s more likely my assistant secretly has a weakness for Chuunibyou’s like myself and just can’t get enough of it.”

_That smirk._

Argh.

”Hah! You _wish_. It will take a lot more than spouting some random crap to win over this 4channeler’s ice-cold heart,” she countered, nudging him back into pace.

He let her take him along. Not quietly, though. Of course not. “Progress! First you agree you’re my assistant, and now you spontaneously admit to being an 4channeler! Truly this is an undeniable landmark of your affection for me. Tell me more of your secrets, Christina!”

“Geez. Look at this idiot… Could you perhaps not shout that out for the world to hear? Oh, and for the record, I’m STILL not your assistant.”

He nodded. “You’re right, of course.”

The world stopped.

 _‘OH GOD IT’S THE APOCOLYPSE! DUCK FOR COVER!’_ Limbic System shouted, panicking.

 _‘I… did he really just say that? I just- how- but- why-_ ‘

It took her a full five seconds to fully digest that line. All the while she could only stare at him, dumbfounded. “Hold on - I’m not sure I heard that correctly. Did you just, FINALLY, admit it? Actually, did you just _both_ admit I was right AND drop the assistant thing? To what do I owe this _glorious_ occasion? And _don’t_ say this is your idea of an engagement gift, if you know what’s good for you.”

“But of course! Let the great Hououin Kyouma elaborate…”

It was probably a good thing _she_ watched where they were going, because he obviously didn’t. Closing his eyes _did_ add to the smugness factor, but also to his chances of throwing himself under the bus. Literally, in this case.

“You’re not my assistant… anymore,” he went on, oblivious. “I’d say it’s time for you to pass your test of insanity and join me as a full-fledged mad scientist, to be the only peer the great Hououin Kyouma has ever known. Wouldn’t you say I trained you enough?”

She groaned. “What is this training you speak of and in what strange, twisted, _desperate_ worldline did it occur? And what makes you think I even want to _be_ a mad scientist?”

“I recall you being unable to contain your curiosity at eating a green-glowing, jellified banana. Admit it - you’re reckless like me and crave it, the mystery, the suspense, the thrill of leaving mundane experiments for what little science is truly exciting; a realm limited only by your imagination and unbound by any laws of ethics!”

Huh, that didn’t sound so – wait, she’d done _what_!?

“So join me, Christina, and we will… hmm… have a lot of fun together?” he said, not giving her time to digest that.

She shook her head in disbelief. “You know, you should probably practice that sales pitch a bit more. But okay, so it’s basically ‘join the dark side, we have cookies’, huh? I’m probably going to regret asking this, but let’s assume the _extremely_ hypothetical scenario in which I *might* be interested. What‘s this test you spoke of?”

“It is, of course, your own unique mad scientist laugh and pose! Now then, Christina, show the world that you are truly beyond caring about the judgment of the unenlightened that surround us!”

“Um…”

“I sense your hesitation! Very well then, allow me to give you an example. I will just position myself under the light of this lantern pole here let it lose for the world to see and hear!”

He assumed a ridiculous kung-fu pose and took a deep breath. “People of Akihabara, hear the voice of the great mad scientist, Hououin Kyouma! Know that I will never bow to god nor fate! MUAHAHAHAHAHA!”

…She didn’t really know what to say.

Neither did pretty much all the traffic in the immediate vicinity, nor any of the restauranteurs or passersby, more than a few of which were staring at him.

There was a communal embarrassed silence in which she imagined a few balls of yarn were floating by in the background.

Well, at least _she_ had a saving grace. She could just pretend not to know him and-

“Now then, your turn, Christina!”

She only _just_ had time to see the gleeful look on his face before he was on her.

They were already moving before she fully realized what was going to happen.

She started up the motoric counter response, but it was too late.

He spun her around, leaving her in a mockery of his previous pose, then immediately stood back to back with her. “And for our English-speaking guests: WE ARE MAD SCIENTIST. SO AMAZING, BITCH! ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US! GG, NO RE. MUAHAHAHAHA!”

She froze at the realization of what this had to look like; some childish duo doing overly dramatic anime poses together in the open, lighted in some stage-like manner by the lantern pole overhead.

…While disturbing as much public order as possible, of course.

She should have moved, ran, hit Okabe or done something similar. But reflexive shame kept her cowering in place.

By now, EVERYONE in the vicinity was looking. Rows upon rows of eyes were watching them questioningly, some people frozen midway through the movement of bringing their chopsticks to their mouths.

Her scientific credibility was getting further obliterated by each passing second. She desperately searched for some way to rectify this situation and came up blank.

She was blushing now. Deeply so, probably. And that only reinforced the paralyzing fear.

All that came from her mouth came some whimpering noises.

She wanted the ground to swallow her whole.

It wasn’t that kind.

Somewhere in the back of her mind lingered a faint deja-vu of having done something similar once, but she was too far gone to pay it any attention.

_“Move…! Move!”_

But her body wouldn’t move.

_It couldn’t, because too much had happened._

_It was frozen in a combination of pain and terror._

_Her father had tried to kill her._

_Then the man still in the room had attacked her._

_The scent of his blood was everywhere._

_Any moment now, she was going to die, shot by the woman also in the room._

_If they didn’t rape and/or torture her first, that was._

_Her mind was numb. The only coherent thoughts were ‘Why?’ and ‘What did I do the deserved this?’_

_She’d never done anything wrong._

_She felt helpless, ashamed._

_Why her?_

_She wanted to cry._

_But she was too afraid._

_That only increased her panic, which made her even more afraid._

_She knew she had to move. It was her only possible chance of surviving this now._

_But she couldn’t do it._

_Was she really that weak?_

_The remnant of her that wasn’t completely numb was angry; both at herself and her attackers._

And that remnant of anger _finally_ broke through the shame and snapped her out of it.

The _second_ she regained control of her body, she whirled around and DRAGGED Okabe with her to the very first turn of the street.

He didn’t go quietly. AGAIN. “Apologies, dear citizens! I was just helping my fellow actress get over her stage fright! She’s just shy like that! Please resume your dinners and have a nice evening!”

She felt him make some apologetic gestures as they went, and some hesitant laughter followed them all the way out of sight.

She didn’t even remotely care when she finally faced him down.

Two different kinds of anger went through her at once; the superficial one, and the traumatic, deeper one.

It was only by supreme will, backed up by a constant mantra of it all having been done for her sake, that she managed to not sink too deep into the latter one.

“What the _hell_ was that about!?” she demanded.

“What do you mean?” he casually asked.

“You know what I’m talking about, Okabe! What could make you do such a thing!?”

“Oh? You mean you’re angry about someone taking advantage of your trust and tricking you into something WAY out of your comfort zone? Such a devilish ploy! Surely YOU would never do something similar, _right_?”

…Really? THAT was the reason!?

“You realize this could be a career-ending thing for me, don’t you!? This isn’t even remotely the same thing!”

He blinked. “Career-ending? What are you talking about?”

“If Viktor Chondria gets a hold of a photo of that, then…!”

“What; are you worried this will ruin your pristine image as a scientist? And you think a picture of you kissing me wouldn’t do the exact same thing?”

“That was in a secluded area!” she argued, “while this was out in the open!”

He only smiled. “So you admit it, then? And that aside, are you claiming no one seeing us would make the breach of trust itself less bad?”

Anger warped into rage.

The lingering sentiment from Radi-kan wanted to lash out at her then attacker – him.

She was _THIS_ close to doing it.

He must have seen it was derailing. “Kurisu, calm down – you’re worrying too much,” he said, quickly dropping his act. “They’d never want to lose someone as talented as you. Also, that was like a twenty second thing at most. I’m sure everyone was too stunned to even think about taking a picture, and even if they did, would they recognize you? Even in the worst case scenario, what’s Viktor Chondria going to do; blame you for having a bit of fun outside the university? And pretty much everyone could see that I clearly forced you into that, so it’s not even your fault.”

Rage and forgiveness battled each other with logic trying to play mediator.

She was still ready to strike.

He sighed, obviously noticing. “Okay, look, I’m sorry. I thought it was funny but maybe I miscalculated. Can we let this go?”

He seemed genuinely apologetic.

_“Is that an act?”_

The thought came instantly, so fast and natural that she almost didn’t question it.

But… would he have known this would take her back to that day? Was this really an intentional attempt to hurt her?

…How could she seriously be asking herself that after everything he’d done?

That had to be the trauma interfering with her reasoning; the panic and anger of that moment coming through.

It hadn’t been only her that had gotten hurt there: the same was true for him. Would he really try to take both of them back there for something _that_ petty? Hadn’t she deduced earlier that he was overly caring of others?

It was much more likely it was just a prank gone wrong. And hadn’t she made a similar mistake just a minute ago? Saying her mom would kill him when her father had ACTUALLY almost done that was in very bad taste, at least. But Okabe had been able to take that in stride. Didn’t she owe him the same lenience? They could try to get closer to each other without triggering the minefield that was Radi-Kan, but there were inevitably going to be mistakes along the way.

Maybe… maybe they could talk about this sometime, or even visit it together. Maybe he could help her get over it like he’d been able to with SERN, and maybe she could help him in some way in return.

He’d said they were a team, weren’t they?

She liked to think that was true.

So she waited until what remained of the panic and anger drained out and took another look at his ‘prank’.

 _Was_ it funny? Was she being a bad sport? Well, he _had_ gotten her good there, she supposed, just like she’d gotten him not too long ago. And it _was_ kind of her fault for allowing herself to be set up like that. That meme-filled Engrish line would probably have been hilarious to her if she’d been a bystander. Plus he’d made a fool out of himself as well.

But did he really have get back at her in such a public and dramatic manner?

…Also, his English was _horrible_ , generously speaking. They’d have to work on that, sometime.

She let out a long, pained sigh. “I still feel violated in public. That actually reminds me of our meeting in the Alpha worldline, which probably says a lot about how messed-up our relationship is. That we somehow still ended up like this is like a social miracle.”

“So… does that mean you forgive me?” he asked, unsure.

“Just… don’t put me on the spot like that again, please. I was ashamed to death and that shame reminded me of my almost-death.”

“O-oh. That obviously wasn’t the intent,” he replied. “And… in case it matters to you, I’m fine with you being my assistant. That’s kind of our thing, anyway. We’ll just take things slowly and-“

He suddenly stopped. The look he gave her changed; there was a hint of sudden panic there.

She knew he’d come to the issue she hadn’t wanted him to. It had been playing in the back of her own mind, something she’d deliberately ignored to not complicate things even more.

But it had only been a matter of time before it would have to be addressed. And with the topics of time and the university back home being addressed in close order…  

“Kurisu, when do you have to leave?” he asked.

“…The sunday after tomorrow,” she replied. There was no point in lying or stalling.

“In just seven days!?”

“Well it’s not like I can stay any longer!” she answered, annoyed. “I have a job, Okabe! I was supposed to be back weeks ago. I’m pretty sure the only reason they even let me stay this long was because they felt sorry for what happened at Radi-Kan.”

“A-ah… I see,” he replied, calming down. “I just… wished you could have been here longer. It feels bittersweet that I found you only to know you have to leave so soon.”

He looked crestfallen, like a puppy that had just been kicked by its master.

It hit her right in the feels. “…If it makes you feel better, this was actually all the vacation I had left this year,” she replied in a much kinder tone. “Technically we have around 10 weeks, but it’s an unwritten rule between the staff that we only use a fraction of that. It’s the price we pay for being part of cutting-edge research. Looking at it objectively, my behavior towards Viktor Chondria lately will probably be seen as out-of-line.”

She wasn’t entirely sure why she told him all that. It felt a bit empty, even to her.

“…Then I guess we’ll just have to make the best of the time we have,” he replied, trying to smile.

“Yeah…”

She met his somewhat sad look, feeling strangely melancholic.

As the silence stretched, the situation started to feel so melodramatic that she had to chuckle. “Oh, come on. We both knew this was coming. Anything between us would eventually have to be a long-distance relationship. We might as well discuss that now. Is it too much of an issue for you?”

Part of her hoped he’d say no. But if it was, then it was an understandable reason that allowed them to break this off with no hard feelings.

…Right?

It was like stepping out for someone else, which felt weird. Hadn’t she already done that, once?

He shook his head. “No, that’s not a problem, obviously…”

“…But?” she asked, somewhat relieved.

He didn’t answer, but there was regret written all over him.

“Really? Did you expect me to just leave everything behind for you?” she asked.

She wasn’t entirely sure if it was touching or insulting. Would he have done it for her, if their positions had been reversed?

“That’s not it, at least not entirely,” he replied, surprising her. “It’s just…”

He looked her directly in the eyes. “Does it make you happy, working at Viktor Chondria?”

She blinked.

“I don’t mind if you want to go back,” he went on. “But from what you’ve told me in the Alpha worldline, I had the impression that you were really lonely there. It didn’t seem like such a friendly place. And if you were doing it mainly for Nakabachi… do you really _still_ want to continue down that path?”

Did she?

She had thought about it often, after her dad had tried to kill her.

What was the ultimate goal now? There was no reconciling her family anymore. So what use was the tool she’d used for that?

Her Alpha worldline counterpart had found something here that she’d found so valuable she’d sacrificed herself for it, and with that all of her aspirations to further contribute to science. That had even been _before_ Nakabachi’s betrayal. If he’d asked that version of her, she’d logically have preferred to stay, right?

But…

She was a scientist. She knew she was talented at it, one of the very best. She already had a good career going and she was at the very top of her field. She believed her research was legitimately valuable to mankind. It was also all she really knew. What was she going to do with herself if she dropped all that?

Be a somewhat normal teenager and then follow her mother’s path?

That… seemed unlike her.

Anyway, something this serious was probably better discussed sitting down. It also gave her a bit more time to get her thoughts straight.

…And totally didn’t give her more of a chance to stall before actually visiting the lab, thereby meeting Mayuri and no doubt triggering a hurricane of Reading Steiner memories.

…Also, they _really_ needed a more scientific term for this phenomenon.

She glanced around. “Maybe we can talk over there,” she said, pointing to a nearby park to their right. She could make out the presence of a playground in the center. There were a number of trees forming a natural outline around the square containing it, giving it a bit of privacy from the outside onlookers, and a multitude of small benches on the inside of that outline.   

“…Must be the choice of Steins Gate…” Okabe mumbled upon seeing it. 

“Hm?”

“We’ve been here before, back then. But sure…”

He tried to follow her.

Keyword: ‘tried’.

She didn’t have much of a warning.

At first it looked like he just stumbled over something, but the next step had him buckling, falling to the ground.

She only JUST had the time to catch him. It took a lot of strength, considering how much bigger and heavier he was.

“Okabe!?”

“Ah, sorry...” he said, panting softly. “I just… overexerted myself… I guess.”

“Don’t scare me like that! And I demand an explanation!”

“Er… I was actually in the hospital until this morning, recovering from… well, getting stabbed.”

He had the decency to blush.

She’d still have facepalmed if she hadn’t been supporting him. “Could you maybe have told me that BEFORE I punched you!?”

“Haha. Um, don’t worry; it’s not that. I’ve… actually walked all over Akihabara today, giving everyone… their badges. I was… getting tired of being stuck inside and probably pushed my luck. I was pretty tired, even before we started all this.”

“You _really_ are an idiot, you know? When was the last time you ate something?”

He hesitated. “Um… this morning, before I was discharged from the ward. At least, I think…?”

“'You think?' I beg to differ; there's something seriously wrong with your frontal lobe! You should have AT LEAST eaten that rice omelet back in the Café!”

“After what it said? I couldn’t. That… felt disrespectful to you.”

_‘Aw, that’s sweet of him.’_

“So you get discharged after being in a hospital for _weeks_ , then decide it’s a good idea to walk a marathon all over the city district while starving?” she replied. “Wouldn’t it have been a smarter idea to just call your friends? What’s with you, really? Wanna die or something?”

“Nice tsundere line.”

“I’m not a tsundere!”

“But… you’re quoting Sugimiya…” he said, hands on his knees, slowly pushing himself back up.

Was he really that exhausted?

She tried to think back on it, going over the day’s events.

_‘Well, he did already say he was tired, back in MayQueen. He’d have been walking and then talking non-stop for hours. Maybe we’ve been so distracted by everything that we just didn’t notice the signs?’_

_“Or maybe I mistook some of his exhaustion for  signs of depression.”_

_‘Or maybe he was just keeping up an act for our sake.’_

_“Or it could be that adrenaline had kept him up while he’d perceived danger around them? And now that he claimed that he was over that…”_

It was likely at least one of those was the truth.

“So? That doesn’t mean anything!” she countered, more angry at herself for failing to notice than him.

 “Ah, you’re… probably right. I guess it’s just… nice to have you fussing over my well-being like this.”

He put himself back up, disentangling himself from her grip.

She frowned at him with obvious scepticism.

“I can keep going,” he assured. “I just-“

His knees buckled after the very first step. It was like they’d heard him speak and had instantly drawn the pope of nope on him.

She was ready, though.

“Oh no you don’t! We’re going to get you some food, first,” she insisted.

“No, that’s… not needed. The lab is just around the corner at the next crossing; I’ll get something there.”

She doubted it. But if she took a second to really think about it, what were her options, really?

She could go back to the main street and drag him into a restaurant. That would put them in the same crowd he’d just made them look like total fools to, and she wasn’t going to risk anyone recognizing her in such a context. Additionally, him stumbling around like this would cause YET ANOTHER major scene.

Ok, that was out.

Next, she could leave him behind, and get something for him herself from somewhere else nearby. That meant leaving him out of her sight. And that would mean risking he’d be gone when she came back.

…

Logically, that was the best plan. But she found she couldn’t do it. Despite everything, she was STILL afraid he’d disappear on her, or that something bad happened to him in the meantime. If someone like SERN came for him now then he couldn’t run away.

Not like she’d be able to do much in that case, but it still felt wrong to just leave him be.

In the end, she just shrugged. “Fine, whatever. But you’re _at least_ going to sit down for a moment.”

“But-“

She didn’t want to hear it. She just took his arm, draped it over her shoulder and supported him across the street, where she deposited them in the nearest unoccupied bench.

He just let her.

That felt really strange. Where was the noise? The witty retorts and theatrics? In a way, that worried her even more.

The environment was nice, at least. It was a nice summer evening, warm without the sun to make it uncomfortable. It was a fairly large playground square by Tokyo’s standards. A number of kids from varying ages were still playing at the various contraptions at the centre while a few scattered adults, most likely their parents or grandparents, watched them from the benches at the edges. They were probably on their way back home from having dinner on the main street.

More separated from the others on isolated benches were a couple of young teenagers holding hands, glancing at eachother nervously and then looking away. A somewhat older, young adult couple was also sitting alone, engaged in some pleasant conversation with each other, interrupted every now and then by them glancing at the children with a smile. She noticed the man sometimes touched the woman’s belly, which was actually be a bit rounder than suited her small frame.

Somewhere in between the age categories of those couples fell the two of them. That realisation was somehow uncomfortable.

And speaking of uncomfortable…

Okabe’s arm was still draped over her shoulder. She was actually still holding it in place as they sat there, a remnant of having supported him here.  

Her glance slid from that arm to his face, while his slid from her face to his arm.

He stiffened, already starting to pull it away, then hesitated.

What followed was an awkward silence.

His eyes told her he wasn’t sure what to do and she wasn’t sure what was appropriate, either.

It felt like a chicken contest to see which of them would admit embarrassment first and break the physical contact.

Something about that irritated her. Why did she have to defend or explain any of her actions? All of this was because of him! So if she wanted his arm around her then he’d just have to accept that, right?

Unless…

She narrowed her eyes. “Okabe. Did you _pretend_ to be weak just so we’d end up in this position?”

He sighed. “Do you… really think I’d intentionally make myself look _this_ pathetic to the girl I liked? It seems like a very poor strategy.”

“Meaning it would suit you perfectly, mister ‘I suck at strategic thinking’!” she pointed out. “And you obviously knew this was the only semi-secluded spot around. You could have easily planned this!”

“I wouldn’t do that… But… if that’s really what you think, then let go. I’m not stopping you.”

He was legitimately too tired to argue.

She couldn’t find it in herself to be mad, or pretend to be so.

So… she just accepted it and leaned into his flank.

She told herself it was the only logical thing to do.

What was the big deal, anyway? They’d done much worse than this in both worldlines, right?

…Actually, this felt much more confronting than everything else thus far. It was like openly admitting it, whatever ‘it’ was, to the rest of the world.

She immediately glanced around, just to be sure no one was going to respond by trying to take it from her.

She did one take, then two, and then another one.

When bad things _still_ hadn’t happened, she allowed herself to relax.

And with her, he did too.

 _‘Is this the part where we play this cheesy ‘Oh, it’s easier to talk when we’re close together’ card again?’_ Frontal lobe groaned. _‘Or are we going with ‘well, it’s obviously going to get colder soon, so we might as well share body warmth,’?’_

 _‘Ah, haha…! Um… well… no…?’_ Limbic system tried.

Kurisu only sighed; she didn’t really want to waste any more energy pondering what was cheesy or the right thing to do.

Okabe’s shoulder was a very bony pillow, a bit rougher than she’d have liked. Was she doing something wrong? Was the angle a bit off? Was she too high or too low?

#Noobromanceproblems.

 _‘A bone is a bone, you know. It’s not going to get magically softer if you rub it in a different way. The best you can do is just rest your head ON TOP of it completely, or angle his arm a bit and use the muscle there instead. Geez._ ’

 _‘Or we could bypass all of this and just go straight for using his lap as a pillow?’_ Limbic System proposed.

 _‘And what about decency?’_ Her counterpart retorted.

_‘What about it? You think it isn’t risqué enough?’_

_‘…I rest my case.’_

Apparently her brain kept mulling it over anyway.

In the end, she just scuffled forward a bit on the bench and leaned into him backwards. That was quite a bit better.

She initially felt him stiffen a bit, but then he relented – and just as well, since this was _still_ his fault. He responded by leaning forward a bit and resting his chin on the top of her head. It reset their overall centre to gravity to where she supposed they were both comfortable.

For a while, neither of them talked. She decided that was all right, though. There was something nice to the evening serenity, just comfortably sitting here together.

Eventually, he was the one who broke the silence. “Kurisu, can I ask you something?”

His voice was steady again, without the intermittent panting that had just been there. How long had they been sitting here? She had to admit it had started to make her feel sleepy at some point...

“You just did. Anything else?”

He grinned. “Sharp,” he remarked, before he sobered. “But more seriously… you are now the only one next to me who knows the truth about the Alpha worldline. Do you think I, or we, should tell the others?”

“Tell them what, exactly?”

“Everything.”

“Where’s this coming from?” she asked. “Didn’t you say you weren’t going to let fear of SERN hold you back anymore?”

“It’s not about SERN,” he clarified. “Well, I obviously can’t tell Moeka anything. But regarding the other lab members… I told you I took away things from some of my friends. Luka’s preferred gender and Faris’ father, mostly. They don’t seem to remember that, or if they do, either really vaguely or they just hide it really well. And in Mayuri’s case… she described her deaths as having ‘bad dreams’. Shouldn’t I leave it at that? Isn’t that better than telling them everything and pushing them to remember? Wouldn’t reminding them be like rubbing salt on their wounds?”

“Are you afraid they’ll blame you?”

He flinched. “Maybe they wouldn’t see things the way you did.”

“But you’re asking _me_ for advice anyway,” she pointed out.

“I always did. And if I’d had to choose, I’d have told you everything first anyway, just to have your opinion.”

“Honestly, I think this shouldn’t be your choice alone.”

“In a perfect world, no. But that’s how it is, being the only one with perfect Reading Steiner,” he replied, gazing over the scene. “And… I really don’t know what’s best. I once promised Mayuri I’d tell her everything, but I still haven’t. If I did, I’d also have to tell her she lost you as a friend, that we sacrificed you for her sake AND kept her out the loop. I’m not sure how she’d take that.”

“Then you should first ask yourself if the others gave up what was precious to them willingly,” she reasoned. “Did they? Did you ever force them?”

“…No.”

“So how did you convince them?”

“By telling them Mayuri was going to die otherwise.”

_“Mayuri sure is popular…”_

“Then they’re basically the same as I was,” she concluded, ignoring that pang of jealousy. ”From that, I think your worries are probably unwarranted. As to whether or not it’s better for them that they know, that I can’t say. _I_ would want to know everything regardless, but that’s just my personality. What do you think _they_ would prefer?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “Both Luka and Faris seem pretty happy as they are. With Mayuri… I can’t really say. I haven’t noticed her behaving any differently, but I know she’s better at hiding things than I’d once thought.”

“…Maybe you could wait, then, at least when it concerns those two. If neither of them are suffering, then there’s no real need for immediate intervention. Maybe they’ll regain their memories on their own. If you notice their behaviour towards you suddenly starts changing, or if they come to you with questions on their own, you could ask them what they want. And if you then just explain your reasons for not telling this on your own, I don’t see an immediately problem with this approach.”

“You really think it’s okay to just let things go, then?”

“If you actually promised Mayuri, and you know she might be hiding things, it’s probably worth telling her regardless,” she replied. “As for the others, that’s about all the advice I can give you without knowing them. And it’s not like Reading Steiner’s dangerous or-“

Wait.

She slowly sat herself forward, breaking immediate contact with him.

“Okabe, remind me again how your Reading Steiner works,” she asked, her mind racing.

“Huh? Why?”

“Just do it,” she insisted.

So he did.

She listened intently as he re-explained what he knew of his ‘super power’. At some point she stood up and started pacing back and forth as she thought. As a side benefit, it allowed her to see what was going on behind Okabe, just in case someone tried to listen in.

“Then let me summarize,” she stated upon him finishing. “You say that when you affect a change in the past, such as with the d-mails, the world reconfigures itself to account for that change. And your ability allows you to retain your memories from the now obsoleted worldline.”

“That’s a very brief description, but that _is_ the essence of it, as far as I can tell.”

She nodded. “So in the same case of the d-mails, you end up in the new worldline in a location that might be completely different from the one you left. Since you end up at roughly the same chronological moment in time, we can determine from it that until reading Steiner Triggered, your past self was living his life as usual, unaware that the world had been changed somewhere in the past. And when Reading Steiner then triggered, you yourself were aware of the change. Afterwards, you were in complete control of both yourself and your thoughts, with memories of the old worldline but no memories of the new one. Am I right so far?”

“Yes. But… why is this important?”

She held his gaze for a moment, searching for any deception. All she found was curiosity and some confusion. “That’s because you effectively overwrite your past self in this method,” she then pointed out. “If you are in full control of your body and only _your_ memories and consciousness apply now, then what is left of the past version of you, the one that brought you to the point where you entered this worldline?”

He didn’t need to answer that, as there was only one option: his past self was gone forever.

The only thing left of him was the body, which ‘future Okabe’ was currently inhabiting. What effectively happened was that Okabe’s memories of the other worldline had simply overwritten the ones his other version had had here, and SOMEHOW, in that process, his consciousness also overrode that of the other him, at least to the point where he had complete and never-ending control.

How that would work, scientifically-speaking, didn’t make much sense to her. Consciousness was theorized to be ‘made’ by the brainstem, and the fact that recent stimulatory implants there had managed to rouse comatose patients from a coma reinforced that. It _was_ true, however, that the brainstem was fairly close to the areas associated with memory, namely the temporal lobe and the hippocampus it contained. Still… could the brainstem really somehow force lasting changes in a different part of the brain, on a level outside its theorized functions?

It was easier to see how having a new set of memories would affect a person’s _personality_. That was also controlled by different regions of the brain, supposedly mostly the prefrontal and orbitofrontal cortexes. But that by itself was too simplistic a model, since a person’s experiences _did_ play a part in shaping who they were.

It was nature vs nurture, in a way. Identical twins could become vastly different persons based on different environmental exposure, and consequently different life experiences, which were recorded in a person’s memories. And those memories, in turn, consisted of the stored, at-hand information the personality regions had as a baseline to measure behaviour against. So if those memories suddenly changed, it was likely that it would affect SOMETHING in how a person acted.

That drew parallels with her own situation, where her Alpha worldline counterpart had already engaged in certain… ‘physical activities’ with Okabe. Maybe that was why her brain now didn’t see as much of an issue in repeating that path? What was the big deal in kissing him? They’d done it before, right? Only, they hadn’t, as that had been her other self. But how would her personality neurons know the difference?

Yet when it came to Reading Steiner and Okabe, a second set of memories wasn’t how it went down. It was erasure of the past self, pure and simple. And the mechanism behind it was a complete mystery.

Of course, the problem was that all this reasoned from within the currently existing scientific theory. Time travel had supposedly never existed before. Consequently, the effects on time travel on a brain had never been researched, which in turn meant there was no existing theory on it. And assuming time travel was indeed possible, as it seemed to be, that meant there was no way to really discredit what Okabe said.

What if Okabe was simply correct? Did he have a reason to lie about this? He did, but he didn’t seem to be aware of it yet. If he’d wanted to lie, he should have constructed this in a different way. So were the proposed effects of Reading Steiner then just another unknown pathway in how the brain functioned?

 “I… Well… I suppose I never thought about it that way,” Okabe replied, interrupting her thoughts. “I always saw things from my perspective, and never from the perspective of the ‘me’ I ended up replacing. But again, why is this still relevant? What’s done is done, right?”

Annoyance sparked, leaning towards anger.

“Do you think your past self would be agreeable to you casually destroying his existence?" she demanded. "And not only that, but then also being so dismissive about it afterwards?”

Indeed, what would that have been like for Okabe’s alternate self, to unsuspectingly pick up his phone, or just go about his business as usual, and to suddenly and completely have his identity erased and consciousness taken away from him, possibly forever?

Did that make the original Okabe a murderer?

Actually, when it came to the already present versions of him before he went into a worldline, ceasing to exist, or death, was probably the _best case_ scenario. A less favourable option was that the previously present version of him simply got ‘imprisoned’, and was still aware of what was going on, but unable to do anything at all.

That was scarily similar to Locked-In syndrome, where a damaged brain part, usually the pons, caused complete paralysis in a patient, yet still allowed him to retain a varying degree of awareness to what was going on around him. And often with no hope of recovery.

As a neuroscientist, that was one of the very worst fates for a person she could possibly think of. The only real positive here was that the previous version of Okabe had a decent chance to still be able to see and hear what was going on.

And all of the above led to one very frightening thought…

“Okay, stop right there. Where is this coming from, Kurisu? What’s the issue, really?” he replied, leaning towards her, clearly worried.

She only sighed. “Think on it, Okabe. What is the main difference between you as an observer and everyone else?”

“That I had perfect recollection of the previous worldline, while everyone else doesn’t.”

“Or by another definition, that you have many more memories of previous worldlines than anyone else.”

“I suppose so?”

“And your best guess is that Reading Steiner is a genetic trait, expressed in varying strengths through the populace?”

“Yes, just as I said back in-“

He froze.

Realization dawned on his features.

It was soon replaced by horror.

She nodded and looked him straight in the eyes. “How many memories of an alternate worldline can someone else have before THEY get overwritten too, before _they_ cease to exist? Reading Steiner would logically work for them the same way as it does for you, only slower, right?”

_How many more memories can I take before I’m completely replaced with Alpha worldline Kurisu?_

_Am I going to go into a memory one day only to disappear or end up paralyzed for the rest of my life?_

That was something on a completely different level than just having her behavior influenced by her phantom self. Her phantom self was going to BECOME her and the cost was her life!

Even as she thought it, she felt herself sliding into panic. She was facing death or a fate worse than death, which could happen at ANY time, without ANY warning, and there was nothing she could do to stop it!

…was there?

“W-wait,  maybe that won’t ever happen,” he quickly said. “If Reading Steiner’s replacement mechanism is tied to memories, and the only known way to trigger that is to have ALL the memories, isn’t that needlessly worrying? Is it even possible for someone without perfect Reading Steiner to regain all the lost memories?”

 “Are you trying to dismiss this as a baseless fear, Okabe!?” she cried. “That’s easy for you to say, isn’t it? _Your_ survival is guaranteed, but what about everyone else!? Not everything is about you!”

He extended his arm towards her. “No, I-“

She took a step back, even though he couldn’t reach her from his still sitting position. “All everyone needs is a push, isn’t it? Those were YOUR words! So basically, as far as we know, every push you give me brings me closer to oblivion, right!?”

Oblivion.

The same oblivion she’d thought she was going to enter back then.

When he hit her with the taser.

When Suzuha was going to shoot her.

He’d already effectively killed his past self, and had no remorse over it.

So what would her fate matter to him, if it gave him his past girlfriend back?

“Kurisu, I’d never-!“

“Wouldn’t you!? Wasn’t that exactly what you were hoping for!? To regain the me from back then? Don’t you think sacrificing me for that is an acceptable price!? That’s why you’re even telling me all this, aren’t you!?”

Some of the other playground occupants were now glancing their way, no doubt wondering what the commotion was about.

She ignored them.

Okabe stumbled to his feet.

But even as he did, she realized something.

There _was_ something she could still do to protect herself.

All these memories were being triggered by Okabe, or at the very least accelerated by his presence.

So she fled, leaving him behind.

He couldn’t follow; he was too tired.

“KURISU!”

His broken voice followed her out of sight.

 

* * *

 

 

**Author’s notes:**

If you liked this story, would you mind sharing your thoughts? I’m always looking for constructive criticism to find out what worked and what didn’t, and to improve from this feedback!

On the chapter, this one was originally going to be like 25% of the length and then move on to the content of what will now be chapter 5. However, the plan for this story has changed since the amount of projected chapters has now been doubled from the 5 or 6 there were to 12. As a result, I had to work in some things to better set them up. And on that subject, this chapter was then projected to be longer, like chapter 3-ish in length. However, I wanted to cut it here since it was the most natural cut-off point. In story structure, this is commonly known as ‘the black moment’ of a romance story (part one, in this case) and it didn’t work well trying to go past it in one chapter. That also meant that the potential more philosophical discussion regarding Reading Steiner and free will in relation to the concepts of I.E. divergence etc. unfortunately got pushed back to chapter 5 (apologies, Defnitelynotapuppet).

In an earlier draft, this entire chapter was also pure humor and fluff. I realized however that it heavily lacked conflict and that SERN is only one part of their combined trauma, with the actual major one being operation Skuld/what happened during the Nakabachi attack. To have this issue completely disappear following only chapter 1 and 2 felt really strange to me, since it’s unrealistic that trauma that heavy can vanish instantly following a single ‘treatment session’. I might have glossed over that if we were sticking to the original 5 chapters, but that’s no longer the case. This lingering trauma again clashes with the obvious influences of Kurisu’s memories from the Alpha wordline influencing her, which made keeping her emotions believable somewhat of an issue. I do believe however that no matter how logical she is, something like the realization she had at the end would panic her, especially since she would probably link that to the trauma at Radi-Kan. I wonder what the Reader’s thoughts on this are?

On that last subject, I ran into some problems thinking of How Okabe was going to resolve this issue at the end. If you, as the reader, were Okabe here, how would you try to fix this? Do you think Kurisu’s interpretation of the ‘dark side’ of Reading Steiner is valid, and if yes/no, why, and what would you do about Kurisu’s concerns about this?

Maybe some fun facts about  writing this: I was initially struggling with the start of this chapter. In one version, Kurisu was really happy at the start and then remained that way all until the end (problem: lack of conflict).  In a second write, I had her realize the problem at the end instantly and had her be a bit moody or reserved about everything. But this hugely clashed with the end of chapter 3 and her assumed mental state there. So at the end I used both, starting with happy Kurisu and then gradually having the mood somber a bit near the midpoint towards the end.

Overall, I’m not entirely sure about the overall contents of this chapter compared to the prior three, since a lot of the earlier half is basically Kurisu’s mirror to Okabe’s obsessive thinking on her in chapter 3. I felt it was still fun or interesting enough to see this from her perspective backup up by the knowledge of a neuroscientist, but I might be wrong and that it will be considered boring by some readers. I can only hope the fluff and Kurisu’s slipups will compensate, in that case. I suppose only the reactions will tell me.

Well, until next time!

Kind regards,

Dieuw

 

 **Progress to next chapters:**  

Part one:

Chapter 5: 12200/13000-ish. I'm moving the date of posting to tomorrow, the 8th. Although the chapter is virtually done, I still need to finish some minor things and do a quality check. 

Chapter 6: Dialogue and script.

 

Part two:

Chapter 7-12: Script, some dialogue. 

 

 

 

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter introduction:**

I’d like to thank everyone for the absolutely massive support the last chapter received, and the depth of commentary from many different readers regarding the aspects of Reading Steiner. They were very helpful in writing this, and I tried to incorporate it all as best as I could.

I would have liked to post the chapter faster, but real life obligations got in the way. This entire chapter had to more or less be written in the last week alone. My apologies, everyone.

Regardless, enjoy!

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

She was running.

Whereto, she wasn’t sure.

Around another corner, across another street, another walkway…

A police officer glanced her way from the other side of the road and took a tentative step towards her.

Kurisu ignored the woman.

If the danger was as she expected it to be, no amount of police or earthly means could really protect her.

All that mattered was that she got away _from him as far as possible._

_…Right?_

_The toy copter on her lap didn’t really give her the answer. It had a camera attached to the rotator blade, meaning everything it recorded would be an image spinning so quickly that it’d be unwatchable._

_From a utilitarian point of view, it was worthless._

_From a sentimental point of view, it was priceless._

_It was a gift from Okabe, her… lover? What were they exactly? They loved each other, right? But they wouldn’t get the time to do anything else than the kisses last night. Considering how long these last few weeks had technically been, there was a certain Irony in that. And for that entire duration, she’d been convinced that he liked Mayuri instead._

_Only now, at the very last second, had he made himself clear. He was such an idiot; they could have had SO MUCH more time together… hadn’t she sent enough blatant hints earlier? When he’d recently started avoiding the lab, she’d blatantly written that it felt wrong not having him around her, and that she’d wanted to see him. And then there’d been that mail where she’d directly admitted being jealous of Faris for that hug he’d given her, which was the most dead of dead giveaways, right?_

_…Actually, when had she done that last one, exactly? Was that another memory of an alternate worldline?_

_She sighed; there was a vague feeling of knowing it had happened, just as she’d known Okabe had been desperately trying to save Mayuri for what felt like forever, but she was chronologically unable to place it._

_Too much had happened in these last three weeks._

_‘Go home, hippocampus, you’re drunk.’_

_…Was the meme she would have used if she hadn’t known it to be real. She had even helped build the technology for this to be possible - technology which would have been pointless if Reading Steiner hadn’t existed. And one person in the same team that had completely coincidentally built the first iteration of the time machine happened to possess that exact ability, just as a tv which had the EXACT specifics needed to act as the electron-injecting lifter happened to be present in the exact same building. And to add to that, the exact same building also had a direct connection to SERN’s headquarters and consequently a direct line to the remaining major piece of technology missing to get it all to work. And finally, she had been able to add her expertise on memories to this strange cocktail to give birth to the time leap machine._

_Suzuha had once called her the mother of time travel. That was a misnomer, in her opinion. The real mother of time travel as it had come to exist here was coincidence._

_But still… if Kurisu would be credited as the mother of time travel, did that make Okabe the father? He had been the one who’d proposed the idea._

_That thought made her feel a bit warm, a certain fuzziness reinforced whenever she looked at the gadget. And that conjured up sensations of last night…_

_She shook herself out of the soon useless thoughts and glanced at the station’s clock. There were only 3 minutes left until her train departed and it wasn’t even here yet, meaning it was going to appear any moment now. By all accounts, she should have put the thing away, chosen the entrance path to use and gotten in line with the people already standing there._

_And the first thing to do was to put this toy copter away with the rest of her luggage._

_Her hands wouldn’t do it._

_Was this really the best thing to do?_

_She was going to leave everyone behind. Not only that, but the only one she’d actually said farewell to was Okabe. Having Mayuri there would have only made things more painful, as would Luka, Faris and Hasida… right? What would it be like for them to hear she’d suddenly left them all behind? What would they think of her?_

_Well… it all wouldn’t matter for much longer._

_Okabe was going to delete the mail that had started all this. They’d end up in the Beta worldline, where he’d originally come from._

_In that worldline, he’d found her stabbed and unconscious in a pool of blood, most likely dead._

_Thus, the new state of the world would start a few weeks after she’d supposedly died._

_So what was going to happen to her?_

_She’d seen this coming, of course. His absolute conviction of that he’d seen her dead had been what sparked her initial curiosity back then, despite the ‘accidental groping’, and that had ultimately led to her staying at the lab. When Okabe had explained why he wanted to undo the d-mails, she’d instantly known this would be how it ended up if he were successful._

_But in the face of those pleading eyes and his clear desperation of trying, and failing, to save Mayuri time and time again, she didn’t have it in her to say ‘no’. Mayuri was her best friend too, after all, and she deserved happiness. The blame for all of this scientific hubris, for messing with time, fell on them, not her._

_She chose to instead cling to some hope that she hadn’t been dead, that Okabe had been mistaken since he hadn’t actually checked the body. It was a lofty hope, but those were pretty much all she had._

_The other one, her ‘theory’ about this worldline continuing to exist after Okabe had left, was an equally vain one. From her understanding of the knowledge Okabe had shared from future Suzuha, there was only ONE active timeline at a time. This meant that all the other ones, infinite in number as they might be, were ‘inert’ until something in the past changed which caused people to behave in that specific way, which then made the world reconfigure itself to that state. According to Suzuha, this had SOMEHOW been proven in the future, by scientists with presumably at-will access to much more advanced time travel installations and the ability to perform careful and extensive measurements with those. So what were the realistic chances of it actually being wrong after all?_

_That also touched on a very disturbing subject: how had SERN, who had a monopoly on science in the future of the Alpha worldline, proven the model of a remodeling world? They claimed that only a single active worldline existed that completely changed following any significant change to the past, and Suzuha and the scientists working for the resistance had followed this._

_Yet, to confirm this, they’d have to perform measurements, and the only way to do this would be by changing something in the past to see the result. However, a change significant enough to actually alter the worldline would reconfigure that entire worldline from the point of the change, thereby effectively erasing the previously established worldline from that point. And since the measurement started in that same erased previous worldline, this technically prevented SERN from even starting that measurement in the first place. They’d never see the result of their experiment._

_So if starting a measurement prevented that same measurement from ever taking place, how could SERN ever acquire any data that allowed them to prove the existence of a singular active worldline? It seemed like a paradox. Could any machine, regardless of technological complexity, really create a data output if starting the measurement effectively caused it to retroactively stop existing since even before you started the experiment? And who or what would still be around to interpret that data if the entire worldline no longer existed?_

_At first, she thought SERN could just have been lying about it for their own ends, whatever those were, since there seemed to be no way for this to make sense. That interpretation would mean that there might actually be active parallel worldlines, which would in turn allow her continued existence._

_However…_

_There was one sure way in which SERN could still do it._

_They could torture people with Reading Steiner into cooperating with them. THEY would know how the worldline changed and carry this data into the next one. All that it needed was a device to read their memories, which already existed back at Viktor Chondria, a device similar to the Phonewave, and a measurement starting after they had captured a person with alternate timeline awareness._

_Maybe they’d even got Okabe himself. According to Suzuha, he’d died in 2025, more than ten years before 2036, where she'd come from. Had he died in captivity? Had SERN used him for their own ends before they killed him?_

_Was Okabe aware of this possibility?_

_Actually, it went past a possibility -  it was a likelihood as far as she was concerned. Until another Observer was confirmed to exist, Okabe was the only one. And he, in turn, had been a confirmed enemy of SERN in the future of this worldline. In a war between a ‘resistance’ and an enemy in complete control of both the entire rest of the world and time itself, someone with flawless awareness of other timelines was probably an extremely valuable asset to the opposition. Maybe that was even the sole reason they could even fight back, and there was only so long the resistance would be able to keep that asset hidden. Surely SERN would eventually notice something really strange was going on._

_By the time they’d have captured Okabe, they’d either know already or torture the truth out of him. And when they were done with him, he’d just be yet another casualty of the Alpha worldline, like Mayuri._

_And there was no way she’d let that worldline take them - over her dead body!_

_…Literally, since if she accepted that SERN’s theory was correct, as it seemed to be, it would also mean that she’d either end up dead in the Beta worldline or remain frozen for eternity in the inert Alpha worldline. That latter one would probably be what happened if the Beta worldline couldn’t accept her and she was forced to stay behind._

_She’d known all that, but she’d tried to pass the possibility of her survival off as credible for Okabe’s sake. There was only so much of seeing him broken, the way he had been last night, that she could take._

_Of course, he’d known how flimsy it was. Yet she hadn’t relented, just to make it a bit easier for him to push that button. Maybe that was also why she hadn’t stayed long last night, and why she hadn’t fully told him how she felt._

_He’d eventually agreed, since he was out of options._

_And that, in turn, had led to this._

_She was going to step out._

_It was for the sake of Mayuri, him, and the rest of the world._

_Logically and objectively, it was the correct choice._

_But… it still meant she was going to die._

_She was scared._

_There was only so much comfort to be found in the knowledge that Okabe loved her and wouldn’t forget her. Everyone else she’d met here still would. And what she’d achieved now was still all she’d ever reach in this life._

_If Okabe had gotten back to the lab by now, then the worldline could end at any second. Nothing that happened here effectively mattered anymore._

_Maybe that’s why she’d chosen this place, isolated from anyone who knew her. So she could technically be on her own at the end._

_So no one important had to see her cry._

_It had been hard enough to hold it in as she walked away from him, as he stood there in the station’s entryway, seeing her off._

_She wiped her face just as the train entered the station._

_It was time to go._

_Her body felt heavy as she stood up and forced herself to put away the toy._

_It felt like walking towards the chopping block._

_But just as she was about to enter, there was a commotion to her right._

_By all accounts, what she saw was a fairly mundane affair._

_A little girl was crying next to her mother, facing an adult man with a large suitcase next to him. Considering the latter and the fact that this railway was connected to the airport, it was likely that the man was going on some trip away from home and that his young daughter was distressed over it._

_It should have been touching more than anything else._

_But… it drew some uncomfortable parallels with her own family._

_Here, at least, the man was trying to console his daughter  and his family got to say goodbye._

_Unlike her, seven years ago._

_She stopped._

_Wasn’t she doing the exact same thing to her friends?_

_She was leaving them all behind._

_She couldn’t solve the problem, so she removed herself from their lives, leaving them to their fate._

_She ran away without even saying goodbye._

_Exactly like her dad._

_Like Nakabachi._

_And running away only made it hurt worse, didn’t it? Those were her own words to Okabe, last night._

_She was already on the move when the train left the station, only stopping briefly to jam the majority of her luggage into a nearby locker, on the remote chance that she might still need it._

_If she ran quickly, she might still be able to make it; to see him one last time and give her definitive answer before she went, and maybe say a goodbye of sorts to the others as well._

_She wasn’t a coward! She wouldn’t idly sit by and watch for doom to come any second. She’d face it head-on, with the others!_

_With Okabe._

_And… maybe he’d even prove her wrong._

_He said he’d never give up. Maybe he could do it; maybe he could find a path that saved them all._

_Maybe he could prove SERN’s theory false._

_He was just stubborn, crazy and intelligent enough that she could see it happen._

_She’d just have to have faith in him._

_The streets of Akihabara flew by, morphing into Kuramae Bashi-dori and speeding towards the Ohiyama building, where the lab was. She’d left a fair trail of bewildered onlookers in her wake._

_By the time she got there, she was panting heavily._

_She stormed up the stairs…_

_…only to see him push the button._

_The world was warping._

_His eyes met hers, contorting in horror and regret._

_She was too late._

_If she’d only left all of her luggage behind or ran just a tiny bit faster…_

_…Or had just called Okabe, Mayuri or Hashida to hold it off until she got there; why hadn’t she thought of that!?_

_No! No time for regrets!_

_These were her last moments, and also their last moments together._

_She began telling him she felt the same-_

_Distortion. Endless vertigo as it all fell into nothingness…_

* * *

  

The vertigo followed her out of the memory. It had been so potent that she had to exert effort not to puke.

She blinked it away, steadied herself and took a deep breath.

Her heart was still pounding at a mad pace, as she’d actually been running non stop through the entire district.

…And maybe she had. This wasn’t the area she’d just left. She didn’t immediately recognize any of the buildings, and there wasn’t a park in sight anywhere.  She stood at a traffic crossing, apparently waiting for the light to turn green. Around her, no one gave her any special attention.

It could have been any urban crossing in Tokyo.

How long had she been standing here?

And how had she known to stop exactly here, rather than blindly running ahead into the moving traffic, while her consciousness had been completely absorbed in the vision? Had it been sheer luck, again?

Or more worryingly, had Alpha worldline Kurisu temporarily taken over her body while she’d been stuck in the memory? She’d slipped into this one so naturally and quickly, there had almost been zero warning. Did that mean the boundary between the two of them was starting to fade? And if that happened…

…No. No use in worrying for the sake of worrying. At least she could try to make sense of this at the same time.

What she’d just seen; had those been her alternate self’s final memories?

Probably, right? She’d been convinced she was going to die. Okabe’s and hers decision had been final, which probably meant they’d also agreed to destroy the time travel technology. There wouldn’t be a do-over and the desperation clearly matched that prospect.

Even now, some of it lingered, mixed with regret.

She’d selfishly hurt him, a lot even. By going back to see him one last time, very stupidly without first making sure he’d put the thing on hold, it had resulted in effectively forcing him to watch as he’d killed her. She’d lost her cool when it mattered most and he’d suffered for it. It was in all likelihood the other one of the two major trauma’s he’d been preoccupied with in MayQueen, and it was almost purely _her_ fault.

And was it even fair to say that he’d actually killed her? It was more like he’d  gone along with her planned suicide, on her own insistence.

But would he see it like that?

He hadn’t. She knew he had a tendency to blame himself over others, and she’d had to punch him for it.

Would he still make the same mistake in this situation? How was he going to take her running off like this after she’d made him out to be after murder on her current self and then running away in a frenzy? After everything he’d done for her?

Her Alpha worldline counterpart had trusted him to the end. He’d legitimately performed a miracle to live up to that trust. He’d also taken a mortal wound for it. Was it then fair to claim he’d wanted her dead, replaced by her former self, just like that, without any real proof for it?

No.

She’d panicked; it was that simple. She hadn’t even stuck around to attempt to find a more constructive solution first.

She’d left him behind, possibly with the intent of doing so permanently.

Like Nakabachi had done to her - multiple times even, if you counted attempted murder.

Guilt kept her in place throughout three whole cycles of the traffic lights, as she tried to come to terms with that realization.

There was a powerful drive to run right back to Okabe and hug him like there was no tomorrow.

…Were those her own thoughts, or a lingering compulsion from her Reading Steiner?

…Did that matter if she wanted to do it anyway?

Well, if she was still aware of the danger concerning Reading Steiner, that meant she was still herself.

 _‘I think, therefore I am,’,_ as the philosopher and scientist Descartes had once said.

If she could think, she still existed.

She was still alive.

…Unlike her alpha worldline counterpart, who’d been erased from reality, and unlike the her from the beta worldline self, who’d been stabbed to death.

Effectively, this was her third ‘life’, and it was hers to do with however she wanted.

It made her take a moment to observe the world around her, from the other pedestrians, to the cars, the stores and the huge advertisement boards scattered here and there.

How special was it, to be alive and able to see this now?

Only six to seven percent of all humans who’d ever lived, depending on which estimate you used, were alive at this moment. Those living, 7-ish billion people each carried  86 billion neurons in their respective brains, the collective thought processes of which all combined to continue shaping the current society. Everything around her was the result of part of that massive conglomerate at some point believing something had to be done, and some other part doing it’s best to do so. She was one of the privileged few humans able to see the resulting world in its current enlightened, technologically advanced iteration.

And the one she owed that to, since roughly two months ago, was Okabe. He’d saved her life, after all.

But… being close to him seemed to increase the occurrence rate of Reading Steiner, meant she was in danger of losing herself.

…Or were her assumptions off, somewhere?

Thinking about it logically, if she counted being erased from reality as a death, then she’d ‘died’ many more times than just the two times Okabe was preoccupied with. Every single ‘her’ from the alpha worldline, throughout all the repeats in which she’d worked with Okabe to undo the d-mails, had accepted that the reality she was living in would cease to exist, and that ‘her’ along with it, replaced with a new version of her in the next worldline. That had continued to the very last version of her that had accepted returning to the Beta-worldline was the last remaining option.

So how many times had she _really_ chosen to ‘die’ in an effort to save Mayuri and break out of the Alpha worldline? This wasn’t her third life, but the Nth one, with N being the actual number of Alpha worldline repeats plus 1 from the single Beta worldline death. Effectively, the only thing that made the final Alpha Kurisu’s ‘death’ any more special was that it had been the last one, the definitive goodbye between her and Okabe.

So… was she a coward compared to all other Kurisus who went before her?

God, that sounded strange.

But then again, those Kurisus who had been aware of this issue had probably felt pressured into doing what they’d done, for the sake of others. In this worldline, there was nothing forcing her to sacrifice herself. So... to what degree was being replaced with her other self a legitimate concern? It had never happened outside of Okabe actively using time travel…

She went over the proposed workings of Reading Steiner one more time, and reached the same conclusion - that it was still a legitimate concern. But at the same time, she felt she was overlooking something.

There had been something to the memory just now; an inconsistency somewhere between her recent thoughts and the memory that she felt she should have seen, and that she couldn’t pin it down.

…But that could wait; she didn’t have to solve it by herself.

Even if there was a legitimate threat to losing herself, she was currently still in control. And she at least owed Okabe the opportunity to talk this out together.

There was just one problem; she still had no idea where this was, or where he was, for that matter.

Well, first things first. She wasn’t going to repeat Alpha worldline Kurisu’s mistake. This time, she’d just use her phone and call Okabe to make sure he stayed at-

The number wasn’t there.

She wanted to slap herself. How could she have not immediately exchanged phone numbers with him, just to account for the possibility of losing him!?

Argh! This shared failure of reaching out to him at a critical moment in time was NOT something she wanted to have in common with her other self!

Okay, calm down. There had to be some other method she could use to find her way back. She couldn’t be THAT FAR off from where she’d come from.

Maybe she could determine which street they’d just been on, when he’d done his public mad scientist thing? She’d actually been there before during her earlier searches for him, when she’d been chasing after hallucinations born from memory fragments.

That was on-

Um…

Kura… Kuramae…

Right! Kuramae Bashi-dori!

A quick Gobble maps opening gave her an absolutely massive cesspool of streets, railways and metrostations. It showed her current location and she immediately set the general direction.  

Okay, and where was Mayqueen Nyannyan?

She scanned the road and eventually found it, assuminmg Gobble Maps was up to date. And if they’d been going west from there as Okabe had said…

They’d eventually arrive at Rensei park!

She set the destination and started running.

_But what if he’d already left? Then what?_

In that case, she’d need a backup plan.

Okabe had said the future gadget lab was ‘just around the corner from the next crossing’ from Rensei. But the park was a square in the middle of a number of small crossings, and was that the next crossing from the actual park or the road they’d abandoned just prior to that?

Damn it, she didn’t have enough information! If he wasn’t there, she’d just have to scout the place, going through each possible combination until she took the right turns and stumbled upon the lab, if she’d even recognize it. 

Would she?

What had the memory said, again?

She tried to focus on it, suppressing the reflexive fear that came with doing so, as well as the lingering plethora of other emotions that memory conjured.

…Some kind of rundown building…

It was only a phantom whisper, lacking the necessary details, but at least it was _something._

Finding the lab would take probably take some time, but that wasn’t a problem in itself.

…Unless this abandonment of Okabe had made him do something stupid in the meantime.

…He wouldn’t, would he?

She recalled the image of the broken Okabe, sitting on a walkway, possibly just seconds away from jumping over the railing to the traffic below. She’d remembered that when this evening had started, back in MayQueen. That Okabe had displayed a level of desperation on the same level as the pain she’d heard in his voice when she’d ran just minutes ago.

She suddenly felt cold - she had to find him, NOW!

She whirled around the corner.

…and only _just_ stopped herself from running straight into him.

Okabe, who’d been running himself, stumbled to a halt about as gracefully as she did.

To say she was surprised to see him there was an understatement.

She didn’t know what to immediately say.

“Kurisu! Thank god… there you are…”

He was panting and still looked like he was going to collapse at any second, but the relief in his eyes was palpable.

It made her feel even worse about how she’d left him behind.

An awkward silence followed as he caught his breath.

 “Okabe…!? But… how did you find me?” she blurted out, going with the first thing that came to mind.

“I… used the ancient technique of ‘asking bystanders for directions’. It was super effective. There aren’t… that many teenage girls that storm off at night in Akihabara,” he said, slowly straitening up. “All it took was telling them my friend had a panic attack and had ran off by herself.”

…Yeah, that made an embarrassing amount of sense.

“But… I thought you were too tired to move?” she asked.

“I… probably still am. But… there was no way I was going to let you get away. I’d have dragged myself here even if my leg had been broken. I actually had to do something similar once.”

She flinched, imaging such a prospect. Had that been SERN-related?

Still, it was touching. Really touching, even.

…And she had no idea how to handle that. “L-let me get away’? I’m not some kind of prey to be chased!”

He sighed. “You know that’s not what I mean. Do you realize how worried I was!?”

…just like she’d been worried about him, in turn.

Some part of her melted. Another part reflexively hardened in annoyance; it wasn’t like her to be so soft!

“And not just for your emotional state,” he continued. “You have this habit that when a memory triggers, you lose track of what’s happening around you. That sort of stuff is dangerous if you’re running around near traffic by yourself!”

“W-well it’s not like I can just pick and choose when that occurs! And if you knew that, shouldn’t you have told me earlier!?”

“Yeah, because I could have _totally_ seen this coming, assistant! Are you seriously claiming knowing that would have stopped you from running away!?”

“Yes, you SHOULD have seen this coming! Why was it up to me to figure this out!? Did it really never ONCE occur to you that Reading Steiner could be dangerous!? Some ‘intelligent mad scientist’ you are!”

“Oh, sure! Because I didn’t have other important things to worry about, such as, you know, OUR FRIENDS! And YOU never made a big deal about this before, either!”

She opened her mouth to continue the argument…

…but stopped.

Why were they even arguing? It was silly. They had both obviously been relieved at seeing the other one in good health. This was just superficial banter to hide it, and it was going south fast.

 Maybe it was just time to be honest?

Alpha worldline Kurisu would have done anything to have this chance, to have even one more moment in which they could have a heart-to-heart.

An image of the last she’d seen of him in the vision flashed by. How he’d stood there, hand on the button, as she’d barged in. He wanted to reach out to her; she’d seen it in his eyes. But also the hurt over that he knew it was too late, and that it was effectively her fault for even bringing it to that point, on more than one account, even.

“…You’re right,” she admitted, shaking away the doubt.

“And I say that’s bullsh-! …Wait, what?”

“Come here.”

“I don’t-“

She crossed the distance and wrapped her arms around him before he had a chance to react. “I’m sorry... I just… didn’t want to die again.”

No one should have ever been able to say that.

The return hug was hesitant, like the first one back in the café. That had only been two or so hours ago, but it somehow felt like weeks, as if they’d been through so much since then.

“A-ah. Well… Look, I can understand that you’re afraid...” he began.

“Afraid? I’m terrified. Do you know what it’s like to-”

She stopped herself just a fraction too late.

“-to actually die?” he finished for her. “No. But if it helps, I _do_ know what it’s like to be shot multiple times, stabbed in a number of different ways, ran over by a car and beaten up by an entire gang. Oh, and to almost bleed out and consequently lie in a hospital bed so drugged, ill and exhausted that I wasn’t sure what was real anymore. And that’s just what immediately comes to mind. So if you want to talk about it, I can probably relate more than most.”

“N-No, that’s not necessary! I didn’t want to drag any of that up. That was thoughtless of me,” she said, inwardly kicking herself. He’d obviously been through hell too and she’d known that perfectly well! Gah! Why was she so bad at this?

“It’s okay, really,” he replied, completely serious. ”All of that is technically in the past, and I’d still rather go through all those things again than lose you a second time.”

His embrace was less hesitant now.

He was warm, like his eyes and his voice.

The sincerity of it made her smile. This was MUCH better than superficial arguments.

Her eyes met his and he blushed. “Er, I mean… It would be troublesome to have to replace such a valuable assistant, of course!”

She chuckled. “Nice tsundere line, and nice Baruto reference. It’s a little late to repair the damage, though. You already said you love me and you don’t get to take that back.”

“Um… does that mean you like that idea and that you'll actually return my feelings now?” he asked, confused. “I’m not sure how to interpret… all this physical contact, or that you were apparently running back to me, unless you completely lost all sense of direction that was, and I don’t want to assume either way, of course! It’s just hard for me to estimate where we stand and it’s not like I-”

“It’s fine,” she said, saving him from the ramble he was trapped in. “You’re not the only one confused, though. Imagine how _I_ feel. I suddenly fall in love with a seemingly crazy guy I probably had more reason to hate instead, and I’m still not entirely sure why. You at least have your memories of me to fall back on. _I_ constantly have to wonder if what I want to do is really what _I_ want to do.”

“Yeah, I guess that would be - Wait, what do you mean, ‘you’re not _entirely_ sure’? Does that mean you’re starting to understand why your previous self felt this way?”

 …was she?

Oops.

“…Are you falling for me, assistant?”

His teasing grin threatened to cut through all her restraints and defenses.

It was the ultimate cheat.

But two could play the game of exploiting the other’s weakness…

“What if I were?” she dared, returning said grin.

He froze.

“Well?” she demanded, pulling him even closer. She let her left hand slowly trail down side to his waist. “Aren’t you going to do something?”

“U-uhm…”

He wanted to pull away, but she didn’t let him; his gaping mouth routine never got old.

She waited a few more seconds before sighing in an overly dramatic fashion, after which she released him from his torment. “You’re hopeless, you know? Honestly, I’d have expected much better of an observer. _How_ many repetitions do you have on me, again? Shouldn’t you know _exactly_ what to say and do?”

“W-what; are you implying you expected me to abuse Reading Steiner only to ‘practice’ on you!?” he cried, pulling himself together.

“Hm. Didn’t you?” she replied, crossing her arms.

“Obviously not! By the time I realized I had romantic feelings for you and we kissed, it was too late.”

She actually believed him. For a supposed pervert, he was surprisingly decent.

Not that it would save him now, of course.

“So the _only_ reason you didn’t was because of a timing issue, and not because you saw any ethical problems with making yourself appear more suave to me than you actually were?” she asked, amused.

He groaned. “Don’t twist my words, assistant! And like I said before, as a mad scientist, I don’t do ethics.”

“Meaning you admit you _would_ have done it, and consequently _would_ have cheated your way into the limbic system of your poor, defenseless assistant?”

He blinked. “What? Yes – I mean – no… damn, why is this so complicated…”

“Oh, don’t feel bad,” she chirped. “There’s something cute about how hopeless you are at romance; so hopeless that even your mad scientist façade can’t hide it.”

…Not that she had much of a reason to boast. But that was conveniently beside the point.

“Pfff. Better that than being _way_ too into it I’d say, Miss ‘ _the theory of relativity is so romantic, don’t you think?’_ ” he scoffed.

It sounded so ridiculous that she couldn’t help but laugh. “Pfahaha, did I _really_ say that?”

“Obviously! You’re the only person I know who would come up with something _that_ crazy. Actually, scratch that – probably the only person _in the world_.”

“But I thought you found that stuff special and endearing,” she pointed out.

“That… I can’t deny,” he admitted, briefly closing his eyes. “It _was_ very cute. And very ‘you’, yes.”

It must have been a good memory, going by the way his face was slowly sliding into a smile as he glanced off into the distance.

“…Hey, Okabe, when and why did I say that? What memory is this?” she asked, curious.

“Ah… well… Actually, can’t you remember it yourself if you try to focus?” he replied. “Give it a shot. This one should be easy.”

She did it by reflex.

What came back was… a large void, with lingering emotions of… what? Happiness, sadness, fear and… love, mixed with desperation?

She tried to focus harder, and got the same thing.

It figured: she had no control over Reading Steiner whatsoever. It told her what it wanted, when it wanted, and that was all. For now, it was content to show her a whole lot of nothing.

Until that changed, this would remain yet another mismatch between what they knew of each other. The only way to fix that was to intentionally push on and hope for the best, but that ran into the danger of Reading Steiner again. They’d have to talk that out somewhere, obviously not out here in the open.

So, where could they do this?

She was well aware of the irony, considering her old hotel room had been nearby here. In the days following Radi-Kan, she’d relocated to another one on the edge of the district just in case either Nakabachi or Okabe himself came back to finish her. She’d made the in hindsight very stupid mistake of telling her father where she was staying on the off chance that he would visit, which he obviously hadn’t. And as far as she knew back then, Okabe was probably a stalker with dubious motivations and sense of reality and/or sanity, making him a credible secondary threat.

Well, moving by itself obviously hadn’t helped. And it had probably been a key factor in why it had taken the two of them so long to meet again. Was finding her original hotel room empty why Okabe had thought she’d left Japan?

…but even if she still had her old room, and it had been in a less messy state, would she really have taken a boy in there at this time of day?

What would that lead to?

Her imagination went wild.

Too much so.

She swallowed; for all her bravado, she wasn’t that much more comfortable with any of this than Okabe. Her act only worked because she was able to project more confidence than he was, whether or not that was justified.

“Kurisu…?”

“Y-yes?”

“Why are you blushing?” he asked, strangely hopeful.

“W-What are you talking about? Get your mind out of the gutter, you pervert!”

He studied her for a moment. “But I wasn’t doing anything?”

“Well, you were obviously imagining I was having impure thoughts, weren’t you? Hah! _As if_!”

He chuckled. “Somewhat ironic, considering the memory. But gauging from this reaction, I guess you really don’t recall it…”

His disappointment was harder to take than any of the shouting earlier.

Damn her mushiness!

She sighed. “Okay, enough stalling. Okabe, do you know of a place where we could talk about Reading Steiner a bit more? Somewhere pleasant and at least somewhat private?”

 “Hm… we could always go back to the park?”

 “No, not that one. Somewhere we _haven’t_ caused a scene yet.”

…It was probably pretty bad she had to add that second part.

“Then what about the Lab itself?” he proposed. “We were going there anyway.”

“I’d rather deal with this issue before diving headfirst into a nest of new memories.”

He nodded. “In that case, there’s only one place nearby I can think of. Are you hungry?”

She couldn’t really deny that. There was only so much a bowl of salt flavored noodles from like 4 or 5 hours ago did in the face of all this. Her brain alone had probably been consuming adenosine triphosphate and other nutrients like there was no tomorrow.  

“I could use a bite, yes,” she said, ignoring the unintentional pun.

“Right. I guess I should check first, though. I’m not _entirely_ sure at what time they close and-“

He paused, checking his pockets with increasing speed and alarm. “Wait, where’s my phone? Did I-“

“-Lose it?" she finished for him, producing said device from her pocket.

He glanced at her, then the phone, then her again. “…Seriously?”

“What can I say; I just didn’t want to risk being stuck without your number again,” she said, grinning.

“You could have just asked me, you know!”

“That would have been less fun. Didn’t you claim to have ‘finely honed skills of perception’? So how did you get yourself pickpocketed by a novice civilian, ‘Hououin Kyouma’?”

He only groaned. “Are you going to use EVERYTHING I say against me, Christina?”

“Let’s call that an occupational hazard of being a chuunibyou half the time,” she merrily replied before turning her attention to the device. “Oh, no security code? Just imagine what a nefarious villain could do with this! Hm, you don’t seem to have that many contacts, though I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. And look at this! You ACTUALLY entered yourself as ‘Hououin Kyouma.’ Such delusion, much fail!”

She took out her own phone and started entering his number...

...when he suddenly moved, snatching it from her hand.

“H-hey!”

“Oh? Not enough contacts huh? I wonder how many _you_ have, assistant?”

This time, she  _did_ lunge for it.

But he was too tall, easily keeping it out of her reach and spinning away from her every time she got close.

“Now, let’s see here!” he said between dodges,” There’s ‘Boarding School Contact’, ‘Conference Contact’, ‘Dad’, ‘Hotel’ ,‘Leskinen’, ‘Maho Sempai’, ‘Me’ and ‘Mom’. Hah! Discounting services, yourself and temporary liaisons, that leaves me with TWICE as many contacts as you!”

“S-So? Quality over quantity, I’d say!” she tried, still circling, waiting for an opening.

Nearby, a few passers-by were grinning at their antics. That annoyed her _even more_.

“Weren’t _you_ the one who brought up this point?” he replied. “And are you suggesting Mayuri isn’t a ‘quality contact’? And here I was thinking you held her in very high regard. She’d be really sad to hear you say that, you know.”

“That’s low, Okabe. Just… give me my phone back, okay? Here, I’ve entered my number in yours.”

She held out the device.

He paused, considering it. “One second; who is ‘Maho Sempai’, and who is Leskinen? I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned either of them. I have to admit I’m curious.”

“And what makes you think I’d want to tell you who they are? That’s information on my private life, you know!”

“Well, I’ll trade you your phone back for it?”

“For just that information? So I’d get to keep your phone, then?” she pointed out, pulling it close again.

“Obviously not! Hm, then how about this, tell me who she is and I won’t send… her? this text that you’re secretly in love with her.”

He followed his threat by typing something.

“Y-you wouldn’t!”

He grinned. “Try me, Miss virgin pickpocket. Wouldn’t you say it would teach you a good lesson regarding stealing?”

His thumb hovered over the ‘send’ button.

Anger helped her focus and she saw his colossal mistake. “Send it, and I’ll send that same message to your ENTIRE contact list!” she countered, channeling her most evil grin. “Most of those are other lab members, who are almost all girls or near-girls of your age, huh? And while we’re on this subject, how exactly is it that _you_ are still a virgin if that’s the case?”

She wasn’t entirely sure if that was Alpha worldline knowledge coming through or just his flustered mannerisms when confronted with any kind of provocative behavior. Still, there was something vaguely annoying and weird about this list of names. Shouldn’t an adolescent boy normally have mostly male contacts? He definitely wasn’t homosexual. So what _was_ he then; a real-life wannabe harem protagonist, or something?

He blanched. “Er…”

“Well? I’m waiting,” she said, hovering her thumb over his phone in return. The way they were facing off, phones dramatically pointing towards the other, she’d almost expect lightsabers to start protruding from them at any second. 

“O-okay, let’s not get hasty! Maybe we can just trade information instead?” he suggested.

Hm. Trade information? Tempting. It wasn’t like what he wanted to know was a very big deal, and there were all sorts of things she could ask. But nothing related to the alpha worldline for now. So…

She glanced at his contacts again. “Tell me about your parents,” she decided.

“My… parents? Why?”

“Because I’m curious, obviously! But if you prefer, we could still go abandon this idea and go back to sending those mails to the other’s contacts…”

He slowly backed off, hands raised. “A-Ah, well, my dad owns a greengrocery and my mom is a high school teacher.”

She blinked. “That’s all?”

“What do you mean: ‘that’s all’? What were you expecting?” he asked, annoyed.

“Er… how to put this… that seems really ‘plain’ for the parents of ‘Hououin Kyouma’.”

“Yeah… plain… let’s go with that…” he said, trailing off. “Anyway, my end of the bargain was held up. Now yours.”

“That’s very basic information, so you’ll only get very basic things in return. Maho is my direct supervisor at Viktor Chondria and also probably my closest friend back in America. Leskinen is the professor we fall under.”

“Really? So is there any special reason you call her ‘sempai’?”

“I’m afraid that doesn’t fall under this deal,” she replied, exchanging their phones. “And why do you even want to know that? Are you jealous YOU don’t have that title, Okabe-kun?” she teased.

“In your eloquent words: ‘Hah! _As if!’_ Now… It looks like the restaurant is still open, if only barely, so I suggest we hurry there.”

He was already walking off when she realized he’d forgotten something. “Wait! Okabe, I still need your number!”

He paused. “Are you sure, assistant?”

She checked, scrolling down to the alphabetical bottom.

Indeed, there was one new contact: ‘Omnipotent Handsome Devil (name subject to change)’.

She glared at him.

“What? Did you _really_ think I’d send such a message to someone obviously important to you?” he asked. “I find your lack of faith disturbing, Christina.”

She just sighed and shook her head as she went after him, thinking of the next retort.

 _‘Well played,’_ she thought, amused.

 

* * *

 

 

Kitchen Jiro, or kitchen Jiro Sotokanda as it was fully called, seemed like a fairly traditional Japanese restaurant at first glance. The interior consisted of a single, fairly large room with a decent number of tables for customers. The decorations were all homely and East-Asian themed. All in all, if it hadn’t been for the ‘no cellphones allowed’ warning sign on one of the walls, the obvious counter at the back and the number of tables and chairs, it could legitimately have passed for a more elder Japanese person’s living room. Maybe that was exactly what it had been, before it had been converted to a restaurant. Kurisu decided she liked the serenity it radiated.

The place was currently nearly devoid of customers at this time of day, with only a single one leaving the establishment just as they came in. Whatever was in the takeaway bags he carried smelled absolutely delicious, though.

Okabe picked a table near the middle of the room, one that was to the wall. She sat herself down next to him, rather than across. He didn’t object. It would mean talking sideward, but this way she’d be able to see the entire room, meaning it would be harder to surprise her. It was a habit she’d picked up in the last two months.

It did also put them closer to each other, and she pre-emptively told her collective brain to shut up about it. Yes, this was starting to look more and more like an actual date and yes, the proximity was somewhat distracting, but further indulging those musings didn’t help right now.

It didn’t take the middle aged waitress long to attend them. “Oh? We don’t usually see you this late, Okabe. You realize the kitchen closes in ten minutes, and the restaurant in forty, right? You’ll have to eat fast.”

He shrugged. “It was a last minute thing, my apologies.”

Whatever the waitress was about to say died in her mouth.

“…What?” he asked, frowning.

“Did you just _apologize_?” she replied.

“Yes. What about it?”

She stared at him as if he’d suddenly grown another lab coat over his current one.

“Um… are you okay?”

“O-Oh, never mind me. I was about to tell your guest that she could get someone much better than a cheapskate nutcase like you, but maybe you’ve actually started to change.”

Kurisu’s eyes went wide; surely she must have misheard that? Who would ever treat her customer in such a way?

“Gee, thanks,” Okabe sarcastically replied.

“No problem!” The waitress went on. “I just felt it was my duty to give her a fair warning, woman to woman. And maybe if you _actually_ paid for your food instead of tricking your friends into paying the bill for you, or running away without fully paying for everything, I’d have been nicer.”  
  
Oh.

Kurisu glanced at Okabe, silently inquiring if that was true.

“That’s-“ he began, before reconsidering. “Wait, when did I do that? I can’t remember ever doing such a thing.”

The elder woman rolled her eyes. “Oh, sure. Selective memory, huh? Well, it was… let’s see…”

She glanced through her ledger, briskly at first yet slower and more hesitantly as the seconds went by. “Huh? I was sure it was only a few weeks ago, at most a month? Why can’t I find it?”

“So basically, you just insulted me AND made me look bad to my colleague for no reason?” Okabe pressed.

‘Colleague’? Since when were they colleagues? She wasn’t sure if she was touched or disappointed.

“Well, my apologies then, I guess? But… I can swear I remember you-“

“I’m afraid you’re really mistaken, since I was in the hospital by then. And since this is slander to a loyal customer, I’d say the least you could do to apologize would be giving us a free meal,” he said, crossing his arms towards the woman and regarding her defiantly.

“That’s not necessary, really,” Kurisu immediately cut in. “I’ll be paying for both of us.”

Okabe whirled around. “What? You will?”

 _“Yes, I will!_ You’re going to eat a lot and you’re going to like it!”

He slowly and silently backed away.

“I still stand by that she’s probably better than you deserve, Okabe,” the waitress went on.

“And that would be MY choice alone,” Kurisu countered, turning on her with her frostiest glare. “Now, are you going to take our orders or should we go eat elsewhere and share our less than stellar experiences here on every single kind of social media?”

The threat level was code red.

“I-I’ll have the mad mince cutlet curry, please,” Okabe stammered.

“I’ll have the house curry special,” she added, curious as to how a traditional seeming restaurant would handle a foreign dish. “And give him an extra portion of his order. Oh, and two Doctor Peppers for drinks, to be added when we get out meals.”

“C-Coming right up, then!” the waitress said, after which she literally scrambled away.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” Okabe said, watching her go. “What was the point of just letting her off the hook after those insults?”

Kurisu gave him a flat stare. “Sorry, but I couldn’t sit by as you tried to take advantage of her imperfect Reading Steiner just to get a free meal. You have to take responsibility for the actions of your past and/or parallel selves, too.”

“Oh, come on! Those events happened AGES ago in the Alpha worldline. And I think that in at least one of those, I had to suddenly leave because something critically important had happened. …Was it related to Suzuha? I can’t really remember…”

“I guess it must be hard. If you have perfect memories of countless repeats, I’d imagine they start blurring into the other at some point, affecting your ability to recall them,” she mused.

“Yeah, they eventually did. But some things I could never forget, regardless of the specific worldline they’re from.”

He didn’t elaborate. At times like these, she couldn’t help but wonder what was going on in his head; what past event he was recalling.

“Also… I could have paid for myself, you know. It feels wrong to have you buying for me: it seems ungentlemanly,” he continued.

She smirked. “What; are you implying that we’re on a date and that you have to pay for me, being the guy?”

“What if I said ‘yes’?”

“Then I’d ask you when mad scientists starting caring about chivalry.”

“And what’s wrong with being a chivalrous mad scientist? That doesn’t seem any weirder than being a domestic, experiment-loving girl. Are you still carrying around that sewing set?”

No, not since two months ago. But he didn’t have to know that.

So she smiled. “Hm, fair enough. Maybe there’s hope for you yet.”

“In that case, I hereby still offer to pay for us.”

“But I refuse!” she insisted. “Think of this as an apology present from me.”

“And what If _I_ refuse as well?” he pressed.

“Then I’d say you should come up with your own meme. And between the two of us, who has the fulltime job again? Ergo, who can miss the money better?”

He sighed. “That makes me feel _even less_ chivalrous. Actually… speaking of chivalry, I was wondering about something, Kurisu. How many classes did you skip to be able to work at Viktor Chondria at your age?”

Huh?

“Five, since I was already working there last year. Why?”

“So basically, you switched classes almost every other year and got paired up with people who were progressively older than you as you went, much older even, eventually.”

“That’s what it means to skip classes, yes. What’s the point?”

“Ah… then I’m sorry for making fun of your contact list. I guess that would have made it very hard to build up a social circle. In retrospect, that was probably mean.”

Yeah, as if her behavior towards him hadn’t been meaner than was strictly necessary at times. Still… that was nice to hear. Maybe she could get used to a gentlemanly Hououin Kyouma. It made her think back on what he’d look like in a suit.

…All she could do was quickly look away.

“…Well, if we’re going to wait for dinner anyway, I guess we might as well get started on the main issue,” he continued, upon receiving no reaction.

Yeah, that seemed best.

“What about being overheard?” she asked.

“You heard her: she believes I’m insane anyway, and since you’re my ‘colleague’, you’re probably crazy by association.”

“Is that why you picked this place? Because she wouldn’t take what you said seriously if she overheard?” she mumbled.

“That, and the food IS really good here. I was planning on visiting regardless, to celebrate I was no longer stuck on tubes and hospital cuisine.”

…because he’d been stabbed, by her dad.

She pushed the thought aside and leaned back into the couch. “Okay, then before we begin, let me clarify my position. I _want_ to be wrong on this issue, since if I’m right, it basically means everyone with any affinity for Reading Steiner, other than you, is doomed – they’ll eventually get replaced by alternate versions of themselves and would either be imprisoned in their own bodies or just destroyed. So until you completely convince me Reading Steiner isn’t dangerous, I’ll stick to that opinion. I’d only feel safe enough to continue this search for other memories if you can manage that.”

“I… guess that’s fair. It’s probably best to start with a model for how Reading Steiner works, for reference and simplicity’s sake.”

He followed it by tracing an imaginary line across the table. “Imagine a car driving down a road. Up until a certain moment in time, there is only one road - one timeline. Now, at some point, time travel is invented. We continue along that original road until time travel is used to affect a significant change somewhere in the past. That change causes people to take different choices, and as a result, the state of the world changes. A significant change is expressed in a change of the divergence number. When that happens, we stop driving on the road we were on. We get new information in the past, which causes us to take a different turn at that point in time. The universe corrects our position and we are now driving on a different road, at the same chronological moment in time. We now continue driving again until time travel is used. I, as someone with perfect Reading Steiner, retain all my memories of the previous road we were on, whereas others either completely don’t or only vaguely. They, however, have memories of the new road while I only have memories of the old one. And we can factor in the attractor fields here as basically the very limited number of eventual destinations all these possible roads have, since they effectively all end in the same places, or outcomes. Do you agree with me so far?”

Yeah, that was pretty much an accurate summary off what they’d discussed the various times this subject had come up. “One question though, Okabe, before we continue. You said you believed in free will under the assumption that this model is true and attractor fields exist. But if there really is only one active worldline, that means that prior to the invention of time travel, every person’s actions throughout all of time were set, weren’t they? How can there be free will, then?”

He looked up, surprised. “I thought you accepted my stance on this earlier?”

“Let’s say I was willing to take anything to beat some sense into you. I might have temporarily overlooked some details in the process.”

Okabe chuckled. “Point taken. In that case, a worldline doesn’t mean ALL actions of each person are set. Whenever I timeleaped, I took different actions throughout the same timeline every single time. The divergence number, designating the state of that world and which timeline I was in, never changed. So that’s proof that the worldline itself didn’t ‘force me’ to do anything, and that I could do different things, even if they ended in a result that wasn’t significantly different.”

“I have to say that’s still a somewhat depressing thought. Either a person doesn’t have a choice, or the world makes it so that no choices result in a significantly different outcome from a previously designed plan,” she replied.

“You could see it like that,” he admitted. “This touches on philosophical territory. Is it a bad thing that time relied on every person, ever, making the most logical and/or characteristic choice available to create the only iteration of that state of the world? I guess that’s the reason attractor fields exist, to specifically counter entities who try and cheat established causality if something would retroactively make them behave differently than they’d already done. But who or what made those fields, why, or why there is more than one attractor field for a previously singular worldline, I really don’t know. Are there only so many eventual ways time can allow reality to develop? Are those outcomes the attractor fields target pure coincidences, or did some all-powerful being set them? If so, why did that same being decide a dystopia ruled by SERN was best for the world? And why would it even bother to create the Beta attractor field as a backup; just in case some time travelling nutjob didn’t like the Alpha design and wanted a different one? Why were both those attractor fields so destructive to humanity? Was it some intentional deadline, a test of worthiness to the human race, to see if we’d get the required knowledge to steer the course of the world in time? And now we’re in religious territory, too…”

She nodded along. It was likely that they’d never find out the answers to those questions, interesting as they were. The price for experimenting toward that goal was simply too high. As a scientist, that irked her somewhat, but as a morally decent person towards anyone not wrong on the internet, she knew it had to be that way.

“However,” he continued. “I refuse to believe a person’s choices don’t matter. Like I said, I don’t bow to some god or fate. If an attractor field demands something, like the scene I found you in, I initially thought that meant you had to die. But making the scene appear as it once had was enough to satisfy it, and the result was completely different, even enough to trigger a worldline change – the only one ever done outside of D-mails. Seemingly small changes brought about by free will can have a significant impact. And even changes that don’t result in worldline shifts can be significant in another way, at least to the people around you. For example, when you kissed me, that didn’t matter to the world at all, but to me-“

He glanced away.

She did, too.

“Er, maybe that last example wasn’t strictly necessary for this discussion, assistant. My apologies,” he mumbled.

"R-Right, that’s enough of an answer for me. Let’s stick to Reading Steiner,” she agreed.

Before he could go on, they saw the waitress come back, carrying their orders.

Okabe’s plate looked downright bizarre, like someone had put a dough layer on two rolled up hedgehogs and consequently fried them. It seemed much too spiky to be safe for consumption. At least the brownish sauce and cup-shaped rice mountains were more appetizing.  

Her own order was a chicken curry dish with a variety of vegetables and a mild-ish sauce that reminded her of massaman curry. It smelled great and would probably taste even better.

But…

“Should we check it for poison?” she wondered, her eyes following the waitress back to the counter, where she then disappeared into a door behind it. Some part of her could totally picture the woman cackling maniacally around the corner, wringing her hands like some stereotypical cartoon villain next to an empty vial marked with a large X.

What could she say; it wouldn’t be the first insane waitress of the day.

“I don’t think she hates me _that_ much,” he replied, already digging in. “And how are you going to check anyway? By tasting it?”

“I was thinking of having you eat first, since _you_ wouldn’t be that much of a loss.”

“Ouch. Could you perhaps refrain from killing my ego until we’re done here, Christina?”

“Haha. That was a joke, of course. Please continue,” she gestured.

“Right… then let’s say that the model does work like we’ve just established. Wouldn’t you logically say that there’s only *one* version of you, then? Essentially, following a worldline shift, the same you is rewinded to an earlier state and then just makes different choices. It’s constantly the same drivers, or people, in the same car, or present, carrying them forward. That’s all there is to it. You have no danger of being overwritten, since you’re the same Kurisu throughout all these timelines. And therefore, those memories you’re experiencing are your own, not someone else’s.”

“Except there’s more to those memories of the other timelines, since they are presumably capable of destroying one’s alternate self, as is the case with you,” she countered in between bites. “What matters here is the mechanics behind this process of carrying over memories, which you’re glossing over. Your model doesn’t offer an explanation for those.”

“Well… If I retain my memories, and if it’s not because of some overwriting mechanism in place, then the only true explanation I have for this is that Reading Steiner protects my memories from being altered by the new worldline,” he reasoned.

She took a moment to consider that idea. It was a hopeful hypothesis, since it it were true, all her worries would be invalid. But there were some issues with it…

“So you’d argue that instead of being an offensive tool an alternate version of you could actively or passively use to project yourself into a new worldline, Reading Steiner is strictly a defensive instrument against the memory altering mechanism from the new worldline?” she asked.

“Right! And that is completely congruent with the theory so far.”

She shook her head. “Not entirely, I’m afraid. Think about it. If your mind is somehow completely closed off from this process of the world trying to reconstruct everyone’s memories, then why don’t you have any memories of the worldline you were placed in? What would stop you from acquiring these memories on your own?”

“What do you mean?” he asked in between bites of spiky, doughed chicken. ”If this process both involves implementation and removal of memories, as we more or less know for sure, wouldn’t being closed off from it automatically mean that I don’t have the memories too, since the implementation of memories would fail?”

“That’s not the issue. You can end up in a different location from where you were. That means some version of you was present in that timeline and did things there before you entered it. So why was that version of you unable to pick up memories naturally, just by being there and living life as normal? If reading Steiner were defensive only, shouldn’t you end up with an additional set of memories? It would be time rewinding itself and then having everyone live their new lives as normal. That should come with a corresponding set of memories, even for someone with Reading Steiner. But since it doesn’t, that makes it seem more likely to me that reading Steiner overwrites other, parallel versions of people instead.”

He didn’t answer immediately, obviously thinking. She gave him all the time he needed and returned some of her attention to the food on her plate.

“What if the new past is only virtual?” he then tried. “Suppose the universe somehow knows what the exact state of the world would be following some change to the past, then instantly reconfigures the world to fit that state and directly implants corresponding memories in everyone, without that 'new past’ ever actually having happened? That would also fit the premise of ending up at roughly the same chronological moment in time following a worldline shift.”

That made her smile, if only because of creativity. He was trying really hard, unwilling to just give up. She could see how that would have allowed a future version of him to eventually defy the universal will. “The problem with that is Moeka,” she answered. “You told me that when you went back to undo her d-mail immediately following a worldline shift, she’d already died. You then used the timeleap machine to go back further in that specific timeline to save her. So if that past was virtual and only existed in the implanted memories of the people, how could you go back to that supposedly non-existant past and live in it?”

He couldn’t, and he knew that too.

Seconds went by as he stared ahead, mulling over the problem.

She patiently waited for him to come up with something. If she were honest with herself, part of her was pleased that he was actually holding his own against her. If it hadn’t been such a serious matter, she might have actually enjoyed a discussion like this.

Eventually, he shrugged in frustration. “I don’t have an explanation,” he admitted. “But does it really matter  _that_  much? Again, I’m the  _only_  one with perfect Reading Steiner. Whatever fear you’re basing off me as the outlier is probably unwarranted for roughly everyone else.”

Not exactly what she’d hoped to hear, but if he wanted to change the approach, she’d comply. Maybe that had a better chance of leading to a solution.

“But are you really?” she questioned. “This leads back to your own theory of Reading Steiner being a genetic attribute of varying strengths, shared by many people. It makes sense, and I believe it has a high probability of being correct. It’s just that the implications of it are deeply troubling. And the effects being more profound in you doesn’t automatically mean everyone else is safe, so that’s an empty statement.”

“First, the genetics thing is still only a theory I have. Second, I was still always the ONLY one who was overwritten during worldline shifts, every single time. Maybe this is just another thing where having a perfect memory of the previous worldlines isn’t a good thing and works to my disadvantage.”

He paused for a moment, breaking apart the dough ball further with his chopsticks. “Actually…” he went on, “I do have some proof that stronger Reading Steiners are bad for people. If you recall, Luka was only vaguely confused when he - or she, back then - remembered something from another worldline. Faris, on the other hand, who was the first other person I noticed this in, was in actual pain, and she recalled everything much more vivid. That was almost in line with the amount of pain I experienced with the time leap machine.”

“That by itself isn’t an argument in your favor, since evidence for how dangerous it is supports MY theory as well as yours,” she pointed out. “How long did you stick around to watch over Faris-san after that?”

“Not long, I’ll admit. I reset the timeline less than a day afterwards.”

“So what if she just needed a bit more chronological time to acquire enough memories? Maybe she  _was_ in imminent danger of being overwritten like you,” she pointed out.

 “That’s a weak argument,” he insisted. “We’re worried about the effects of Reading Steiner, as defined by a measure of alternate timeline awareness, expressed in memories of those. It shouldn’t matter if chronologically a certain amount of time passes or not. If time keeps repeating, they should still accumulate an ever increasing number of snippets of memories from the short repeats, that only keeps building the more often the repeats occur. And if you’ll recall, I repeated the worldlines including Mayuri’s deaths _really_  often.”

“I’m afraid that’s not necessarily true. What if the act of resetting time also removed a portion of previously acquired alternate memories? We know that in each worldline shift, everyone’s memories are reconfigured to suit the new timeline, and that they lose access to all their earlier, normal memories. So why not the additional ones related to Reading Steiner too, thereby preventing a critical buildup of those? That would effectively protect them from being overwritten so long as you continued using time travel. Which you obviously no longer do. Did you ever extensively test this possibility?”

She ignored the still hard to grasp idea of the smallest of changes in the past being able to overwrite the memories of every single person in the world. The more she thought about it, the more it felt like actual magic.

He sighed, staring ahead. “…No. I never saw the need.’

“Then this still leaves us at an impasse, since it isn’t disproven that a person needs to pass a certain threshold of memories before they get overwritten. Maybe we should focus on something else.”

“…Such as?”

“Hm… my theory on the replacement aspect hinges on that it’s possible for the versions of ourselves in inert worldlines to find their way over here. Do you have anything that directly disproves this being possible?” she proposed, going with the first time that came to mind, after which she took another bite.

“Actually, I can’t help but wonder if it’s even correct to say I overwrote my other self. If you recall, all other parallel worldlines are ‘inert’ and thus only theoretical, meaning that the ‘me’ I ended up in was also just a theoretical ‘state of myself’ only coming into existence with that worldline. What am I really overwriting, then? I’d still say I was always the same person, even in my case, which is supposedly the worst one.”

“That argument is invalid due to causality,” she countered. “It again runs into the problem of your displaced location. You can’t argue that ‘Past Okabe’ came into existence only because you changed something in the past, because he still had to bring you to the new spot where you ended up in. And that, in turn, means that Okabe must have been active and existing there before reading Steiner occurred. He was a real, living person. And now all that’s left of him is that body you’re wearing.”

“That’s a really dark thing to say...” he trailed off, staring at his hands.

“But…?”

“…”

No reaction.

“Okabe?”

“I…”

She turned to face him fully. He didn’t meet her eyes. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“I’m… running a blank,” he said, shying away from her. “Maybe you ARE right. It would fit with how fate constantly wants to screw me by offering me only bad choices. I’d find the way to this worldline, after all that mental and physical torture, only to find out the *best* choice still makes a good part of the world’s population suffer for it. And if Reading Steiner is the cause, does that mean the responsibility for it would be on our hands? We were the ones who started all the timeloops…”

In that instant he looked fragile, tired on any number of levels. He was someone who’d seen and done much more than any normal person should ever have to. Just the events of this day had probably taxed him more than she had any right to ask.

But he was all she had for this.

She put on her best smirk. “Hey, what are you on about? The Hououin Kyouma that I know wouldn’t give up so easily.”

There was the smallest of smiles, gone as fast as it had come. “You say that as if you have a solution. Do you?”

She didn’t.

“ _Help me_ , Kurisu. I’m trying to bridge the distance but I’m not sure how…”

 It was hard to see him like this. It almost made her reconsider and drop the whole thing. Maybe  _she_  was the problem, creating issues where there were none? Only… now that she’d shared the possibility, this was going to haunt both of their thoughts if it went unresolved. Just like SERN.

“Come now, Okabe. You already performed miracles twice. Why would this time be any different, Mister ‘Omnipotent Handsome Devil’?”

She tried a playful nudge at his side.

It didn’t work. “I think you’re expecting too much of me,” he said. “I can’t routinely perform miracles! At some point, being afraid is a choice you make yourself.”

“This is something that doesn’t just concern  _me_ , though, and the reason I’m here is  _because_ I want to confront it,” she answered.

He hid his eyes behind his hand and sighed, obviously thinking.

The silence stretched as she tried to come up with something on her own, idly poking at her food. But for all her mental prowess, she came up just as blank as him.

She glanced at the clock. There were only ten minutes left till closing time; they’d have to wrap this up quickly.

Her gaze fell back to Okabe, whose posture was starting to radiate defeatism. It threatened to revert back to how he’d been a few hours ago.

That realization allowed her to put aside embarrassment and pride.

“Okabe, look at me.”

He did, slowly, evoking a feeling of deja-vu.

“Don’t give up; I  _know_  you can think of something,” she admitted. “I have faith in you, just like my Alpha worldline counterpart.”

That last bit  _did_ work. “…Huh? How do you know that?” he asked, surprised. “And faith in me to do what, exactly? She wasn’t even aware of the time machine plan to save her when the Alpha worldline ended. Hell, even _I_  wasn’t. That was something the me from the future of the Beta worldline came up with.”

“Don’t sell yourself short. And I know, because I saw the memory, the final one. She had hope that you’d somehow, despite everything, still find a way. And here we are, aren’t we?”

“’The final one’? You mean, where I pressed-“

She nodded. “Yes, that one.”

“You… actually saw that memory from your side!?” he exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders. “Then tell me! Did she, or rather you- !“

He stopped, realizing what he was doing, and instantly let go. “A-ah, sorry. I just… it’s a question I was struggling with a lot, these last weeks… I kept asking myself if she -“

Something changed in the way he looked. 

“‘She’…” he mumbled.

And life suddenly returned to his features. “Wait. I… I think I have it!”

That outburst caught her off-guard a second time in the last ten seconds. “Y-You do?”

He nodded. “You say you’re afraid of being replaced by Alpha worldline Kurisu, right?”

“Um, yes? Obviously?”

“Then let me ask you a question: Which one?”

She blinked. “What do you mean, ‘which one’?”

“We’re referring to ‘Alpha worldline Kurisu’ as a person, a singular entity. But that’s a false premise. What we’re really referring with that term is  _every single iteration_  of yourself from the worldlines near that attractor field throughout every single repeat of time there, of which there are dozens. Thus, ‘Alpha worldline Kurisu’ isn’t a ‘she’, it’s a ‘they’,” he explained.

“And that matters… why?”

“Think on it!” he pressed. “Your theory is that having a large enough mass of alternate memories would somehow allow the corresponding alternate version of that person to completely overwrite their own memory and consequently take over the body. If you’re really correct about the finer mechanics workings of Reading Steiner, then this makes a HUGE difference. Each of those countless other versions of you only has,  _at most_ , a few days’ worth of unique memories. Compared to the rest of that person’s life, or even the two months of unique memories everyone has here in the Steins Gate worldline, those are very small numbers, making it very unlikely any one of those would ever be able to build up the required amount of memories. Or are you claiming those separated entities would somehow all be able to double team you to overwrite you? Even you have to admit that sounds very flimsy. Only ONE of you can be in control at any given time, right?”

Even as he said it, she recalled her earlier thoughts:  _‘Was she a coward compared to all the Kurisus who went before her?’_

That had glanced on the answer; she’d already realized there had been more than one but had failed to fully realize the implications.  

Feelsbadman.

Well, she’d at least realized she was better off not doing it by herself, and that plan had worked. So she could still claim some credit for it, right? It totally wasn’t like she was starting to become over-reliant on some overgrown cartoon figure wannabe…

She smiled anyway. “I… suppose that’s true! See; I knew you could do it.”

#things she would normally never tell him.

But still, that line of thought _was_  solid.

Looking at it from that perspective, it  _should_ be pretty easy to resist any of those attempts to potentially take her over. None of the other versions would have had enough time to build up enough alternate memories.

Wait…

Enough time…

…Could it be?

Surely it couldn’t be THAT simple, could it?

She slowly leaned forward, and asked the question burning in her mind. “Okabe, how long did switching worldlines take for you, timewise?”

Okabe blinked, then blinked again. “Er, come again? Why bring this up?”

“Just answer the question!” she insisted. “You said you saw the divergence number change  _and_  remain in your view when the worldline did. How much time do you estimate was between you leaving the old worldline and arriving at the new one, going by how long you saw that image?”

“Um… I’d say somewhere between ten and twenty seconds, followed up by a lingering sensation of vertigo as I came into the new one.”

And with that, she sunk back into the couch, sighing in relief.

She laughed and said the words she never thought she’d say a second time this day. “I’m an idiot. No, scratch that, I’m a complete moron!”

“Er… are you okay, assistant?”

“Better than okay! I just realized what we’ve been overlooking in his model; the thing that still allows your old model of Reading Steiner being a defensive mechanism to be correct!”

 She leaned forward, radiating excitement.

 He did, too. “Really!? Then what is – no, wait, you already said that. But how does it relate to-?”

 “It’s the speed at which the world has to reconfigure everything,” she replied, smirking triumphantly. “If we assume the altered past following a change is real, then there is one final way in which you wouldn’t have memories of the new worldline. That is if everything around you happens too fast for your mind to make sense of it! And wouldn’t you say ten to twenty second for a rebuilding of the entire world is near instantaneous?”

“I see! But… wait… what about me ending up at a different location, then? Wouldn’t I need to have made conscious decisions to get there?”

“That’s an assumption I made, but that could well be wrong. We’re talking about a mechanism able to completely alter reality as it expects it to be appropriate, including physically shaping the entire world and rewriting the collective memories of every sentient being on it,” she reasoned. “Its confirmed workings are already so fantastical in nature that they border on the supernatural, at least by our current scientific knowledge. Why wouldn’t it be able to just teleport you there if it calculated that you would have gone there following an appropriate alteration of the past? Maybe it couldn’t account for the extreme stubbornness of your mind, but still physically place you where it wanted you to be.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” he said, smiling. “And your theory would then also mean I was close to the answer when I proposed the idea of a virtual past and an instantaneous rebuild,” he mused.

“Close yes, but still wrong, since you focused on the wrong aspect,” she smirked. “Don’t feel bad though; I didn’t have to outdo you on at least one of your own theories.”

“I guess I can live with that,” he grinned, gazing into the now-shallow depths of his doctor pepper glass. “The great Hououin Kyouma will take the moral high ground and admit that both our explanations are good models. I can’t immediately see any glaring remaining problems with them. For all I know either of them could be true. But we could also still be wrong, and that it’s yet another possibility that neither of us have thought of. We have no way to prove any of them.”

He looked back at her. “So the question then becomes: are  _you_  willing to accept either of them as the truth?”

She nodded. “I do.”

“And what if you’re wrong?”

“That shouldn’t matter. In both of our models, which are based off our best guesses of the truth based on all the information available to us, I’m either guaranteed or pretty much guaranteed to be safe. That’s enough for me,” she decided, grabbing her things.

“So… does that mean you’ll come to the lab with me? Regardless of what may or may not happen?”

The sheer hopefulness in his voice almost broke her act.

She simply shrugged. “I suppose I should. Someone questionably wise once said something really profound over how being afraid is sometimes a choice you make yourself. I’m not saying I agree with that, but I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try that approach once.”

He had no answer to that, but his smile was still worth it.

One poke at the bell and a card swipe later, and they were out.

She didn’t give Okabe the chance to pay for himself, as promised.

The older woman very quickly closed the door behind them, almost slamming it shut. She wondered if she actually  _had_ overheard them, despite their efforts to reign in the volume. If so, she was probably wondering what kind of drugs these pesky teenagers had been using.

Regardless, Kurisu decided she had liked the food, but that she probably still wouldn’t come back here any time soon.

Unless there was good company and no other avenue was available.

“How far is it from here?” she asked her companion.

“Three minutes, at most,” he replied.

By most accounts, that was a very short window of time.

But to someone who’d only had moments, that would have been an eternity.

Something had to be finished first.

“Hey, Okabe, before we go, about your question earlier…”

“…Yes?”

He stiffened and watched her expectantly.

Nerves almost made her reconsider.

But she couldn’t tell him to take responsibility of his alternate versions and then not do it herself.

She swallowed it away. “Well… I want you to know… that it wasn’t your just your imagination, or your guilt. At the end of the Alpha worldline, she… No,   _I_  was going to tell you I felt the same, but I ran out of time. I’m sorry.”

“Ah… that’s… I…”

He turned around.

She waited for him to face her again, but he didn’t.

She couldn’t hear it, but there was something about his posture… as if he was shivering ever so slightly…

“Okabe…? Are you crying?”

 He didn’t respond.

Then again, he didn’t have to.

Maybe it would have been enough to just leave him to this moment by himself.

But this was  _her_ fault, in the end.

So she scuffled closer, placing a hand on his back for support.

And when he didn’t react, she turned it into an embrace form the back.

If he needed to cry, she’d just hold him like this.

And when he was done, they’d visit the lab together.

 

* * *

 

**Author’s notes**

***Edit*:** I redid the discussion on reading Steiner to make it more logical and following some deserved criticism on the previous version. As it was, there were three major problems with it: namely that Kurisu directy stated what the problem was ('Your theory offers no explanation for how you retain your memories and have none of the new worldline') and that Okabe Immediately tried to ignore that issue (He continued with: 'Does it really matter that much? I was the only one with perfect reading Steiner'). Also, this previous version sort of assumed Okabe had no explanation for the finer workings of Reading Steiner, which felt odd to me given how much time he'd had to work with. Lastly, Kurisu originally had the realization that it was defensive at the end. However, that is implied by the story during the Suzuha/John Titor discussion to be the Canon interpretation  (I think? unfortunately still haven't had time to check, but even if it is, then it's never further explained in the story mechanically). So in the revised version, I had them discuss this issue earlier and then bring up the problems with it. Feedback from a number of readers was incoorporated to make it like this, so thanks again :)

Anyway, if you liked this chapter (or dislike it but still care enough), could you tell me your thoughts on it? I'm always interested to hear the opinions of the readers and what they believed worked well or could be improved upon :)

I intentionally wrote this chapter without either of Kurisu’s inner voices, Frontal Lobe and Limbic System, interfering. The reason I did this is that I’ve recently been getting a slow but steady amount of readers explaining to me that they felt their inclusion was overly jarring and/or offputting. This amount now roughly equals the readers who have specifically claimed they love those. The largest group, however, hasn’t remarked on this issue. Therefore, I don’t know for sure where the majority vote on this actually stands. I suppose this chapter is a sample of what this story would be like if they were completely absent.

I’d like to ask you as the reader if you liked it more with them present, with more humor, or absent, with less humor and a bit more realism. Based on that, I might have a better idea on how to handle this seemingly divisive issue moving forward. One idea that I had was to post a second, virtually identical story that specifically writes them out and replaces the resulting gaps in the text with other parts. If you particularly care about their inclusion or absence and haven’t told me your opinion before, is there any chance you could do so?

Regarding that scene where Kurisu runs back to the lab to see Okabe one last time before he jumps the world back to the beta worldline, it’s dramatically powerful, but logically it makes no sense. All it would take is one phone call from Kurisu to Okabe or Mayuri or Daru to (temporarily) stop Okabe from going on with the plan. And Kurisu knows what he’s going to do, obviously, so why doesn’t she? Is she so blinded by emotion that she goes completely irrational? Did she forget to charge her battery? Did her phone get stolen? I really didn’t want to go with the latter ones as that would be cringe worthy to the extreme, but even going with the first as best as I could still feels out of character for her to me. But that’s what I suppose happens in the canon story, so…

On the restaurant they go to, the real life equivalent is Kitchen Jiro Sotokanda. The ‘mad mince cutlet curry’ is supposedly Okabe’s favorite dish, the one he orders constantly when going there. However, the restaurant does not offer this dish according to their own website (I later found out they offered this temporarily as a promotionary special to the 2013 Steins gate story collection named ‘linear bounded phenogram’) . I can remember from the anime that Okabe orders a beef bowl there instead, but that’s not on the menu either. Additionally, the only thing the place DOES seem to offer, according to google translate, is lunchboxes instead of bowls. So from all those differences, I just decided to make it an actual restaurant that was open in the evening. I needed some place to put them other than the future gadget lab and didn’t want to repeat the park scene, since I didn’t think they’d just stand around to discuss this in the open.

On Reading Steiner, these were my personal best guesses towards their actual workings. However, I admit I still might be wrong, despite everyone's support in the previous chapter. It’s very complicated matter and the source material doesn’t do much in the way of giving a good explanation.

* * *

 

**Progress report (as of 09-07-2018):**

Chapter 6: 9000-ish/14000-ish. 

Hey everyone, quick update here. Yes, I'm still alive and still working on this :) It's just a bit of a busy period at the moment. As some of you have already noted, the baby I talked about in the other notes of chapter 4 and 5 was actually mine, our first actually. So... I'm currently trying to balance work and raising a toddler who doesn't really want to sleep with some remnants of a social life and writing in the very small bits of free time I have left. In case you're wondering, all those tropes and sterotypes you read about regharding how much work a baby is to parents and how badly your sleep suffers for it? Yeah, those are all true or mostly true. We still love sprout unconditionally of course, but from a writing perspective it kills virtually all my time (used to be I had between 3 and 4 hours each day to do whatever i wanted and now it's between 30 minutes and 1 hour due to the baby).

Because of the above I've decided to cancel the idea of doing a megachapter with like 25 k words as it simply isn't feasible to do in one go anymore. So I'm working towards maybe being able to release half of the remaining part 1 in a chapter 6 of around 14000-ish words this weekend. If I can actually do this, I'm not sure but I am going to do my best and take a bit of time off in order to accomplish it. 

In regards to the chapter content, I have to say the meeting of the original 4 lab members is a bit... chaotic/hard to write and a certain... really annoying (at least to me) plothole in the true ending is pretty impactful in steering things from there. I was considering leaving that one out entirely as I really struggled to come up with some kind of credible explanation, and to have a bit more freedom to explore different aveneus. But well, I started out this story to try and fill in some of those and leaving that avenue now feels like taking the chicken way out. Mayuri is also surprisingly difficult to write (what is her ratio of referring to herself as Mayushii compared to "I" to give one example, and to give another example - what is her exact level of intelligence?), but after some struggles I think I have a version of her that is true to the canon and that I like for the circumstances. More to come later.

 

Chapter 7: 3000-ish/10000-ish.

How exactly do the events of the day end for our heroes? Muahahahaha...


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter introduction:**

Thanks everyone, for all the support of last chapter! Based on some of the feedback, I went back and redid the conversation on Reading Steiner in chapter 5 as I have to admit there were some problems with it. I decided to leave the old one up on this site and upoaded the new one on AO3 in case people are curious to read the differences.

I'm sure a lot of people reading this probably wonder where the hell I've been these last three months. Well, as some of you guessed, that baby referenced in earlier notes was in fact mine; our first actually. Caring for her cut my free time down from something like 4 hours per day to like 0.5 hours per day, since she simply refuses to sleep during daytime – unless we're directly holding her, which isn't ideal for writing purposes. And yeah, she does fall asleep In one of those baby-carrying contraptions in which she is suspended in front of you… but then the sound of my fingers striking the keyboard wakes her up -_- We love her to death, of course, but from a writing perspective having a baby kills your progress rate.

As a result, this chapter was written very, very slowly from bits and pieces of free time. It is a lot shorter than normal, but I wanted to put it out now since I didn't want to leave my readers with nothing for too long. I hope everyone will enjoy it just the same!

Disclaimer: see previous chapters.

 **Edit:** this is the fifteenth or so time I tried to post this chapter. I kept thinking there was something wrong with the text layout but no matter what I did the site kept ending the chapter after the second paragraph. Until I saw that the original contained a single smiley that apparently hardcodes the site to delete all text following it, or something -_- I mean, really, AO3...?

  

* * *

 

 

"Well, this is it."

From the outside, 'it' wasn't much to look at, more of a rundown apartment just above the Braun Tube Workshop than anything else.

But inside were Shiina Mayuri and Hashida Itaru, if Mayuri's return message to Okabe was correct.

That meant this would be the first meeting of the first four Lab Members in this timeline.

In another worldline, she'd gone on to like Mayuri so much that she'd been willing to sacrifice herself, presumably in no small part for her. Their friendship had apparently been worth that much to her during the Alpha worldline crisis.

How did she even begin trying to re-establishing such a bond?

What if she said the wrong things and messed up?

When was the last time she'd been so nervous?

Her brain was all too helpful in answering this exact question.

 _'You mean, other than the anticipation of meeting dad for the first time in years, or the anxiety over having to give a lecture?'_  Frontal Lobe asked.  _'Which were both followed up very quickly by the 'oh my god, I'm going to die' type of nervousness? And we can't forget about all the PTSD-related stress, of course, which lasted up until… oh, I don't know, TODAY?'_

Kurisu sighed. Okay, fine! Maybe she'd been nervous for pretty much the entirety of her stay here in Japan. But still… she'd choose pretty much anything non-trauma related over this.

Complicated lectures on subjects concerning the current boundaries of science? She could probably do that. Even outside of her own field with sufficient prep time, probably. She'd done just that in the Alpha worldline.

Making friends with girls approximately her own age? Not so much. Sure, she'd apparently managed to do that there as well, but that was much further out of her comfort zone.

In this worldline, her circle of friends consisted of pretty much only Maho, unless you counted Amadeus as a person. But they were direct colleagues in addition to the only Japanese speaking staff at their department. Circumstances of availability and being part of a shared minority had thus made it extremely easy to bond with her.

But Mayuri and herself weren't a minority here, and the amount of time she had available was very limited.

"Kurisu? Are you okay?"

Okabe watched her from the side. His lab coat softly fluttered in the evening breeze. With his hands in his pockets, he was a textbook example of outward calm, a far cry to when they'd just left the restaurant.

…Maybe he even looked a bit cool.

Somewhat and just for a second, of course.

It must have been the lighting.

Anyway…

"Ah, it's just… I guess I'm a bit nervous about meeting Mayuri," she admitted. "What If I mess up?"

"Huh? Well… looking at it objectively, you never failed to make friends with her," he said. "I don't think you have much to worry about."

"That isn't much to go on. What if her Reading Steiner doesn't extend to memories of me? I'd like a more concrete strategy rather than taking chances. Do you have any ideas?"

"Ideas for befriending Mayuri?" He pondered it for a few moments. "Honestly, I'd say it's pretty much impossible not to get along with her. Pretty much anything not overly antagonistic will probably work."

"And what makes you say that? Are you looking at this objectively? Just because she's your childhood friend doesn't mean it will be as easy for someone else."

"Come now, assistant! Would I ever lead you astray?"

She glared at him.

"Okay, let's not answer that. In that case, what I can say is that Mayuri managed to befriend Moeka, whose personality I'd say is somewhere in between a depressed zombie and a rock." He gave her a playful smirk. "I'm pretty sure that if someone like Moeka can do it, you can too."

She sighed, partly in relief, partly in frustration. For one, that still wasn't any concrete advice, and second, there was one glaring complicating factor…

"I suppose," she said, sidestepping that issue for now.

She could feel him frowning at her, obviously knowing something was up.

"Do you want some time alone with her?" he offered, apparently deciding not to pry.

"If possible, yes."

He nodded and shifted his gaze back towards the building. "Okay. I'll find some way to keep Daru busy. And speaking of him, he's a huge pervert, but deep down he's a good person."

She chuckled. "Not that different from you, then."

That made him smile. "I love you too, assistant."

She immediately looked away. "Don't throw that around so casually! …It detracts from the experience."

"But it's only the second time, I think?"

"At least the third, unless you just decided to kiss me in the other worldline with no warning whatsoever."

"Who's to say I didn't? And it's not like telling someone you love them is a hard requirement before being able to kiss them, Christina."

"It is if you want to avoid grievous bodily harm and being sued for sexual harassment, at least when it comes to me," she countered.

He smiled. "Hm. So if you do it, I'm just supposed to take it. But If I were to do it, you feel it's justified to destroy me? That somehow doesn't seem fair."

She smirked. "You're a guy. Deal with it."

"Haha, that's the spirit, assistant! Just stick to your usual spunk and friendliness and you'll be fine."

She took a deep breath. "Right, then let's go."

The first step was the hardest, as it brought them from the shadows into full, unobstructed view from the lab's window. If anyone looked outside now, she'd be seen for sure.

Then came the second one, and-

-a hand on her shoulder pulled her back out of view.

"Wait a second, Kurisu."

Even if her their time together here had been very short, she knew him well enough to know that whenever he used her actual name, it was serious business.

He looked straight at her, his expression unreadable.

"Okabe? Is something wrong?"

"Actually… there are a few things we should discuss before going in."

"Which are?" she asked, somewhat annoyed. Couldn't they have done this anywhere else along the way?

"First, I'm honestly still not sure what to do about Daru," he began. "Mayuri, if she knows the truth, should be harmless. But him… if he decides to try hacking SERN and he somehow does get caught… is that worth the risk? What if I did overestimate him?"

Okay, maybe that was a valid concern. And it was also true that they'd had a lot to talk through, and that he'd been too busy recomposing himself for the last few minutes…

"If Hashida-san is smart enough to hack them, wouldn't he also be smart enough not to do it?" she reasoned. "Assuming you give him all the relevant knowledge, of course."

"By that same logic, shouldn't a group of teenagers smart enough to mess with time itself also be smart enough not to?" he asked in return, gazing to the windows above the store.

She blinked. "Er… well…"

"But I suppose you're right," he continued, nodding. "I'll just have to stress the importance."

"So we're good to go?"

"Not yet. A second issue is how and where we're discussing this. The future gadget lab is located on top of a store run by a SERN operative, a regional coordinator even. And since he's renting the place to us as a landlord, can we really be sure it's safe to discuss the full truth there?"

"This, coming from the person who went out of his way to point out how incompetent SERN really was?" she asked.

He didn't answer immediately and stared at the closed store, lost in thought. When it continued past the first few seconds, she took the opportunity to quickly glance at the timer on her phone, which read 22:40. That meant they'd spent the last 9 or so hours together. Somehow it felt more like weeks, if not months.

There was also one new message, from mom. Taking time zones into account, her mother would have sent that message somewhere between 3 and 4 hours after midnight. Typical, she supposed.

She opened it anyway.

Hello Curie, enjoying your last week in Tokyo? That aside, I hope there have been no worrying developments regarding your missing psychotic stalker?

She sighed and closed it, thinking of how bizarre a technically truthful response to that would be:

'Hi mom! Things are just peachy here. And yes, actually - I found him, spent most of the day with, hugged him a few times, went to lunch AND dinner with him, kissed him, discussed the natures of time and the universe with him again and I'm about to enter his sort of room at a time close to midnight. We also might technically be engaged. Oh, and I've learned time travel does exist and that all of this mess is perfectly explainable, though I can't really tell you about it because of dangers to this reality itself. Other than that, no, nothing new to report. Kkthxbye! -Kuri'

…She'd need a better story.

In retrospect, telling her mom what had happened at Radi-kan concerning Okabe had been a mistake. But there was no way she could have known that at the time, and she'd been traumatized. It had been natural to tell her mother everything in an attempt to find solace following the event.

And she had – everything from attacking her with the taser to putting her into the blood to his strange parting dialogue which she was also sure then she wasn't supposed to hear. And that parting dialogue sounded all sorts of creepy to the average outsider, such as the bit on time spent together not coming back, and that he was apparently willing to die for that. They'd never spent time together on that worldline, after all, and then there was the whole dragging her into a pool of his blood thing. It was probably only natural outsiders like the police had labelled Okabe as obsessed and insane.

Yes, he'd saved her from the attempted murder, but said person had seemingly known that was about to happen, which made it likely he'd been working either with the intended murderer or had done so until very recently. He'd also already 'attacked' her once and was on the loose out there, supposedly not too far away from her.

Considering that, it had probably been a miracle her mom had allowed her to stay. Would she have allowed her hypothetical daughter to do the same?

She supposed the fact that her 'savior' had supposedly lost critical amounts of blood and had a good chance to be dead, along with a multitude of precautions ranging from things such as accepting temporary police protection, changing the hotel, no longer attending classes at the high school she'd temporarily been assigned to, changing her phone number (just in case) and cancelling all of her other previously planned events had been enough to temporarily sway her mother. The rest had just been acting on her part, while she searched in secret.

Somewhere in the near future, she'd need to construct a flawless excuse for why her maybe boyfriend perfectly resembled the description of the guy she'd given back then. He couldn't possibly be the actual guy who'd done all those seemingly horrible things, obviously!

Maybe "Ah, it's just a coincidence that they look completely identical!" would have been less suspicious if she, you know, had actually ever dated someone else before. And this was a very odd time to start doing so - almost immediately following some quite horrible events.

She could already imagine the accusing stare piercing through all lesser subterfuge, leaving her with 'Stockholm Syndrome' as the only explanation that didn't involve exposing time travel.

And her mom had a very bad history with time travel as a subject, considering that had been what had ultimately ruined Nakabachi and consequently tore their family apart.

…The only thing other than herself, that was.

She doubted either explanation would go down well.

"…That doesn't really change the fact that we need to be careful here," Okabe finally continued, lowering his voice and drawing her back to the present. Her mom was a worry for a different time. "SERN might be incompetent and ridiculous as a whole, but if we make a careless mistake and somehow give them the idea we know how 'that' works, we could very well be forced back into Alpha worldline. That would make everything we've done pointless."

The closed, quiet building of a store selling outdated TV's really didn't scream 'EVIL HEADQUARTERS' in her humble opinion. But she supposed that was the idea of any front for any shady operation. Maybe it made sense to pick a store that dealt in things that were less likely to give you a lot of customers, so you had a lot of free time to do your actual criminal activities. Then again…

"Are you really sure this place has more than a surface connection with them?" she asked just as quietly. "I know it is what one of their regional coordinators uses as a cover for his day to day life and income, true, but that doesn't automatically mean that more of SERN's activities are somehow connected to this store, or this building for that matter. Maybe there's nothing here relating to SERN other than Tennouji himself."

"That's true, but I'd say a lingering SERN presence is still at least a plausible concern."

Fair enough.

"Okay, then how do you suppose they would be able to overhear us? By installing hidden surveillance equipment inside of the lab?" she asked.

"That's one option, yes."

She frowned. "Do you really think Tennouji is the kind of person who would install hidden microphones in the building he's renting out to a couple of teenagers, and with no prior warning whatsoever? In this timeline, you supposedly had no suspicious interactions with him."

He nodded along as she raised her doubts. "First, we can't be completely sure that Mister Braun doesn't have some affinity for Reading Steiner," he began, then shook his head. "But that's not the main issue. You're correct in that Mister Braun probably wouldn't do something like this – I'd assume he's at least too sick of 'Hououin Kyouma' to ever want to hear more of him," he continued. "However, that doesn't necessarily mean SERN itself wouldn't wiretap the building. As we discussed, they have killing their own operatives as a standard policy, as a way to remove loose ends. Wouldn't it make sense for them to keep tabs on their regional coordinators, in ways they themselves might not be aware of? Maybe he just rented us the place without knowing SERN would be listening in on us."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but anyone hearing your Kyouma persona talk for more than like fifteen seconds would be VERY hard pressed to continue this constant surveillance," she said, completely serious.

He smiled. "I'll take that as a compliment, I think. But even that won't help us here, since it only takes one reading of a serious conversation on time travel for us to lose. And who is to say they don't have automated systems scanning conversations for certain key word combinations? No amount of 'him' would turn off a computer."

"Okay... in that case, if the building was always tapped, don't you think SERN would have acted faster than they'd done in the past?" she mused. 

"This isn't the same worldline, meaning what was true in the past doesn't necessarily hold up here," he countered. "And we already know SERN really likes to wait things out, considering how much time they gave us when their spy directly overheard us discussing dangerous information on them. What if they were on to us from the start and were just content to wait and see what happened? Maybe they DID actively decide to do something sooner; what if my meeting with Moeka was much less random than I thought? If she was sent specifically at me to prey on my chuunibyou paranoia by taking pictures of me, and then intentionally using that as leverage to blackmail me into letting her into the lab, then at the very least SERN had some credible plan from the start. But they couldn't know this unless something tipped them off earlier, either with the intercepted text from the future and somehow tracking me down from that, or actual surveillance. I feel we cannot ignore the second possibility."  

She took a moment to consider that. It made a lot of sense, and she was suddenly much less eager to go inside. "Then what do you propose?"

He sighed. "The safest bet would be to cancel this entirely and have this discussion somewhere else. Maybe at Faris' penthouse and inviting everyone except Moeka there. That would also save us the trouble of having to do this multiple times."

It was a sensible suggestion. Logically it probably made the most sense.

…But the lab was right there…

"After coming all the way here?" she groaned. She wasn't entirely sure if she was more annoyed at him or at herself for also not thinking this through in advance. "Please tell me you have an alternate suggestion. I know planning isn't your strongest point, but if you were aware of all of this then surely you saw this issue coming? Also, we do have a deadline…"

Imposed by her, consisting of only seven days, a plane ticket and a very strict university. If that was all the time remaining here for the next x months, then even a single day was a significant time loss. Also, too much of her recent history had already been spent wallowing in fear and uncertainty. As far as she was concerned, it was time to deal with the past right now.

"There's always the roof," he suggested, shifting his gaze upwards. "It's not completely safe though, as it runs into a similar problem. What if any of the other tenants is also a SERN agent assigned specifically to watch Mister Braun, and he or she hears us talk through any of those open windows up there?"

"Isn't this taking your worries a bit far?"

"Maybe. But again, if this backfires… The stakes are extremely high."

"And the odds extremely low," she countered. "For this to happen, that hypothetical other SERN agent would first have to exist. Then, he or she'd have to have both a room in this apartment, along the top floor, have the window open and be present here at this time despite Tennouji-san not living here and being presumably at his home halfway across the district, which is at odds with the agent's hypothetical job of keeping tabs on him. Then, they would have to be both not asleep yet and hear the conversation on the roof clearly enough for it to make any sense to them."

She inspected the roof and the streets surrounding them, beginning the calculation for a risk assessment. "If we judge the distance from the center of this roof to the window to be about 30 feet, and a quiet level of conversation at 40 decibel, then by the inverse square law the sound will have lost roughly half of its strength by the time it got there, meaning it's already below whisper level."

Not a bad start, but that was still somewhat hearable, and thus theoretically still risky.

She wasn't done yet, though. Not by a long shot.

"Of course, this figure is still highly overestimating the actual strength, since that calculation assumes an uninterrupted medium of air between the source and the listener," she continued. "In reality, it would have to go through a solid concrete ceiling, making it impossible for this already weaksauce soundwave unless the sound reflected off of the building on the other side of the street first. That means it would be below 10 decibels, a level of sound even below breathing, before reaching this potential operative sitting inside the room. Basically, it would be close to impossible to hear and pretty much impossible to decipher. Thus, your worries are logically baseless."

She concluded her monologue with a triumphant smirk, daring him to object.

…And found him smiling at her.

"W-what?" she asked, breaking eye contact.

"Ah… nothing. I just keep being reminded of how nice it is to have you back."

…Unfair.

"Well if you need a more physical reminder, I could always punch you again!" she huffed, totally not embarrassed or anything.

Nope.

He flinched. "T-that won't be necessary. Talking is fine."

"Then talk. Out with it; why do you really feel this is a bad idea? As a scientist, even a second rate, less sane one, you should already know everything I just said," she continued, gratefully pressing for a different topic.

"I agree that the chances of someone overhearing us on the roof would be slim," he admitted, nodding once. "But… then again, so were the chances of us accidentally making the phonewave, then running into you, the one person realistically able to improve upon it, the lifter characteristics of the CRT TV coincidentally also available on the spot, as well as the direct line to SERN… so many unlikelihoods stacked on top of each other yet it still happened."

So he had reached the same conclusion.

"The real mother of time travel is coincidence…" she muttered.

"What was that?"

"Ah, never mind. It's something I used to think in the alpha worldline."

"Then you understand my hesitation, right?" he asked, then glanced around once. "What if time travel simply needs an excuse to exist, and it will? What if the slightest chance for it to be will be enough for it? The chances of it coming to exist as it originally did seem much lower to me than the chances of someone overhearing us, despite what calculations may tell us. And we know how it destroyed both main futures known to mankind…"

"That's mostly emotion over reasoning, just that it's you doing it this time," she said. "Didn't you say you wouldn't bow down to any kind of fate? But that's exactly what you're doing here: entertaining fatalistic ideas on par with your ramblings about things 'being the choice of Steins Gate'?"

She expected a wide array of possible responses from him, but she didn't expect him to suddenly laugh.

"What?" she asked, annoyed.

"Oh, I just find it ironic that you seemingly lost most of your important memories, yet you remember stuff like this perfectly. In this timeline, I never used that quote. The closest I came was 'the price of Steins Gate'. Is this a sign of your memories returning, or yet more proof how much you secretly enjoyed all those nonsensical talks with me?"

As promised, she punched him - in the shoulder.

It ended up being more playful than proper wasn't very effective - he only looked amused.

She then contemplated introducing his grin to the street tiles, but realized she still kind of needed him for the next phase.

"Ignoring that and trying to stay on track," she emphasized through gritted teeth," If your hypothesis is true, then it doesn't matter where or when we discuss this. Someone would overhear us anyway. Someone could have already overheard us, like fifteen minutes ago at the restaurant. Isn't what you're describing like an attractor field directly interfering on time travel's behalf? And those aren't supposed to be here. Basing your actions on this worry is essentially the same as giving into fear, going by your own words."

"Is it, though?" he wondered, serious again. "We're talking about the fate of everyone on the planet, essentially. Given that and what we know about SERN, at what point does carefulness mutate into paranoia, Kurisu? What measure of risk is acceptable?"

She didn't really have a direct counter to that. However…

"Then hedge your bets and do what you always do," she decided.

He blinked. "Which is?"

"Just 'Kyouma' it. Yes, that's a verb now."

He just stared at her. "Did I just mishear that?"

"No. Just act like a chuunibyou and be vague on the details so that any sane person who hears you immediately dismisses everything you say."

He laughed, then chuckled some more.

She didn't join in.

"Wait… you're actually serious?"

"Of course," she replied.

"Er… in that case, how exactly would this help us convince Mayuri and Daru?" he asked.

"It doesn't. But they should already know something strange is up, considering you suddenly appeared in the lab bleeding everywhere in this timeline. Also, we know Mayuri has some degree of Reading Steiner. And finally, they are your close friends, aren't they?"

Okabe smiled. "Yeah, that they are. Looking back on it, I guess I was lucky to have them."

"Then it seems to me that they'd be far more predisposed to believe you than anyone potentially listening in. So, if you want to cover for any possible uncertainty, depending on this seems like a good way to do it," she concluded.

He didn't reply. His smile slowly faded as continued watching the window. Then he sighed, hunched forward and rested his hands on his knees.

She reflexively moved to catch him again but stopped when he remained standing – barely. It didn't take being much of a genius to conclude he was somewhere way past his physical limit. What kept him up was probably only sheer stubbornness or willpower, depending on how it was defined.

Some mushier part of her, locked away deep inside behind multiple bankvaults locked with chains and separated from most of reality by any number of miniature black holes, relented at the sight.

Maybe this was too much to ask of him.

She wanted to do this now, but not everything was about her.

"Unless you're unable to," she continued. "Look… if you're not up for this yet, we can do this another time. I'd be annoyed, but seeing as to how badly you need rest, I can probably overlook your toddler-level planning this once."

"Always so mean… even when you're being nice," he said. "Do you still deny being a tsundere?"

"Do you still deny being a chuunibyou?"

He grinned, then straightened himself back up. "Okay, I can't back out after a statement like that. However…"

He paused.

"What about you, Kurisu? Are YOU sure you're up for this? We have no idea what Reading Steiner is going to do, and I suppose all of this would already be a lot to take in for just a single day."

"I'm fine. Now that I'm here, I just want to get things over with."

"But what If you have another panic attack and run off, or-?"

She cut him off with a glare. "Let's get one thing straight. I've had visual hallucinations for two months. The one time it actually made me panic was when I experienced DYING. I really don't think you have to worry about that happening. What happened this evening wasn't related to those in any way."

"Ah… sorry then, I guess," he replied, looking away. "It's just that I'd really not want you blindly running down the stairs and seriously hurt yourself by falling, or something similar. I've seen lots of people die for much sillier causes."

"Hey…" she began, before placing a hand on his shoulder. "I'm not going to run anymore. Nor am I going to stall and come back another day. I'm past that now."

Amber eyes met hers.

There was a certain vulnerability in them, but also a warmth.

He started a small, grateful smile, which in turn made her feel good about offering the gesture.

She started smiling as well.

She realized it was just about the sappiest possible way of two people feeling good about having their shields down towards each other and told her brain to shut up about it.

"Anything else before we go?" she quickly asked, when the moment started lasting just a little too long.

He looked away just as quick. "Um… well… how to put this…"

?

"Er…"

"Oh, out with it already!" she huffed.

"It's getting really late," he finally began. "If we give the full story to Daru and Mayuri and add a full tour of the lab, there's a good chance that by the time we finish, it'll be past the metro's operating hours."

She didn't really see why that made him uncomfortable. Daru and Mayuri were there too, weren't they?

"So…?"

"So… after we're done, how are you going to get back to your hotel, or wherever you're staying? Normally I'd offer to walk you home, but by the time we finish I'm not sure I'll be able to stop myself falling asleep on the spot."

It still took her a second to grasp what he was trying to say.

Wait…

She crossed her arms and carefully studied his face. "Hold on - are you suggesting that I stay here for the night? W-With you?"

Don't picture it.

Don't picture it.

That was a paradox, of course. You couldn't intentionally try not to think of something without still thinking of it.

The resulting imagery didn't really help.

Sigh.

Okay, then don't blush. Nothing to be embarrassed about. Just don't blush.

…Never mind.

Still, she could see some humor in how something this silly could throw her off. Compared to all the life and death matters they'd been through thus far, getting nervous over what was probably a platonic invitation based on genuine concern seemed a bit childish. It was a markedly different response from what she'd probably have had this morning, which would probably have involved panic and/or indignation in some way, if she'd even have a reaction at all.

All thing considered, her view of the world had changed drastically over the course of a single day.

Just like it had at Radi-Kan, but for the better this time.

"Um… well…" he continued, awkwardly scratching his head, "I-It's not what you think! It's just that it's safe here – we have locks now. You could have the couch, and I could use a chair, or the floor."

She narrowed her eyes. "Okabe Rintaro, are you REALLY sure this isn't some kind of indecent proposal?"

He let out an exasperated sigh. "Which of us is bringing up the subject of indecency here, assistant!? I'm just trying to look out for your safety! IS there even a more decent way to word what I just asked?"

He was flustered. It was really, really tempting to continue this into some sort of flirtatious remark, such as that she was disappointed because she wouldn't have been opposed to that. But it didn't seem entirely fair to abuse his weakness over something like this.

She held the accusing stare just a second longer before chuckling. "Oh, come on, Okabe. You're too easy. Thanks for the offer, and I do appreciate it, but I'll just take a taxi."

He blinked. "A… taxi?"

"Yes: 'a motor vehicle licensed to transport passengers in return for payment of a fare', for any dimwitted mad scientist who might be listening."

That made him sigh. "Be gentle."

There was a vague and somewhat familiar rush of emotions as he said it, but she couldn't quite place it. Was it another reference to some important event?

"I am," she continued, ignoring it. "And I'm pretty sure I can afford one of those, given that I've been living in a hotel for two months. Going back is a much more logical solution. It also saves you a lot of soreness."

"I… suppose."

To say he sounded reserved was an understatement.

She just crossed her arms in return, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I… have bad experiences with taxi's, and cars in general," he clarified. "Haha, I guess that says a lot about how messed up… well, everything has been. Still, isn't there any chance I could convince you to stay…?"

Ah.

She suddenly recalled he'd spoken about this hours ago, how Mayuri had been murdered next to him in a taxi during one of his failed escape attempts from the city. And he'd also mentioned something about her being ran over by cars and other vehicles multiple times.

"Again, that was because of SERN actively being on to us, supported by attractor fields. Neither of those should apply here. Those were your own words," she reasoned, ignoring the pleading ambers eyes fixated on her, which was harder than it should have been.

It didn't really work. He hesitantly altered his gaze between her and the building, remaining in the shadows. Almost as if-

"Okabe? This isn't about just being careful, is it? You're genuinely afraid," she concluded.

For a moment, he stiffened and looked as if he were about to deny it. But then…

"I… suppose that's true," he admitted. "It's just… I've chased this moment for so long: a future where everyone was safe and together again. I've tried dozens, if not hundreds of things to get here before, but they all failed. And now that I've actually gotten here, when I know everything is supposed to be fine… I can't stop worrying. Even if I keep telling myself that I'm being paranoid, part of me keeps wondering what the catch to all of this is. Am I really forgiven for my hubris? Or is all of this still going to blow up in my face?"

"And regarding SERN," he continued, "I can preach them being harmless all I want, but when it comes to following my own advice, it's hard. I know what the way forward is, but I'm hesitating to take it. Does that make me a hypocrite, Kurisu?"

"Of course not," she stated. "What you're experiencing is probably a state of continuous heightened awareness to danger, as with PTSD. Your amygdala is in a state where it perceives all passing stimuli as dangerous. Normal treatment for that takes months, Okabe; there's only so much you can achieve in a day. You can't simply decide to instantly stop being affected."

He just nodded, not surprised in the least. "If that's true… do you think they can even treat me properly? I can't tell them what really happened for any number of reasons. And even if I did, I doubt they'd believe me."

"I don't know," she admitted. "But even if they can't, there's a good chance it will still pass on its own given enough time. And… if it makes a difference to you… you did do a lot for me today."

For one, she was much more emotionally stable, and was talking to herself decidedly less often.

"Ah… likewise, assistant."

They held the other's gaze.

She felt there were a lot of things that could probably have been said at that moment. But for now, she'd just accept his genuine smile, the same way he accepted hers. These last months, there hadn't nearly been enough of that going around.

"Well? Do I look presentable?" he asked, gesturing to his face.

"Meh, I've seen worse," she replied.

"Ouch."

"What about me?"

"Acceptable at best, I suppose. For an assistant."

Kurisu looked away, smirking. "Well if you're back to your usual chuunibyou self, I say we go right now."

He nodded, following her gaze. "Together, then."

He went first this time, crossing the road, opening the door and then going up the stairs.

Her throat was dry.

Looking at it objectively, this was a monumental place in human history. The first ever time machine had been constructed here. It had been the cradle for the greatest invention ever, and she had been a large part of it herself - in a different worldline.

That knowledge filled her pride.

Yet, that same invention also had also virtually caused the destruction of the human race in all worldlines associated with both known attractor fields.

…Yeah, that did lessen the sense of accomplishment. Sure, she'd achieved something great, but it had been in the same way Oppenheimer had invented something great when he and his team had constructed the world's first nuclear warhead for the USA during world war II. Only between their inventions, hers was the far deadlier one.

Yeah. Something deadlier than a nuclear weapon – she'd built it. Supposedly assisted by only one other person, in a ramshackle amateur lab, without any special funding.

 _'Git Gud, Oppenheimer!'_ Lymbic System cheered.

 _'AHEM – Six BILLION people died!'_  Frontal Lobe scoffed.

'…Still owned?'

She shook herself out of it – none of this really mattered at the moment. Yes, once upon a time, the time machine had existed, and it had been important - important enough for a SERN strike team to cross this same hallway with far less noble intentions…

…but in this timeline, it didn't. And if it was up to her, it would stay that way. Okabe was scarred enough as it were.

She looked back and saw the last streak of night disappear behind the closing door of the apartment building down the stairs.

Just a short bit in front of her, Okabe was already approaching an otherwise unassuming door.

It felt like there really was no backing out now.

Beyond that door was Mayuri, and if she had any luck, maybe something there would also help restore her lost memories.

What would she do if this didn't work? And what if it did work? Which memories were gone and how would regaining them alter her frontal lobe's decisions in the future?

It would have made an interesting experiment if the test subject hadn't been her.

She realized she was rambling and tried to calm herself down.

Okabe's hand reached for his keys.

She suddenly had a knee-jerk impulse to stop him, a gut feeling that they were forgetting something important.

Were those also just nerves, or-?

Too late.

Light slipped through the cracks and he stepped inside.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**Author's notes:**

If you liked or disliked this chapter, would you mind dropping a note to tell me what worked for you and what didn't? As a writer, I'm always curious to the Reader's thoughts. It's a significant part of my motivation to keep going, and I'll thank everyone doing so in advance!

I was originally intending to continue further past this, since I'm aware a lot of people probably wanted to see Daru and especially Mayuri. Well, I'm working on that. I'm having some difficulties getting the scene of them meeting the way I want to, and for that reason and not to slow down posting anything too long I decided to put that off for the next one. It's also a way to force myself to continue forward, since I feel a sense of not wanting to keep this from readers for too long. It breaks down the remainder into more reasonable chunks and makes it less of a mental juggernaut to go up against.

How much of a juggernaut? Well, the remaining word count is what I currently estimate to be somewhere around 20000 words (excluding this chapter). I could now do it in 2 remaining chapter with 10000 words with a natural cutoff, which is much less of an offputting prospect than trying to do 27000 words in one go or 13.5 k without a natural cutoff in two. I have almost completed the remaining two chapters in script form with the next one being partially worked through, currently standing at 10 k words for the two combined. That's as clear as a progress indicator I can give atm.

On this chapter's contents, technically I could have skipped all these things. But thinking about this logically, there are some issues to work through here. Is the lab really a safe place to have the 'debriefing'? And can Okabe really put aside all fears relating to SERN just like that, following his act in chapter 3? Eventually this sort of grew past itself to where this preparation could be its own chapter and I decided to go with it.

Oh, and look! The Frontal Lobe/Lymbic System issue has some plot relevance now! Actually, I was tending to remove them entirely since I don't quite like their projected inclusions in the last few chapters as much as they were in chapter 1 and 2, but I kept them in for now. I am planning, when this is done, to do a kind of director's cut as a near copy fic which removes them from all chapters and replaces it with some new content to deal with this issue. That way, both sides can be happy.

Unrelating to all of this, I've also had some inspiration for a fic based around Suzuha from the Beta worldline. But going there would probably mean ending this definitely at the end of part 1, as was the original intent, and foregoing part 2, considering the writing time issue. Hmm…

Well, that's all from me for now. If there are any questions or comments I'll try and respond to each of them. Kind regards and until next time!

Edit: I added a small paragraph from Okabe following a thoughtful comment from Astrogamer, asking if concerns on serveillance are really valid considering how slowly SERN acted in the past. 

 

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Brief introduction:**

 Hey everyone! I’ve been gone a while due to simply having a busy life, but I’ve scrounged together enough spare time over the last half year to write this. This is roughly half of what I was originally intending to post, but the 16000-word chapter was becoming a bit too large for me to oversee properly. Also, I didn’t want to keep it back too much longer since I know some of you have been waiting for an update and further waiting for the entire thing to be done would probably take another two weeks at least, assuming I get better from this annoying cold/flu soonish. I guess that’s the price of taking your baby to daycare a couple of day terms per week; it gives you some of your free time back, but they bring home the worst of germs.

 Ahem :’) Well, anyway, here is the next chapter. I hope you’ll all enjoy!

 

**Disclaimer:** I don’t own Steins Gate.

   

* * *

 

 

 “Hey everyone, I’m-“

 “OKARIN!”

 What looked like a blue blur crashed into him from the left, encasing him in what could only be called a bone crushing hug.

 Okabe only JUST remained standing, which by now was becoming a meme of its own.

“Pfwa- Mayuri!? What the-”

 “Okarin! You’re okay! Thank goodness. I thought that maybe you… I-I thought…”

“H-hey, slow down! What’s wrong?” Okabe asked, alarmed and awkwardly looking down on the blue-dressed girl still hugging him.

 Said girl looked up, frowning and disentangling herself from Okabe. Kurisu could clearly see the previous concern on her face warp into annoyance, which looked and felt really out of place on the other girl.

But right now, that didn’t matter.

Mayuri was _right there_!

She tried swallowing her nerves away and failed hopelessly.

This had been her best friend. She’d technically died for her, once. Their friendship _must_ have been very special and important to her. Actually, scratch that – remnants of the alpha worldline memories had directly confirmed it.

She was right in front of her, less than five feet away.

In a single word, she decided, Mayuri would best be described as ‘cute’, all the way to her big blue eyes, framed by a kind face and shortish black hair with multiple gravity-defying spiky endings arranged in a seemingly haphazard yet probably carefully kept manner. Said cuteness was further complimented by a beautiful, shortish blue dress and a matching hat, embroidered by a few small ribbons on the side. Elements of black, white and pink subtly added to the composition without ever feeling out of place. Overall, it looked like a highly skilled tailor had lovingly and ever so patiently crossbred a Disney princess dress with practical clothing, which really wasn’t that easy to do. She was forced to concede that Mayuri’s sense of style was hands down triple S-ranked, quite possibly better than even her own.

Thus, Mayuri looked like the most disarming and friendly person ever.

…Yet Kurisu didn’t have a clue on what to do.

How to make a good impression?

Alpha-her had had it easy, not knowing what was on the line going into this.

_‘Don’t just stand there! Do something!’_

She opened her mouth but came up short.

Suddenly, she was back facing an entire hall of students and critics, forced to give a lecture she didn’t want to give with just about everything on the line.

Somehow, this felt _worse._

At any other time, she might have found humor in how ridiculous that comparison was. But in those agonizing seconds of being taken off-guard and standing there with was probably a fish gape and hand halfway stretched out into the empty space between them, it felt like the worst possible failure. At best, she’d come across as stoned or something. She counted her lucky stars that Mayuri was too preoccupied with Okabe to notice.

“’What’s wrong?’” Mayuri repeated to him, “Okarin, Mayushii was _really_ worried when you didn’t come back from Mayqueen! Why didn’t you pick up your phone?”

“A-ah, you see… I guess I did put it on silent mode. I… had things to do. But I _did_ send a message that I was coming back, right?” Okabe tried, lightly pushing her back.

Meanwhile, Kurisu took the distraction to quietly take a step back into the shadows and recomposed herself.

“That was _over_ _two hours_ ago, Okarin! It took you _two hours_ to get back from the café when it’s only a five minute walk! And that was _after_ you were already missing all afternoon,” said Mayuri, not relenting in the slightest. “Where have you _been_ all this time?”

 “Well-“

“Mayushii and your mother didn’t nurse you every day so you could push yourself like this. You _need_ to take better care of yourself! The head nurse herself even told Okarin to avoid strechtu - stren- …Um…”

“Strenuous activity?” Okabe supplied.

“Yes! So why didn’t you listen?”

There was something comical about the way Mayuri tried pulling her height over Okabe, despite the massive difference in his favor. But what the other girl lacked in intimidation, she more than made up for in sheer cuteness. If the circumstances had been different, the scene might have made her laugh. It vaguely reminded her of a mother or teacher trying to patiently yet firmly explain to a child why their actions were inappropriate.

“I… guess you’re right. I should have taken it easy,” he conceded. “But you really didn’t have to worry so much. What was the worst that could have happened?“

She sighed. “…Mayushii is really disappointed in you, Okabe,” she quietly continued, looking down.

Okabe froze, looking for all intents and purposes if someone had stabbed him in the heart. Kurisu also stiffened – either by instinct, vague remnants of memories or just casual observation of the conversation so far, she knew that when Mayuri called Okabe by his actual name, something really serious was about to go down.

Whatever comical element there might have been previously was suddenly gone, replaced by a stretching silence. “Okabe, you were _stabbed_ only three weeks ago,” Mayuri said. “…You nearly died,” she then whispered.

“I-“

“But you lived, and everyone was happy for that. Your parents, Daru-kun, Ruka-chan, Faris-Chan and Mayushii. But…”

She trailed off, looking away.

“But…?” Okabe pressed.

No reaction.

“Mayuri, if something is wrong with my hostage then I need to know.”

He said it as kind as he probably could, which without the needed context made it sound even more insane. But now that she saw it in action, this strange bond between them, it kind of worked. 

Whatever had kept Mayuri back suddenly failed.

“But what if you were attacked again!?” Mayuri cried. “That person is still out there, Okarin. You need to tell your hostage where you’re going! Mayushii didn’t know where you were, or if you were all right! If you were attacked again, and Mayushii and Daru weren’t there… I…”

She finally met his eyes directly. “Mayushii would have to visit _two_ graves.”

Then looked away. “And I… don’t want to…”

Her voice was fragile with an undercurrent of genuine hurt, something was far worse than any measure of anger. It spoke of broken trust, of something pure callously discarded, even if it hadn’t been the intent.

Okabe was silent, frozen in place.

Maybe something like this was simply new for him, coming from Mayuri.

Maybe he’d lacked perspective on how the rest of the world would perceive his actions following the recent trauma.

Maybe it was an unfortunate consequence of withholding information on what had really happened from everyone else.

Maybe it was all of those.

But it wasn’t purely Okabe’s fault. After all, she had confiscated him for the entire day, and all of that had been spent dealing with the crisis fallout. It wasn’t like he had actually had much of an opportunity to keep Mayuri more informed.

Kurisu knew she had to do something; anything to brighten the mood. What sort of friend would she be if she let Mayuri’s trust and/or heart be broken and let Okabe take the fall for it by himself?

“I-“ she said, having absolutely no clue how to finish that.

“I’m… sorry for making you worry, Mayuri,” Okabe began at the exact same time, placing his hands on the other girl’s shoulders. To his credit, he sounded genuinely remorseful. That seemed to calm down the other girl almost immediately.

Kurisu inwardly sighed a sigh of relief; maybe she could leave this to Okabe, after all. He had his moments of being really dependable.

 “But if it makes you feel better, I wasn’t alone.”

 And he stepped aside.

_‘Wait, what? No! I’m not ready! Go back to consoling her, you idiot!’_

But it was too late.

The other girl’s eyes followed his, and just like that they re-met.

Blue eyes met fellow blue eyes.

Kurisu knew there was no getting around it now. But between wondering what to say and being too busy searching Mayuri’s face for the answer to the million-dollar question of ‘did she remember her’, the words weren’t forthcoming. Mayuri did have some Reading Steiner capacity, allegedly. So-

“Um… Okarin? Who is this?” the other girl asked, clearly uncertain.

…Ah.

Not exactly what she’d been hoping for…

To make it even worse, there was also no resurfacing memory on her own end.

It was a crushing realization: Mayuri had forgotten her just like she’d forgotten Mayuri. Whatever bond they’d had somewhere in time, neither side of it had made it through to here.

Her shoulders sank a bit.

Well… looking at it positively, they were at least on equal ground, then…

Face with awkward silence, Okabe immediately retook the initiative. “This is Makise Kurisu,” he said, gesturing towards her.

Somewhere to his side and further into the room, the sound of typing suddenly stopped. She hadn’t paid it much attention so far, but it was made noticeable now by its sudden absence. That absence was immediately followed by a prolonged, grinding, soul-wrenching creak, as if one of the world’s most unfortunate chairs loudly lamented its fate of having to carry whoever was on it.  

“After some deliberation, I… decided to make her Lab Member 004,” Okabe went on, followed by prolonged meaningful nod her way that screamed “ _Any time now, assistant!_ ”

A flare of anger pushed away doubts.

She huffed and walked forward, closing the door behind her. In passing, she noticed that the door had not one, but two locks, both of which seemed brand new. 

A very quick look through the room revealed a very messy interior, with equal parts living room and garage alternating at chaotic intervals. Boxes and parts were everywhere, as were cute-ish decorations and furniture. A yellowish, relatively dim light (most likely a very cheap one) illuminated it all.

Aside from Mayuri and Okabe, the sole other occupant was a drastically overweight yet also somewhat strong looking man in a green t-shirt with a yellow cap. Behind him, his PC displayed what looked like a cruise ship crashed into a glacier, along with a number of anime/hentai style girls clad in very skimpy bikini’s. Those contrasting quite drastically with the icy wasteland they were in. A number of strange meters were displayed along the edges of the screen.

That told her all she needed to know - this could only be Hashida Itaru, or ‘Daru’ as Okabe usually called him.

The alledged hacker silently watched the proceedings with a curious frown.

But all of that didn’t matter right now. She knew she was stalling, just like at the convention. The best thing to do was push through it.

“Like he said, I’m Makise Kurisu. Pleased to meet you both,” Kurisu said, smiling and sticking to the traditional formal Japanse greeting of dozo-yoroshuke. She was trying very, _very_ hard not to be too offended by what was probably a hentai game openly on display.

To her immense relief, Mayuri’s face immediately lit up. “Ah, another female lab mem!”

Then she frowned. “But… That’s the third new one today. And there’s Luka-chan too. Yesterday it was only Mayushii…”

“Huh? I thought you’d be happy to have more of our friends join us?” Okabe asked, glancing at her as he walked further in.

“Of course I like Faris-chan and Luka-kun being labmems!” she said. “But… Mayushii doesn’t really know Moeka-san or Kurisu-san. Mayushii needs to get used to having so many more other labmems so quickly…”

“Well, I’m really happy to be here!” Kurisu quickly said, trying to steer the conversation away from direct objections to her joining. “Your lab looks so… so…“

A further scan of the interior showed her a lot of oldish-seeming machines, like a ventilator fan, a CRT television and an absolute mountain of boxes on either side of the small kitchen, some even on top of the fridge itself. Machine parts of all different kinds seemed to be everywhere, haphazardly scattered about. Somewhere further in the back, she could make out a dark room within which the reflections of light blinked on many a reflective, metallic surface. Throughout it all was the faint scent of banana that seemed completely at odds with all the machinery.

_“So… filthy?” Frontal lobe supplied._

_“Messy?” Limbic system added._

_“Cheap?”_

_“Like a living room, lab and garage had an unholy threesome and this place somehow was the result?”_

“-great,” she finished, lame yet hopefully convincing.

Okabe shot her a look of amusement.

…Actually, the more she looked at it, the more she decided she _did_ like it. It was messy, yes, but at the same time, it was still was homely and had an assortment of Froggyfad and Upa merchandise to liven things up, often mixed with the boxes. Those gave it all a more relaxed atmosphere. And that scent… for some reason, it made her want to smile.  

The kitchen was a nice added bonus, seeming at least decently functional. There were _a lot_ of exotic ingredients readily available, ripe for experimentation. Perhaps brownies mixed well with motor oil? It would be great to cook with Mayuri once and have Okabe taste test the result! It was a definite win-win in the making.

She nodded, enjoying that prospect.

This place was so different from the sterile lab environment back home. It _was_ like the room wasn’t entirely sure what it really wanted to be. But that was fine, since it gave it a distinct charm. Maybe it was a representation of teenagers still trying to find out who they really were.

Or maybe she was reading too much into it and the people here were just too lazy to clean up properly…

 “Mayuri’s the lab’s head of cosplaying, “ Okabe said, drawing her out of her musings. “She makes all these great outfits for us.”

“Ah! That’s right,” the other girl said, brightening up again. “One time, Mayushii even made Okabe a custome of Kuoujiro when he asked her to.”

Suddenly, said mad scientist seemed very interested in the ceiling.

“Really? The flame user from not-Avatar, er, I mean, the king of histories?” Kurisu asked, amused and gratefully taking the opening.

She tried to picture it. The image of Okabe in an overly dramatic kung-fu pose came really easily, flames surrounding his hands.

_‘Gee, I wonder why.’_

…Wait.

Had she just given away that she knew more of anime than a self-respecting scientist ever should!?

“U-um, not that I’d know of this show or anything! Haha, ha…”

She was met with stares of skepticism, confusion and amusement, depending on the respective labmember.

“Kurisu is also pretty good with her needling, Mayuri,” Okabe continued, still grinning. “Maybe the two of you can make something together?”

“Really!? Another female labmem who is _also_ a seamstress!?”

The sudden enthousiasm was way, wayyyyy off the charts.

Kurisu laughed nervously. “Uh, well, I do a bit of it as a hobby…”

Okabe smiled. “I’m sure the two of you will get along just fine. So, Mayuri, do you have any objections to Kurisu joining us?”

“Hmmm…” Mayuri took a step closer, then another, and peered deeply into her eyes. “Kurisu… Ku-ri-su…” she repeated, as if tasting every syllable. She squinted as if deeply thinking about something.  The other girl was leaning forward so far she almost toppled over.  

Kurisu involuntarily took a step back. “A-Ah, yes. Like I said, I’m Makise Kurisu. Nice to meet you! …Or have we met before?” 

“Ah! No, I don’t think so. But it’s a really nice name! Can I call you Chris-chan?” Mayuri asked, smiling again.

And just like that, she was in.

 She couldn’t help but let out a chuckle over how easy that had been compared to how worked up she’d been over this. Of course, being in the lab didn’t mean securing the friendship yet. She had a clear opening, now she’d just have to not screw up and everything would be fine. She’d also have to find some way to thank Okabe later, for expertly manipul- er, setting up Mayuri’s approval. Yeah, best to call it that.

 “Almost everyone just calls me Kurisu, but if you want to, sure,” she replied, too relieved to care much. “Oh, and can you show me some of your work later?”

Kurisu wasn’t quite ready for the hug, but she got it anyway. “Of course! I have all these great outfits and I’m sure you’d look great in them.”

“Ah, that… sounds nice, Mayuri,” she managed, just as she let her go.

" _Wait, - what was that last bit?”_

“So, I take it you have no objections to her joining, Mayuri?” said Okabe.

“Nope!” she chirped happily.

_“Hold on, can we get back to what she said earlier? Is she going to force us into cosplaying? Aren’t those usually really skimpy outfits when it comes to girls? And did we just say ‘yes’??”_

_‘Shush!’_

_“But what about-“_

_‘Re-Shush! Get off my back.’_

_“No, really, not in front of Okabe, AND DEFINITELY NOT in front of some guy who’s supposedly a huge pervert!”_

_‘The top end of my back is where you are and I’d like you to vacate the premises!”_

“What about you, Daru?” You’ve been very quiet about this,” Okabe pointed out.

Said man gave no indication he’d heard anything said to him, nor did he move: he just stared ahead blankly.

“Um, Daru? Hello?”

Still nothing.

The mad scientist groaned. “Hentai.”

“Where is the hentai!?”

“On your PC. Also, welcome back.”

“Aw… Did you really have to do that, Okarin? I was blissfully replaying this super-moe moement of two cute girls hugging each other right in front of me.”

Kurisu inwardly groaned _. “Perversion: confirmed.”_

Had that already been enough to set him off? At least she’d had a warning…

“Yes! And if you’re done fantasizing, I was asking if you had objections to Kurisu joining us.”

The other man sobered and crossed his arms. “Honestly? I have _so_ many questions and objections right now, Okabe,” Daru replied. “But I’ll settle for the most important ones first.”

Okabe blinked. “Which are…?”

“First, what happened to your face?”

“My face? What about my-“

He reached for the side of his head and flinched.

Unfortunately, Mayuri’s gaze followed the movement and came to rest on the ONE thing Kurisu really didn’t want to draw attention to right now. She was so, SO close, even had Mayuri’s consent to be a labmem!

…Yet there was only so long that panic, poor lighting and very close proximity could do to hide Okabe’s swollen eye from Mayuri - especially since two out of the three were now absent.  

 “Eh!? Okarin, what happened to your eye!? Did you get into a fight!? Were you attacked anyway!?” she asked, instantly alarmed.

Panic flared as Kurisu realized she couldn’t tell the truth.

Okabe threw her a nervous glance, obviously thinking the same thing.

And neither of them had a credible alternative!

 “A-ah, it’s nothing Mayuri. No one attacked me, I just… well…”

_‘Got punched in the face by Kurisu really hard,’_ she mentally finished for him.

What was she going to tell her!? _“Yeah, I kinda decked your best friend (?) in the face because he was being a stubborn idiot and totally deserved it. I’m Kurisu, by the way. Let’s be friends?”_

Okabe clearly had no brilliant idea either, as he trailed off, unsure. It wasn’t very convincing and if anything only seemed to upset Mayuri further.

“O-Okarin, you were just out of the hospital today, finally okay… Mayushii and your mother were there every day…” she swallowed, hesitating. “If you weren’t attacked… then… did you hurt _yourself_ , Okarin? D-did you stab-”

Her lip was trembling. 

The sight of an almost crying Mayuri was too much for her to take.

Unfortunately, the same was true for Okabe.

They both apologized at the exact same time.

“N-no, I just fell from a table!” he quickly said.

“It was my fault!” she said at the exact same time.

Oops.

Mayuri blinked and glanced between the two of them, momentarily confused.

Meanwhile, Daru’s eyes widened in shock. “Wait, Okabe! Bro alert! You did what!? Are you telling me this girl seduced you and turned you into a normal!? Normals must die, Okabe! Didn’t we make a pact!?”

“I am NOT a normal!” Kurisu scathed.

“And she didn’t seduce me either!” Okabe said, backing her up.

“Oh really? Then what were the two of doing on a table at MayQueen _two hours_ after closing time? And how exactly did these ‘things’ result in Okabe getting a black eye? It sounds like some seriously kinky stuff to me. And in a maid café, no less! This kind of thing would _definitely_ make good fanfic material!”

URGH!

That sounded _so much_ worse than what had actually happened!

“Kin…ky?” Mayuri asked. “Daru-kun, what does that mean?”

“Ah, Mayushii! Come here and uncle Daru will happily introduce you to-“

“AHEM! No! Just, no! We don’t want to hear _your_ explanation, Daru! And what did we say about discussing these kinds of topics in front of Mayuri?”

“Lame! But sure, let’s get back to _what you were doing then, Okabe?”_ Daru countered, crossing his arms.

 “First, it really wasn’t anything like what you’re implying!”

 “Sure it wasn’t,” Daru snorted. “So how about the way back, then? It took you HOW LONG to get back here? _Another_ two hours? That must have been some walk. Don’t tell me you got lost somewhere between the glorious twin fleshy mountains of 3D-“

Kurisu reflexively covered herself. “W-what the hell!? Shut up, you pervert!”

Manners be damned, no one was getting lost between those anytime soon! Not even Okabe!

“But that’s not even what I want to know most, Okabe. There’s one thing you need to tell me RIGHT NOW,” Daru continued, completely unfazed, completely serious. “…Was Faris involved?”

“NO! And just to emphasize: hell no! We were alone like the entire time, and Faris left long before-“

“YES! THANK YOU, GOD!” the fat man cried, falling on his knees, “HE DIDN’T TAKE HER TOO!”

The other man facepalmed. “Daru. Do me a favor and die,” he groaned. “ _You_ might be an acceptable loss.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Um, Mayushii doesn’t understand,” Mayuri admitted, obviously puzzled.  Her earlier distress was completely gone - she probably _really_ wanted to believe Okabe’s injury had been an accident, even if the story presented to her was full of holes. “Faris told Mayushii that Okarin was helping her at MayQueen… but she didn’t say Chris-chan was there. And Okarin says he was there with Chris-chan but not Faris-chan…?”

Innocent eyes searched around for an honest answer and those were in very short supply.

“Ah, Mayuri, I was just… um… fixing the lights! And I simply fell. Nothing to worry about,” said Okabe, hands in pockets, trying to look composed.

“Y-Yes! And I just distracted him at the wrong time,” Kurisu quickly added.

“I’ll just _bet_ you did, Makise-shi,” Daru deadpanned. “This ‘distraction’ sounds both sketchy and hot as hell. Some guys just have all the luck.”

“D-Don’t call me Makise-shi! My name is Christina! Wait, no, Chris-cha-! Argh! Why do all of you keep giving me different names!?” she cried.

Unfortunately, the original topic stuck. “But Mayushii  works at MayQueen and Faris-chan never told Mayushii the lights didn’t work?”

Good game, well played.

“Ah-”

“Well-“

“Actually, Faris _did_ tell me something like that at lunch,” Daru said.

Kurisu blinked. What? Was Daru suddenly _helping_ them?

_‘Maybe he’s a decent person after all?’_

“Really? …Oh, I see! Faris-chan probably didn’t want to worry us,” the blue-dressed girl concluded. 

Okabe sighed. “Thank you, Daru.”

“No problem, dude. And seeing as our pact is broken anyway, you can thank me by telling me how you managed to score a piece of that.”

He pointed to Kurisu.

_‘Okay, never mind.’_

“A piece of ‘that’?” she scoffed. “I’m a person, not an object, you know! If you’re going to be a pervert anyway, then at least say ‘a piece of her’ instead!”

Mayuri blinked. “Huh? ‘A piece of her’? Did you eat Chris-chan, Okarin?”

Her brain fed her all the wrong images, and all she could do was look away and hope her face wouldn’t match her hair color. To her side, Okabe was also very deliberately not looking at her, most definitely thinking about the exact same things. That made it even worse.

_“Maybe we should reconsider this. We’ve only been here for ten minutes and I can already feel my remaining sanity slipping away,”_ her Frontal Lobe suggested.

_‘No way! We have to keep Mayuri safe from this pervert! Get behind me, Mayuri! I’ll protect you!’_

_‘Have you ever considered that maybe Mayuri is also a pervert and that she’s just hiding it behind a veil of innocence?’_

_‘…You’re crazy. What could possibly make you think that?’_

_‘There’s this huge stack of doujinshi novels at the back there, and unless Okabe or Hashida are into guys…’_

“Okay, enough with the insanity!” Okabe cried. “Can we please get back on point? You know what happened to my  face, now was there something else? We need to officially make Kurisu a labmem and then we have important lab matters to talk about!”

“Okay, Okarin. So what possessed you to change your mind?”

“Change… my mind? About what?”

The other man gave him a sarcastic stare. “What do you think?”

“Right now? That it’s very late and that I’d really like to get some sleep, but that there unfortunately are things I have to do first. Such as repeating the question of ‘What the hell are you talking about’ when I obviously don’t know the answer,” Okabe replied.

Daru sighed. “Really, Okabe? After all your previous chuunibyou crap on her, you pull this AND act like you have no clue?”

Kurisu shot a sideways inquiring look at Okabe, just to conform he indeed had no clue whatsoever. Which, as it turned out, he didn’t.

Apparently neither did Mayuri, who’d moved to sit herself down on the couch. She’d grabbed a Upa pillow below her elbow and leaned forward, still listening intently.  

 “Um… Daru, could you remind me exactly when we discussed Kurisu, and why?” Okabe tried. “My memories of before getting stabbed are a bit fuzzy. I heard something about some drugs having side effects on memories.”

He somehow said the last bit with a straight face. Obvious Reading Steiner cover-up was obvious.

“Ah, It’s okay, Okarin! You can take it easy,” Mayuri promised, patting his back encouragingly.

Daru, however, was less sympathetic and/or easily fooled. “…Is this some kind of joke, Okabe? Something to set me up or something? Because if it is, it really isn’t a good one. Though I can’t fault your sense of taste! You know I wouldn’t really complain much about having EVEN MORE super-hot girls in the lab.”

His gaze roamed over her in decidedly uncomfortable ways. It was well below socially acceptable level both literally and figuratively.

“ _My eyes. Are up here_!” Kurisu growled, taking a step back and barely resisting the urge to cover herself _again_ , even though she wore her normal outfit. “I’ve had enough of you, you pervert! Keep this up and you’ll find out just how expensive of a sexual-harassment lawsuit I can be!”

She channeled all of her mother’s best icy glare and saw him blanch. Even as she did, she realized she was maybe being overly aggressive towards someone who might have been able to still block her lab membership. But there was only so much of this she could take.

To her great satisfaction, Daru instantly backed away and laughed nervously, not daring to meet her gaze. Mayuri looked between the two of them and seemed like she was about to say something, but Okabe was quicker.

 “I invited Kurisu specifically for her _scientific_ prowess,” he quickly said. “And as you very well know, we have rules against copulating with fellow lab members!”

“We do?” the fat otaku asked.

“Obviously!”

“Then is it too late to revoke Faris’ membership?”

“But Mayushii likes Faris-chan being a labmem!”

“Okay, I’ll settle for just removing that rule entirely? Since, you know, Okabe comes up with random new ones every day anyway?” Daru tried, edging away from a pouting Mayuri.

“Look, no one is going to remove Faris from-“ Okabe began, returning Mayuri’s earlier pat.

“Hashida-san,” Kurisu cut in, automatically reverting to polite Japanese even if he DEFINITELY didn’t deserve honorifics, “I’d still like an explanation for your earlier outburst. What has Okabe been telling you about me before he was hospitalized?”

All three other lab members looked at her and she was worried she had somehow overstepped her bounds.

Then Mayuri and Okabe turned back on to Daru, who suddenly looked decidedly uncomfortable. Mostly at her.

“Um… well… actually, if neither of you know, then maybe it was just a troll and we should all just forget about this…” he mumbled.

“Daru! You can’t go making vague ominous statements like that and then suddenly back out!” Okabe cried, pointing the finger of accusation.

“Are you serious? Dude, you do the EXACT SAME THING every day, sprouting Chuunibyou bullshit about some organization out to destroy the world and never making any sense whatsoever!”

“That’s… different...”

“Don’t be mean to Okarin, Daru-kun. He’s still getting better!” Mayuri chided.

“Mayushii…”

He looked at each of them, still hesitant. “I shouldn’t. It doesn’t make much sense.”

“Come on, Daru! I’m serious – I’ve forgotten and apparently this is important. Tell me. Tell us.”

“No, really man, maybe this isn’t the best idea right now-“

“Just do it.”

“It’s your funeral.”

“Muhahahaha!”

The patented Kyouma-laugh took them all by surprise.

Kurisu and Daru flinched from the sudden volume.

Mayuri, however, gasped in… delight?

“Daru, my right-hand man,” Kyouma-mode Okabe said, “I admire your resolve to keep information from the hands of the Organization, who may very well be listening in on us now!” Ironic, she thought, since that could actually be true. “But in order for me to re-establish my reign following such a cowardly attack on me, I, as the supreme mad scientist, Hououin Kyouma, need this information from you ASSU SOONO ARSE PUSSYBULU!”

…She just hoped the Engrish was deliberately even worse than usual just to make the potential SERN listener want to reconsider all his/her life choices and promptly look for other job openings. Or, you know, kill themselves, which also worked.

To his credit, Daru quickly gauged her reaction to this, probably to see if she’d go running to the hills. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending how you looked at it, she was way too used to it now to be bothered. 

“Well if we’re going full-on crazy anyway, then sure,” Daru then shrugged. “Some time ago,  a few weeks before you were attacked, you started going on and on about someone claiming to be Makise Kurisu. This person had approached you through the @channel boards under the username “Kurigohan and Kamehamea”.

Kurisu froze.

Oh.

Right.

Why hadn’t she thought of this herself and mentioned it to Okabe first!?

“So you told me she was thanking you for saving her from some stabbing at Radi-Kan and that she wanted to meet you,” Daru continued. ”She’d been convinced you were also stabbed and might be dead, or something like that, when you were obviously fine. Of course, you were your usual Chuunibyou self about this and figured that she, I quote: ‘Was either the craziest and most deranged person out there on the internet, or a spy sent by the Organization specifically to lure, seduce and kill you and that we should avoid talking about this to anyone. Especially to Mayuri, so that if the two of us were to fall to temptation from this maneater, at least she’d be safe from this monstrosity.’”

Silence reigned in the room following this description of events.

Okabe made a choking sound, staring at Daru in open disbelief, who in turn just shrugged in an ‘I warned you!’ kind of way. Then the mad-scientist-wannabe ever so slowly glanced over to her with eyes that screamed ‘Please don’t kill me! Please? …Kurisu?’

Meanwhile, Mayuri nodded thoughtfully, as if the pieces of some elaborate puzzle had just fallen into place. “Maneater…? So Chris-chan ate Okarin too? I see…” she mused. “ W-well, it’s nice to hear that Okarin and Chris-chan get along so well. Haha… ha…”

The other girl sounded incredibly strained. Kurisu could practically _see_ the gears in mind turning, reconsidering whether or not having her around was such a good idea after all.

That pushed her strange equilibrium between finding it somehow hilarious and wanting to murder Okabe into the latter.

“OKABE!!”

“Ah, haha…!”He tried, slowly backing off, then suddenly pausing. “… Wait. You _knew_ about this, didn’t you? This would have been important information going into this, assistant!”

“W-well, it’s not like we didn’t have a lot of other things to discuss! And what did you just call me!?”

“That was the me from like _two months_ ago!”

She opened her mouth to object, then stopped herself.

He was objectively right.

She knew that.

And there was more to it than the surface statement: the him from two months ago from this timeline was the version of him before he went into all the timeloops. The actual time passed, for him, was much longer. And what Daru had just said was pretty much exactly what she’d have expected from the paranoid delusional version of him she’d first met at her father’s lecture.

The current Okabe wouldn’t have actually said this, since he’d entered this timeline at a point after this had all already been said. And finally, he’d consequently lost his memory of this timeline due to how his Reading Steiner worked. Essentially, it was the universal will screwing him over by constructing this timeline with actions it believed he would have taken, based on his previous, overly Chuunibyou self. If, of course, their theory about how timeline shifting and Reading Steiner worked were correct.

In this, he was essentially blameless.

…But to be called a maneater? Crazy? Deranged? A presumed murderer? Essentially completely without any morals? That was the single worst thing anything had ever said about her! It was hard to let that slide – to not grab that knife from the kitchen there and sagitally, transversely AND frontally dissect all of his sulci SO THOUROUGHLY that only the most obsessed anatomical genius could ever piece it all back together! 

It was so, _so_ difficult!

…But no.

She shook her head and, in a moment of what she considered absolute zen tranquility, forced herself to calm down. Continuing this argument was pointless and if anything would just further damage her image in the eyes of the other labmems.

“Actually, Okabe, that’s how you’ve always been, not just two months ago. No offense,” Daru replied, then shrugged apologetically to Kurisu. “Sorry to break this to you, but it’s the truth. Your guy is a nutjob. Please don’t sue me for warning you.“

“H-he’s not ‘my guy!’”

“And some friend you are, Daru! Oh, to have such a such a cruel fate, stabbed in the back by my own right-hand man! The lab’s founder, beset by enemies on all sides, even from within!”

“But… Mayushii doesn’t think Okarin is the same,” Mayuri said, squinting at him. “Okarin hasn’t been… well…” she paused, then made a vague swirling motion with her hand. “It’s hard for Mayushii to put into words.”

Kurisu waited on Mayuri to continue, but when she didn’t she took the initiative herself. “Um, Mayuri-chan? Just for the record, I’m not a maneater or anything else Hashida-san just said. I’m, just a normal seamstress scientist girl. …But not _that_ normal, of course!”

Daru gave her a flat stare. “Well, anyway, I’m more concerned something else, Makise-shi.”

She sighed. “Don’t call me-“

“The real problem is, if you are the same Makise Kurisu who sent that message-“

She knew what he was going to say, and still hoped he wouldn’t get to that conclusion. But unfortunately, Daru would be too clever not to.

“-then what was that about Okabe getting stabbed? Very coincidentally, the exact thing you were worried about happened to him just a month later. How do you explain that?”

An inquisitive stare met hers. The thinly-veiled accusations couldn’t be more obvious: she might have attacked him herself, or had either arranged someone to do it for her.  At the very least, she’d have failed to stop this from happening when she’d had prior knowledge of it.

To her side, Okabe went still, scouting the room. It was more subtle than he’d done back on the streets, but she recognized the pattern easily, how his eyes seamlessly slipped from part to part, object to furniture. It was easy to guess what he was thinking: this was starting to enter dangerous territory. What if SERN _was_ listening in? On the other hand, if they were, and they left NOW, right after discussing this strange possible temporal anomaly, it would be at least somewhat suspicious. After all, a much less obvious but still possible explanation to Daru’s claim was that timetravel had been involved; would SERN take up that lead? Did they already know about the phonewave, which had been destroyed in this timeline by Okabe and Daru not too long ago? To what degree had they performed experiments before and when had the possible SERN surveillance equipment been installed?

Gah – she was starting to become paranoid again…

“Leave her alone, Daru,” Okabe said. “That was long before it happened, so it couldn’t possibly be related. And I wasn’t attacked by her. You think someone _that scrawny_ could ever successfully harm me, the great and mighty Hououin Kyouma?”

She admitted it was a decent attempt, though she promised herself there’d be repercussions for that _totally unnecessary_ scrawny bit later.

Oh yes, there would be.

Mayuri tilted her head slightly to the side, silently watching him.

Unfortunately, that alone didn’t deter Daru. “It still seems a bit shady to me, Okabe. And we had a gadget that specifically-“

“It wasn’t me!” Kurisu instantly blurted out. If SERN was listening in, talking about the phonewave in detail in this context was _very_ dangerous.

Daru turned to her, obviously surprised. “What do you mean, ‘it wasn’t you’?”

“W-well, just like I said. It had to be someone impersonating me on the site, trolling you.”

“If that’s true, why were you so angry when I told you about Okabe’s reaction to this?”

Derp.

Well. Um. Yeah.

Rekt?

“It just… reminded me of when we first met. He said something similar to me back then, for no reason whatsoever. I guess I’m still not entirely over it.”

The green-shirted man just stared at her, obviously skeptical. “Nullpo.”

“Gah.”

Re-Oops.

“Interesting. You seem to know @channel memes, Makise-shi.”

“D-Don’t call me that! And it’s not like you have to use the @channel boards! That meme is very well known throughout Japan.”

“I disagree, and I thought the real Makise Kurisu had been living in America for years? At least, that’s what the tabloid article said.”

“I AM the real Makise Kurisu! And I’ll thank you not to mention any of those trashy pieces they write about me.”

“In that case, how do you know _definitely obscure_ @channel memes when you’re supposedly isolated from Japanese society?”

_“Yeah, Kurisu. How DO you know that?”_ she asked herself.

The lamest excuse was the only one she could immediately come up with.

She sighed dramatically. “Okay, I’ll admit it. I do use the @channel forums. But I have a different username.”

“Which is?”

“I-I’m not telling that to someone I just met so you can hack my account and do creepy things with it, you pervert!”

“Hey - I’ll have you know I’m a _gentleman_ pervert!” he countered. “And how do you know I’m a- wait…“ His eyes trailed to her companion. “Oh ho! Have you been telling the ladies about my many talents, Okabe?”

Okabe, however, only facepalmed again.  

She threw a meaningful look his way that screamed: ‘ _Well what else was I supposed to say!?’_

He shook his head, mumbling. “ _Not that. It’s just that I could have sent you a message instead of looking all over the city…”_

She made her stare bore right into him. _“You are supposedly a genius and in all your attempts to find me you somehow didn’t ONCE think of sending me a message through the internet, leaving all of this entirely to chance!?”_

He had the decency to blush. _“I just thought you wouldn’t want to have anything to do with Japan...”_

_“Then why did you look for me at all!?”_

 “What are the two of you mumbling about?” Daru asked.

They both froze.

“Well, if Chris-chan and Okarin both say it wasn’t her then everything is fine, right?” Mayuri reasoned, breaking the silence.

Okabe quickly nodded. “Correct, Mayuri. It obviously wasn’t the same person. Do you really think I’d invite someone that crazy into the lab?”

Daru coughed.

“…other than myself.”

The fat pervert mulled it over. “I suppose… Actually, no, I still have a lot of issues with this, Okabe!”

Said mad scientist sighed. “Even more? Like what?”

“Like how exactly you managed to convince an _actual_ scientist from a world famous laboratory to join a ramshackle lab like this?”

“I asked her and she said ‘yes’.”

Daru did a really good fish gape. “But- but _why_?”

“Why not?” she grinned, enjoying his incredulity.

Ah, sweet, SWEET revenge!

“B-Because I’d expect a world-class scientist to have better things to do!?”

“I was stuck in the area anyway, doing lectures. But in case you want actual proof, here is my Viktor Chondria ID.”

She produced the badge from her wallet.

He looked at it for a good fifteen seconds, scanning both the front and back. “Hm… it _is_ real, that’s for sure...”

“Oh, wow! So Chris-chan is a real scientist, like Okarin? That’s amazing!” Mayuri cheered.

“Thanks, Mayuri-chan! And of course it’s real, since I’m-,“ she blinked. “Wait, how do _you_ know what an actual Viktor Chondria ID looks like, Hashida-san?”

“…Lucky guess?”

Intensified glare: go!

It was super effective.

“Okay, okay!” he threw up his arms in surrender, and she reveled in how nice it was to have _him_ on the defensive for once. “In my… ‘other job’, there are a lot of requests for ways around your University’s security.”

“…What!? Are you making counterfeit badges so people can steal from Viktor Chondria!?”

“Hm. Stealing is bad,” Mayuri nodded sagely. Kurisu felt they were getting along better already, despite the conservatively estimated 50 or so points of IQ difference between them. Of course, that didn’t make Mayuri any less precious. It just meant Kurisu would have to be the big sister looking out for her.

Daru shrugged. “No, I passed on that, though I’ve done more difficult things in the past. These sorts of requests surface regularly, Makise-shi. It’s just how the world works: Institutions like yours draw attention from many different corners. Everyone wants the best possible technology and only for themselves if they can help it. There’s lots of good money to be made in the process and I’m one of the very best at it. Also, If I somehow still can’t do it myself, there’s a good chance my… ‘associates’ can.”

For a second, she could see the supposed mythical hacker through the thick smog of perversion that surrounded him. Maybe even a sliver of the man who could fix highly advanced future technology originating two whole decades from now with only what was currently available.

But…

“Are you intentionally lowering your voice?” she asked.

“A-Ah. Um. No?”

 Okabe grinned. “And for all that supposed money, he always wears knockoff sandals and the same cheap shirt.”  

…and it was gone.

Owned, as they said.

“Uncool, dude. I was having a badass, mysterious moment here! And you have no idea how expensive it is to collect all the hot waifu’s in the world!”

“Cry me a river! You should know not to flaunt your skills so that we can use them as a secret weapon in our fight against the Organization, my right-hand man! You are our coveted black blade of disaster, our Samidare Version 2.0D, which we will used to reap the sins of this world and cleanse it in the fires of destruction, plunging it into a never ending era of chaos!”

She couldn’t help but chuckle. It was so extremely overdone, even for him. But she saw the hidden purpose: It was so insane that anyone associated with this person would probably be labelled as just as crazy by whoever might have been listening in, thereby probably enough to get Daru out of trouble with the potential SERN eavesdroppers.

Daru sweatdropped. “O…kay? So Okabe, I’ve been wanting to ask this for a while, but how come you’ve never once been arrested for what you actually say?”

“Muahahaha! Arrest me, the great and mighty HOUOUN KYOUMA? Deep down, the unenlightened know that I am their savior, breaking their chains of slavery to fate! They would never strike at the one hope they secretly hold for salvation!”

Such irony. This was technically also true. But no one would ever take it seriously.

“And now _, I’d really like to get this lab meeting started_ ,” Okabe emphasized, dropping his act.

The hacker looked between the two of them one more time. “I just… but… ARGH! Is is really that easy for you, Okarin? You just walk up to all these hot girls, ask them to join your group and they all just say ’yes’!? Even the really famous ones?”

Okabe grinned. “Pretty much.”

“And you didn’t _just_ make Makise-shi a lab mem, Okabe, but also lab member 004!” The fat hacker continued. “So for some reason you gave numbers 004 AND 005 to _complete strangers_ over Faris-chan And Luka-kun, even though both of them are much closer to us?”

“W-well, I can explain…”

“What sort of secret Chuunibyou double life have you been living Okabe!?” the other man shouted. “And how did it get all those hot girls to suddenly accept becoming lab mems!?”

In turn, Okabe gave a prolonged sigh. “You know, Daru, if you actually got off of that PC of yours for once, you’d meet more girls yourself! Go out there and date a few for once. And as for why I made Kurisu lab member 004 despite all of your previous objections…”

He took a few paces into the center of the room, carefully considering his answer as he went.  

All three other lab members leaned in to hear what sort of genius explanation could account for all this insanity.

“I… lost count!” he boldly declared, dramatically swirling around his labcoat.

She could swear she heard the crickets chirping somewhere in the back. If that didn’t bring the point home for SERN, _nothing_ would.

“Chuunibyou. Fail,” was all Daru said.

To be fair, an echo of her once, more sane self couldn’t help but agree with him - just this one time, of course.

“Now, my fellow labmembers, follow me to the roof!”

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

**Author’s notes:**

If you liked or disliked this chapter, could you perhaps drop a note and tell me what worked and what didn’t? I’m always eager to hear what the readers think and I try to respond to all comment.

That aside, this was more of a humoristic chapter than anything else. If you’re not into that, don’t worry - I had planned the second part to be more plot and feels-heavy and I hope that won’t take too long to finish. I had a ton of revisions in place here – this conversation could go anywhere in any order. In the end, I found that this worked the best, even if I did have to come up with some flimsy excuse for why Mayuri doesn’t immediately notice Okabe’s swollen eye :’)

When writing this, I found Mayuri very hard to portray. She’s probably the farthest removed from how I actually am out of all the other characters in Steins Gate (except for Moeka - thank god). But even knowing that, I ran into some issues here. First, what is Mayuri’s actual intelligence level? She’s the only one who figures out that the letters on the badges  are the initials of the labmembers. So in that instance, she outthought Okabe, Kurisu AND Daru, who are all genius-level in intellect. However, this is the only time we see Mayuri display something even remotely like that, so I’m guessing that is a fluke. Then again, according to Okabe she is also ‘the one with the most clear view of the lab, its members and its direction’ (or something similar). What does that actually mean? The only instance I can immediately think of is that she’s less enthusiastic of starting the time travel experiments, but Kurisu is the one that actually rejects that harder than her. I still have some good ideas of how to incorporate these traits into the story but unfortunately those are all in the next chapter.

Oh, regarding her being ‘angry’ at the start, we don’t often her act like that in Steins Gate, but in SG:0 she is shown to be capable of dropping her normal super-kind/childish routine when the situation calls for it, like when she forces Kagari with Suzuha in the time machine . I guess her slapping Okabe is also an example of the very end of SG, in the true ending. I think that in these circumstances, she’d have been very worried over Okabe. Also, there’s a bit of a contradiction in that Mayuri admits to her grandmother’s grave that she likes having more labmembers around, but also misses the time it was just her and Okabe. Her initial mixed reaction to Kurisu joining was a reference to that. It also leads to a very obvious topic that will have to be dealt with soon.

Would Mayuri really ever say she was disappointed in Okabe for anything? Maybe, maybe not. But a story without any conflict is a boring story, so I went with it.

Regarding Daru, there are times I wondered if I pushed his perversion too far. Then I remember that this is the guy who kept trying to have baths with his own daughter after she reached puberty. I mean, as a new father that deeply disturbs me in a way, even though it’s obviously meant to be comedy… still, COME ON MAN! IT’S YOUR OWN DAUGHTER. ARGH! Poor Suzuha…

Off-topic: Wow, Kingdom Hearts 3 is such a _gorgeous_ game, feels like actually walking around in the (Pixar) animated movies. What? ‘If you can play that, you could also have written this,’ you say? Well, not if baby is sleeping on my lab. I can use a controller easily enough then, just not a keyboard. And why oh why was I teenage crushing on Rapunzel so hard!? Well… I’m probably not the first person to have a soft spot for a Disney princess... am I…? /Blush. 

 


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